As I prepare to depart this country for Iraq or Afghanistan…..

I begin to think (as we all do) of the things I will miss the most…

There is the usual…

My Family…
My Friends…
My Beloved Alabama Football….
and Home….
(Sometimes not necessarily in ”that” order….)

But there is one other person that needs to be mentioned here…
But first I need to tell you a little story…

Coach Gene Stallings son, John Mark Stallings who was born with Down Syndrome,  passed away in August at age 46….
It hit me hard and….

It scared me……

Because I have a John Mark Stallings in my family….

Technically he is my “Cousin in Law”…

But in reality Charlie is my little brother…

Charlie doesn’t know or understand my love of Alabama Football….

He won’t even be able to read this article…..

But it doesn’t matter….

Because you see, everything I ever really needed to know I learned from Charlie…

You can go to college and get advanced degrees and you can read all the latest self-improvement books….
But for a PhD in true wisdom take a look at the lives of John Mark and Charlie….

To the day he died John Mark Stallings wore a massive, diamond encrusted Alabama National Championship ring on his frail fingers, which were tinged a grayish blue from the lack of oxygen caused by his heart condition.

Johnny was front and center in that Alabama National Championship team photo.
In fact…
He was part of every team his father coached, including the storied Dallas Cowboys..
The players drew inspiration from him…
When Johnny turned 40 years old his Birthday Party was attended by a “Who’s Who” of Former NFL Stars…

Not many people ever heard of my Charlie…
But he is just as important and every bit as inspiring as anyone you ever met…

So what have I learned from Charlie?

Every Life Matters…..

The Lives of John Mark and Charlie teaches us all that God can use anyone…
No matter how insignificant they may appear in the eyes of society…

Charlie has none of the things that you and I take for granted…
But he has touched many lives; in ways you and I can’t imagine…

Our materialistic, success driven culture doesn’t know what to do with people like Charlie…

Society didn’t know what to do with Charlie when he was born almost 50 years ago….
But God did…

See the good in everyone…
“Be my Friend…”

When Charlie meets you…
You become his friend…and he doesn’t forget it.
Charlie literally doesn’t see evil in people..
He will have more friends in his lifetime than any of us will ever enjoy…

Be Humble……

The Bible tells us, “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God…”

That describes Charlie in a nutshell….
He can’t read…
But he can pray the sweetest prayers you ever heard…

Charlie doesn’t know the finer points of theology…..
But He knows God….
And God Knows Charlie….
And everybody knows it…
Whether you acknowledge God or not…

Be Yourself…..

Charlie isn’t trying to be anyone other than himself…
He isn’t trying to be important….
He isn’t trying to act smarter than everyone else….
Charlie is comfortable being Charlie….
How many of us can say we are Happy with ourselves?

Love Unconditionally….

In Charlie’s World you don’t keep score or attach strings to love..
He loves unconditionally…all the time.

Smile…Laugh..Hug…
The last time I saw Charlie I brought him a T-shirt…
He hugged us….and when He hugs you…
He means it…
He patted us….
He smiled all the time…

Charlie always makes everyone fell better just for having been around him…
Who among us can say that about ourselves?

Treasure every moment….

Charlie, like John Mark, wasn’t suppose to live very long….
Doctors said they wouldn’t live past the age of four….

When you aren’t expected to live, you treasure every moment…

Little Victories are the ones that matter the most….

I will be doing some really hard things overseas for the next several months….
But everyday is difficult for Charlie…
But he never complains….
He just smiles….

Everybody focuses on the championships…
But with Charlie you celebrate all the little victories..
Then after a while you realize that those are the ones that really matter the most…

Trust God…..

Despite being frail and disabled John Mark Stallings wore a National Championship ring…
Every member of the 1992 Alabama team will tell you of Johnny’s impact on that team.
Johnny Stallings literally changed the world and made everybody he met a better person - if only for a moment.

Gene Stallings, a star football player, championship coach and tough enough to be one of Bear Bryant’s immortal “Junction Boys”, probably use to dream of a son who would be an impact player….
A son who would change the world….
A son who would make a difference and someday, maybe…
wear a National Championship ring…

“I prayed to God that He would change Johnny….
But he changed me….” Coach Stallings said about his son.

He added that if God offered him the chance of going back and having a “perfect” son without a disability or having Johnny…
“I’d take Johnny every time…”

So that gets us back to Charlie….

Thanks for all the lessons in life Charlie…..

I am going to miss you while I am gone…
Stay healthy and listen to your Momma and Daddy..
Which I know you will…
Because you always do everything right…

 
I am going to miss Charlie a lot…
I am going to worry about him while I am gone…
and…
I am going to pray for him everyday…

But mostly I am just going to miss him….

RTR
MEB

POST GAME……..

I hope to be back with you all sometime next year…..
(By the start of the 2009 College Football Season if I am lucky…)
I will check in when I can and leave a message or two for you all…..

Thank you for reading and enjoying my articles….
I hope they made you laugh and occasionally think…..

In case any of you were wondering…

I am going to miss you too……

Take care and be good to one another….

 
ROLL TIDE ROLL
MEB

What a Weekend it was…..
And for me this picture says it all……

But it is time for me to leave you all for a while…..

Before I do let’s talk about yesterday….
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 34 and 12 or 74% for Week 9…..

For my short season I finished at 341 and 98 or a rather respectable 78% overall…
Not too bad if I say so myself….

It has been a pleasure bringing you all the College Football Picks this year….
Thank you for reading and commenting….

I hope you got a kick out of them.

Before I take my leave……
I have written something else for you……

It’s about a good friend of mine….

Enjoy…..

RTR
MEB

It all comes down to this……..

The one Saturday that has been marked on your calendars since last spring…..

This Saturday……

Is “The Third Saturday in October”…..

This Saturday…….

Jo Pa visits the Big Horseshoe….

This Saturday…….

The Dawgs of Georgia travel to Death Valley to take on the Fightn’ Tigers…

This Saturday…….

The Wolverines and Spartans do battle in Michigan…..

And….
This Saturday…….

The University of Southern California plays “another” Assisted Living Facility in the Pac 10!

It’s a Big Weekend of College Football….
So let’s get to it…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

ABC COLLEGE FOOTBALL (Opening): We get it…..
ABC…ESPN….Disney..etc…etc…
ALSO owns the record company that promotes Kenny Chesney…
Which explains the “opening” segment of him singing his “new” song….

The “opening” segment couldn’t be any Gayer if George Michael and Sigfried and Roy were singing ” It’s Raining Men…”

EDITORS NOTE: ALSO……
I really don’t want to hear a gay man singing about having a “Wild Ride”…
It’s disgusting….

CBS COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Can you believe it…..
The “Commentators” with CBS were actually saying “Southern California was scoring style points by beating Washington State” by 70 points….

Style Points?

Washington State is 1 and 7….
Their ONLY win coming against Portland State……
And….
YOU want to talk about “Style Points”?

Isn’t that just a new name for “Bad Sportsmanship”?

TEXAS: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

LOU HOLTZ: By now you have all heard about what Lou said on the ESPN College Football studio program…

He used a “Hitler” reference last weekend when giving a description about leadership and discussing “Good” and “Bad” leadership…..

Coach Lou was forced to apologize on National Television….
ask for forgiveness…..
and generally beg on national television to keep his job…

COMMENTARY: I am sick of this damn crap….

NOBODY on the planet enjoys picking on Lou more than I do….
I think he looks like a Granny from “The Beverly Hillbillies”….
I think he sounds like Slyvester the Cat after dollar beer night at the Bowling Alley…
I believe he may be a 150 pound Tom Turkey…

BUT he didn’t SAY a damn thing wrong….
There isn’t a DAMN thing in the Constitution of the United States that “Gives you the right to be Offended”

If you are that big a damn Wussy and searching the planet for something to offend you….
Look no further than right here…dumbass.

BIG 12 HEISMAN: This year the Heisman Trophy will belong to the Big 12….
It may be Texas Tech….
Could be Oklahoma….
Might be MO’S TIGERS….
BUT….
It WILL be in Austin Texas…..
Believe it….

FLORIDA: Just for the Record….
The Mighty Gators of Florida won the 1984 Southeastern Conference Championship….

Period….

EDITORS NOTE: In case you didn’t know by now….
Yes, I can carry a grudge….

PENN STATE: All I heard before the season started….
“Jo Pa has Lost control of the team…..”
Then…..
“The game has passed Jo Pa…”

Hell……
This past week I even spoke with a guy that “claimed” to be an Alumni of Penn State and he said….
“Jo Pa has GOT to Go!……It’s Time!”

Then he admitted that “He didn’t really watch football……”
EDITORS NOTE: It is my belief….
That the guy I spoke with is either lying about going to Penn State or he is a communist..

However, it is also my belief that the extreme cold of living that close to the Arctic Circle causes permanent brain freeze….

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE: We are still waiting to hear what you are going to do with the “Full-Contact” referee from the South Carolina - LSU Game?

EDITORS NOTE: Please don’t ask if I will forget all about it…..
You know better than that….

WISCONSIN: FOUR in a DAMN Row?
How can you cheese-heads lose FOUR in a DAMN ROW?

You are killing my average….
You know that right?

NAVY: SOOOooooo I pick you to “Win”….
YOU lose….

I pick you to “Lose”…
YOU win….

Why can’t we all just get along?

ARMY: Please see “Navy” above….

COMMERCIALS: What is the deal with Dr. Pepper?

Are athletes that haven’t been on television in over 25 years suppose to make us drink “More” Dr. Pepper?

Maybe showing an out of work actor from a 20 year old situational comedy will do the trick?

Are you all stupid or just out of touch?

STOP IT!….It’s annoying.

COMMERCIALS (PART II): I could not believe my own ears…..

Last week on ESPN College GameDay here were the order of commercials during the first hour….

First…
“Subway”…The Five Dollar Foot-long commercial complete with the catchy theme music…

Second….
“Viagra”…The “Viva Viagra” commercial complete with the catchy theme music…

Third…
“Male Enhancement”…You guessed it…
Complete with some catchy theme music….

This subliminal messaging thing has gotten out of control…..

MICHIGAN STATE: The Spartans have a chance for glory this weekend….

Take advantage of it…..

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously…..
Are you guys STILL not on probation?

AFTER….
ALL the Reggie Bush $$$$$$$$ while he was still in school?

EVEN…
AFTER all that?

AND….
Reggie Bush’s Momma’s and Daddy’s house?

Really?……

Where did the NCAA get YOUR investigators?

Aruba?

NATIONAL SPORTS MEDIA: I loved last weeks slobber fest between the Media and the $outhern California Trojan$…..
 They tried to make the thrashing of the Washington State Cougars sound like the Trojan$ just beat the Klingons for Interstellar Domination….

ESPN: Did anyone have the misfortune of hearing the ESPN crew calling the Georgia Tech - Clemson game last Saturday?

I won’t rehash the level of stupidity between those two idiots….
There is no point in it…

But let me just say this….

The “Dumbass Twins” of Andre Ware and David Pasch….

Put the DUMB….

IN….

ASS…..

ESPN (PART II): Still no word about the Reggie Bush and Southern California Trojan Investigation?

Really?

You know I am going to KEEP doing this?
Right?

NCAA: You all have more TOOLS……than Lowes and Home Depot combined.

A BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY….
To THE Voice of COLLEGE Football…

MR. KEITH JACKSON…..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY and Whoa NELLY!

EMAIL Questions and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, you heard anything else about that invasion into Georgia?
Me and the Misses is in the Storm Shelter…
We thought we heard tanks the other day..
But it was just the garbage truck…
Is it safe to come out yet?
Carl and Joyce - Salem, Alabama
A: You two are Auburn Fans…Right?
Then I would stay in the storm shelter at least until Coach “Ears” Tommy gets his arrogant head out of his posterior…

Q: Dude, seriously….
Could the ABC College Football pregame with Kenny Chesney be any more gay?
Jim - Fort Collins, Colorado
A: No it couldn’t Jim….

Q: YOU is innorant as Hell!
They way you a bashing Coach Fulmers and them Vols, you sond like a hater!
As far as I concern…
You ain’t no better than Randall Hitler!
Porkchop - Big Lick, Tennessee
A: I am confused….
While studying at the University of Tennessee…
Were you a History or English major?

Q: Mike, can help us settle a bet we have at work?
Is it true that Carolina Gamecock Quarterback Chris Smelly almost went to Arkansas?
IF it is true…
Why didn’t he go to Arkansas?
Thanks!
The Boys from Carolina - Columbia, South Carolina
A: The Answer to your question is “Yes”…..
Chris Smelly “almost” went to Arkansas instead of South Carolina….
Why didn’t he?
I think he was afraid of how it might sound being in front of Casey Dick on the depth chart…

It just wouldn’t be right….

Q: Mike, when you aren’t writing what do you enjoy doing?
Just wondering!
Thanks!
Holly - Biloxi, Mississippi
A: Thanks for asking Holly….
I enjoy long walks on the Beach…
and poking dead things with a stick….

Q: Mike we are studying American Indians in school!
What would you say your American Indian name would be?
Thanks a lot!
Sharon - Victoria, Texas
A: Good question Sharon…..
I would have to say….
“Runs with Beer….”

Q: Mike, Why did you call the “Big” Tennessee Volunteer booster John Thornton “Thunder Lips”?
Is that his nickname?
Thanks!
Shelly - Nashville, Tennessee
A: That ”IS” his nickname Shelly….
But you don’t want to know HOW he got it…

But let me say this…

If you ever watch him eat a corndog..
He makes Kenny Chesney look completely Heterosexual….

THE GAMES

Saturday October 25th

Alabama at Tennessee
This is Democrats and Republicans…
Cowboys and Indians….
Oil and Water….
Except it’s worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-17

Texas Tech at Kansas
The folks from Kansas haven’t seen this many fast moving Raiders since the James Boys…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 38-24

Valdosta State at North Alabama
The Boys from “Upper” Bama have overcome an early season slip…..
AND…
These Big Cats are hungry….
LIONS 33-17

Boston College at North Carolina
I have a question?
Is “Disco Inferno” south of Miami?
Just wondering…
Never mind…
TAR HEELS 27-23

EDITORS NOTE: You hear that song in your head now….
Don’t you?

Wake Forest at Miami (FL)
I think it is still Hurricane Season until the first of November…
So Enough said….
HURRICANES 23-17

 
Eastern Michigan at Ball State
Honestly….
I would rather hear “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting”…
Than “Disco Inferno..”
But that’s just me…
CARDINALS 28-24

Cincinnati at Connecticut
The Queen City is known for it’s Chilli….
Goldstar….
Skyline….
So what is Co-Net-I-cutt known for?
My point exactly….
BEARKATS 24-20

Northwestern at Indiana
Since the Folks from Hoosier-ville refused my offer to have Jim Nabors sponsor the team for a year….
I just can’t pull for them any longer….
I CANNOT believe you didn’t want to be called the “Gomers!”

SHAZAM! Would have made for a great entrance….
WILDCATS 24-14

Illinois at Wisconsin
It’s too close to Halloween to go against….
ZOOKS FIGHTN PUMPKINS

 
Minnesota at Purdue
Have you seen the Purdue Mascot “Purdue Pete”?
That damn thing’s head is almost as big as Wynonna Judd’s!
Notice I said….”almost”.
Oooo SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-21

Oklahoma at Kansas State
The Wildcats will keep it close….
Until they hear…”And the Rockets Red Glare….”
Then they will be down by two touchdowns…
BOOMER SOONERS 44-17

Kentucky at Florida
My Beloved Big Blue Fans….
I wish I had better news for you….
MIGHTY GATORS 38-14

Carson Newman at Brevard College
I knew a rich kid once named Brevard…
He was the only child….
His momma and daddy got him a pet monkey for his birthday….
That damn thing got out and pooped all over the house and tore the curtians off the walls….
It was funny as hell…
You know something?
I almost feel guilty about letting that thing out of it’s cage..
SPARKS EAGLES 34-24

Baylor at Nebraska
Have I mentioned that the Baylor School of Medicine is one of the finest medical schools in the country?
I know it doesn’t really fit here…
But I always like to have something positive say before a team gets an ass whippin…
CORNHUSKERS 33-13

Georgia at LSU
No Upset Special….
This is just how it is…..
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS! 24-21

Louisiana Tech at Army
Vince Dooley’s son is the Head Coach of Tech….
That’s good enough for me….
BULLDOGS 27-10

UNLV at Brigham Young
I bet the folks from Vegas that travel to the game in Provo think they are in HELL…..
COUGARS 38-17

Anderson at Defiance
What are they “defying” and why?
Just wondering….

Duke at Vanderbilt
I love it when smart kids fight….
It’s sooooo cute.
COMMODORES 27-23

Fresno State at Utah State
I know it doesn’t fit here…
But have you ever thought…
That Waffle House is too Southerners…
What Starbucks is too yankees?

Just a thought…
BULLDOGS 34-17

Rice at Tulane
Anytime I hear “Green Wave…”
I think the toilet has over flowed…
OWLS 24-14

Oklahoma State at Texas
How can you go against a Quarterback named after my favorite firearm manufacturer?
YOU can’t….
THAT’S MY POINT!
LONGHORNS 38-24

Virginia Tech at Florida State
This past week Coach Bobby was asked what he thought about Tommy getting fired…
He said…
“Thomas Edison was the smartest kid in my class…It doesn’t surprise me that he invented fire..”

It’s sad really…..
NOLES 27-23

South Florida at Louisville
YOU can take this one to the bank….
And that is…
NO BULL 27-17

Michigan State at Michigan
Yes…
It’s true…
This past week I called a “certain”  Wolverine Coach…
And left him a message…
“The Garden Club called and they want their Ho Back…”

He immedately sent his wife to Ace Hardware….
(I don’t believe he gets it…)
SPARTANS 33-17

Rutgers at Pittsburg
I would watch this game…..
But…
The History of Toast is on the Food Channel…..
PANTHERS 17-10

UCLA at California
I wonder if “Disco Fever” and…
“Boogie Fever” are the same thing?

Never mind…
BEARS 3-2

Virginia at Georgia Tech
The only thing going for Tech is the “Varsity”….
Which is across the street….
So technically they don’t have anything going for them…
YELLOW JACKETS 6-3

North Carolina State at Maryland
I will not doubt the power of the Ninja Turtles (again..)
Especially if Pizza is involved…
NINJA TURTLES 28-17

Southern Methodist at Navy
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!
Saddle Up Boys!
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-31

Quachita Baptist at Southwest Baptist
There will be alot of Baptist fighting in this one…
BUT…
There better not be any dancing!
BAPTIST 23-21

New Mexico State at Idaho
I wonder if “Ida” had a sister named “Ima”…
The she would be Ima…
Never mind…
AGGIES 31-10

Wyoming at Texas Christian
The Cowboys can’t ride these Horned Frogs…
Trust me..
They just can’t…
HORNED FROGS 34-10

Colorado at Missouri
Last week MO understood the meaning of a Texas Beat Down….
This week….
MO KNOWS Football (again…)
MO’S TIGERS 38-34

Mississippi at Arkansas
Sometimes you feel like a Nutt….
Sometimes you don’t…
This week I do…
REBELS 27-24

Dixie State at Azusa Pacific
You had me at “Dixie”….
GIVE EM HELL!

Texas A&M at Iowa State
I am not a fan of the “new” Aggie Coaching Staff….
But the “Aggie War Hymn” is motivating as hell….
Enough said….
GIG EM AGGIES 27-17

MTSU at Mississippi State
“M.T.S.U.” sounds like an ingredient in dog food….
That’s good enough for me…
BULLDOGS 23-17

Penn State at Ohio State
Jo Pa has not won a game in the Big Horseshoe since the Lions joined the Big Ten…er…Eleven Conference.
That trend continues Saturday Night…
Believe it…
BUCKEYES 23-20

Southern Miss at Memphis
Just for the record….
I still miss Coach Jeff Bower…
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-20

Notre Dame at Washington
Does it “really” matter?
Of course not…..
FIGHTING IRISH 33-10

Colorado State at San Diego State
I would watch this game….
But I am going to watch Mike Tyson try to solve the “Soul Train Scramble Board”…
In case you were wondering…
The show is scheduled for three hours…
RAMS 23-20

Southern California at Arizona
YIPPPPPPPPEEEE!!!!
ANOTHER “Classic” matchup in the PAC 10!
HOW Bout those STYLE Points!
TROJAN$ 138-0

Sunday October 26th

Central Florida at Tulsa
What do we have here….
Golden Knights and Golden Hurricanes….
Sounds like Kenny Chesney’s Birthday Party…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 38-17

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry…that was just wrong.

Nevada at Hawaii
Seeing this game scheduled for Sunday Night….
Makes me wish “Dog the Bounty Hunter” was on Sunday Nights too….
But sometimes…
I just wish for too much…
WARRIORS Pop’n and Lock’n on RAINBOWS 34-31

Enjoy Your games!

RTR
MEB

POST GAME…..

Please Check back this Sunday….

I am afraid this is going to be a short season for me….

RTR
MEB

As you may (or may not…)
know…….

Last week I was 33 and 13 or a “Not so Impressive” 72%…

Which Leaves me at 307 and 86 (78%) for the season…

AND…..

With an “Unofficial” 2009 Texas Governor’s Campaign.

I KNOW….
I picked those Horned Frogs from Texas Christian over BYU….

I picked the Houston Cougars to win the Conference USA Championship…

I said the Red Raiders of Texas Tech would be a force to be reckoned with….

And YES….

I picked the Mighty Texas Longhorns to not only defeat the Oklahoma Sooners….
But….
ALSO Picked them to beat MO’S Tigers….

But I CANNOT be a Candidate for Governor of the Lonestar State….

Despite the Fact….

My “Future” opponent Hates…
Puppies…
Santa Claus….
Willie Nelson…..
Earl Campbell
Roger Staubach…
AND….
Darrell Royal…

I even have on good authority that he hasn’t “Remembered the Alamo” in years….
and doesn’t own a pick-up truck…

You know something….

I bet he even pulled for the Mexican’s to kill John Wayne in the “Real” Alamo Movie…

“I AM Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator”……
And…
I approved this message…..

 Enjoy!

THE GAMES

Thursday October 23rd

Auburn at West Virginia
This one could go either way….
But it’s in Morgantown….
SOOoooooooooooo….
LIGHT THOSE COUCHES!
MOUNTAINEERS 24-23

New Mexico at Air Force
When I heard the “Low Blows” were playing Air Force…
I thought….
Didn’t they already play Navy?
FALCONS 34-31

Friday October 24th

Boise State at San Jose State
You know what “San Jose” means in Spanish?
I think it means….
“Joe has an infected mole..”
Which is disgusting…
BRONCOS 38-31

Your Saturday Picks and Prognostications will be out on Friday….

RTR
MEB

Thanks to a loyal reader (Thanks again Scotty)…..

We have a video of what can only be described as the LSU FIGHTN’ Tigers “12th” Man…

Unfortunately it was “On the Road” AT South Carolina….

AND…..

It was one of our “Beloved” Southeastern Conference Referees…..

I told you we have the  worse referees in all of College Football….
I am soooooo proud.

Enjoy!

RTR
MEB

Let’s not waste any time discussing last week….

Why?

Because this Saturday is the Third Saturday in October…..

For those of you that may not know what that means….
I present the following video for clarification…..

Couldn’t have said it better myself young man…

RTR
MEB

I know….

But Please Stop.. you are embarrassing me….

Just Because I was THE ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country to Pick the Texas Christian Horned Frog win (Not an “upset”) last night over the “Undefeated” BYU Cougars is no reason for such adulation…..

I am just a simple College Fooball Prognosticating Genius…

Sort of like “Rain Man”…without the stammer…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

TENNESSEE: Did anyone see or hear the pregame “interviews” with selected Tennessee Players before last weeks game with Georgia?

In case you missed it…

Here is a brief review….

Defensive Lineman Robert Ayers from Cilio, South Carolina…

“We Ima Heba Go baaa Too Ratba….I sama geaam!”

Offensive Lineman Anthony Parker from Jonesboro, Georgia….

“GOO da bam an da big ga bubba, do da gema too!”

and Last but not Least….

Quarterback Nick Stephens from Flower Mound, Texas…

“EWUS de see moo to harrr, te gema form tut!”

EDITORS NOTE: I am almost certain they are all “Speech” Majors….

TENNESSEE (PART II): Anybody see ALL the Tennessee Volunteer Mascots lined up on the sidelines last weekend in Georgia?
It looked like the cast from “Alice in Wonderland”….
There was a Mountain Man….yet they aren’t the “Mountaineers”
and they aren’t the “David Crockett’s”….
or even the “Crockett’ers”…

EDITORS NOTE: I think the “Crockett’ers” sounds like an Old Peoples Dancing Club…

 
THEN….
There was the student in the Dog Costume…
and they aren’t the “Dogs”…
or the “Dawgs”…
Or even the “Huckleberry Hounds”…

EDITORS NOTE: Although that is a thought….

Then there is the “Real” Blue Tick Hound…
Yet…
We already covered the “Canine” topic haven’t we?

Did you see the student in the “Orange” Costume?
I know they have a lot of “Fruits” in Tennessee…
But “Oranges”?

TENNESSEE (PART III): I am still waiting to hear from my Tennessee Vol fans on the Trivia question….
 ”Who was the Last Quarterback to Start for the Vols from the state of Tennessee…?”

Don’t worry….

I’ll wait….

AUBURN: First the “Good News”….

Coach Tubberville fired “Himself” this week after calling what he described as a horrible game last week with Arkansas…

Now the “Bad News”….

Coach Tubberville then hired “Himself” back with a 6 million dollar buy-out clause…

OKLAHOMA STATE: You boys damn sure Cowboy’d Up!
Congratulations on a GREAT Win….

OLE MISS: I have a “Safety Tip” for any Rebel Fans planning on making the trip to “T” Town this weekend…
“IF” any of you Rebel Fans that threw bottles (and yes even shoes..)..and spit on our players after last years game in Oxford attempt the same stunt again this year…

YOU will not get out of T-Town in the same shape you arrived….

That’s a promise…

COMMERCIALS: What the Hell is wrong with the folks from Pizza Hut?

A commercial that shows a Father ”showing” his son how to eat a slice of pizza?

We are not interested in the “Further Adventures of the Wussy Family”…

AP and USA TODAY POLLS: SOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo
The Southern California Trojans are Number #6 in one poll…
and…
Number # 8 in another poll?

I am sorry, I can’t seem to remember…
Who have they played to “GET BACK” into the Top Ten?

Nobody….
“ENTITLEMENT”…..

The Ohio State Buckeyes lost to (by the national media accounts) “The Best Team EVER”…

Yet they can’t get back into the Top Ten….

Why?
“ENTITLEMENT”…..

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: YOU still aren’t on probation? Really?

Who did you have for NCAA Investigatiors, O.J.’s “First” jury?

NCAA: You know what’s coming now right?

“So where is the Investigation into Reggie Bu$h and the $outhern California Trojan$?”

We are still waiting….

ESPN: If you were watching the Texas - Oklahoma game: Then you heard the worse, most uncomfortable conversation of all time during a broadcast college football game between Brent Musberger and Kirt Herbstreit….

KIRT: I love the atmosphere of this game with the Texas State Fair right outside the Cotton Bowl..

BRENT: Isn’t that the Texas Ferris Wheel in the distance?

KIRT: Let me see..I am reading from the Texas State Fair Guide..
The Texas State Ferris Wheel is one of the largest free standing Ferris Wheels in the World at Over 200 plus feet tall…

BRENT: What do you say you and I take a ride on that after the game?

KIRT: What? No, that’s alright……
Looks like Oklahoma is ready to take the field after the time-out…

BRENT: We could relax on the wheel and forget about the troubles on Wall Street and see the lights of Dallas from up there….

KIRT: No, that’s alright Brent I’ll pass….

EDITORS NOTE: Just when you think Brent Musburger couldn’t get any creeper….
He wants to get all “Mister McFeely” with Kirt Herbstreit…..

ESPN (PART II): Thanks so much for adding “another” studio analyst to an already crowded lineup…

Todd McShay..”Director of College Scouting”

Are YOU Kidding me?

Call him what he is…..

Another..
“Master of the Obvious”…

CLEMSON: Although about FOUR years too late to suit me….

YOU made the right decision…

It’s time to get a REAL Football Coach for the Tigers….

One is on the way…
Believe me…

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, could you start picking some other “smaller” schools in the northeast?
Think about it!
Ben - Dover, Delaware
A: O My Gosh….
ARE you KIDDING Me!
“BEN DOVER”?
I may have peed on myself….

Q: Mike, I know this is not your normal subject matter…
 But what do you know about today’s ”so-called”… ”Energy Drinks”?
Are they harmful?
Thanks!
Molly - Fort Smith, Arkansas
A: Molly you came to the right place…
“Little Known” fact  we folks in the South have known for years…
Mountain Dew is the “Orginal” Energy Drink…
You don’t think so?
If you drink Mountain Dew for breakfast for four years you can’t donate blood..
Enough said…

Q: I want to thank Hootie Snitch for the smoking hot picture of that “girl” he got arrested with!
Bunch of us done downloaded the picture and got it blowed up!
It’s hanging in the work shed right now!
Skeeter - Dandridge, Tennessee
A: See the below email…

Q: DAMN! Where in the Hell did Hootie Snich find that GOOD Looking Gal?
LORDY I done copied that picture and sent it to all my friends!
Hot damn, I am still all lathered up over that picture!
War Eagle!
Chip - Loachapoka, Alabama
A: It’s nice to know that Hootie has “Interstate” appeal…

Q: Helloo! I want you to know that I enjoy your article!
I read each week!
You inspire me to follow my dreams!
I inspire to be the FIRST Asian Ghost Buster!
YES!
So I go back to Hong Kong and follow my dream!
Chang - San Francisco, California
(Hong Kong!)
A: SOOOooooooooooooooooo
Who you gonna Crawl?

THE GAMES

Saturday October 18th

Texas Tech at Texas A&M
If you have children in the room when this game is on…
Please, send them out to play…
This is going to be really ugly…
As in my Sister-in-Law in a string bikini ugly…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 38-17

Vanderbilt at Georgia
On paper this looks like a really close game…
But Football isn’t played on paper…
HOW Bout Them DAWGS!
DAWGS 28-17

LSU at South Carolina
Please see “Texas Tech at Texas A&M” for a graphic description of this game…
FIGHT’N TIGERS 31-14

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry for the above visuals, but yes…
They will be “That” ugly…

Syracuse at South Florida
A team called the “Orange” goes to Florida and gets squeezed…

Coincidence?

I think not…
BULLS 33-10

Kutztown at East Stroudsburg
Is Kutztown close to Funky Town?
Just wondering….

Wake Forest at Maryland
I wish I had a shirt that says…
“I Got Crabs in Maryland”…
But sometimes I wish for too much…
NINJA TURTLES 24-21

Purdue at Northwestern
I would watch this game but I have all the symptoms….
That I am getting Disco Fever…
WILLDCATS 24-23

Memphis at East Carolina
I don’t know where either team has been for the past three weeks…
So this is a toss up…
PIRATES 23-17

EDITORS NOTE: Maybe Skip Holtz has been too busy “Interviewing” for the Clemson job before it even became open….

Because he has….

Connecticut at Rutgers
The Jersey (Pronounced: Jeo-seeeeee) Cinderella lost her shoes….
And…..
Mid-Night Powder Blue Eye Shadow…
HUSKIES 27-21 

Georgia Tech at Clemson
Everything says the folks from Carolina won’t win….
But this is about “Pride”….
I am a Believer…
TIGERS 23-21

Frostburg State at Ithaca
You know a school is ten miles from the artic circle when they name it “Frost-burg”…
Or maybe….
This is the school were “Frosted Flakes” was invented…
Never mind..

Wisconsin at Iowa
Will the Mighty Badgers lose four in a row?
Not this year….
Believe in the Power of Cheese……
BADGERS 33-27

Nebraska at Iowa State
Did anybody see the “Black Shirts” take the Red Raiders to Overtime last week?
Enough said…
CORNHUSKERS 34-17

Kansas at Oklahoma
My Choice for the “Last Team on the Planet to Play when they are Mad as Hell”…..

BOOMER SOONERS 34-23

Colorado State at Utah
I really didn’t know which way to go on this one…….
But I just got finished watching “My Cousin Vinnie..”
TWO UTES 33-28

Baylor at Oklahoma State
Have I mentioned that the Baylor School of Medicine is one of the finest Medical Schools in the country?
They may need it when this is over….
COWBOY UP! 31-17

Southern Miss at Rice
I wish I could take the Golden Eagles in this one….
and I would have…
But you got rid of Coach Bower…
MY FAVORITE PUDDING 24-20

Ole Miss at Alabama
Let’s keep this one simple shall we?
CRIMSON TIDE 27-17

Southern California at Washington State
The cougars couldn’t whip cream……
TROJAN$ 116-0

Ohio State at Michigan State
This is going to be one hell of an old fashion Big Ten..I mean “Eleven” Fight…
Don’t blink….
BUCKEYES 23-20

Westminster at LaGrange College
“Haw..Haw Haw…”
I just couldn’t resist another ZZ Top reference…

North Carolina at Virginia
I think the world of those boys from the Old Dominion…
But…
The Tar Heels are for REAL….
(Just like I told you they were at the begining of the season..)
TAR HEELS 28-17

Pittsburg at Navy
Do you know who I think will have a “Big” day in this game?
The Midshipman Quarterback….
“Kaippo-Nooa KKahheeakku- Ennhhadda”

That poor boy’s name starts at the back of his jersey and goes all the way to the front….

MIDSHIPMEN 23-21

 
Hiram at Eartham
If your name is Hiram…
You are harder than Woodepecker Lips…
It’s a Law…
HIRAM whips EARTHAM’s Ass….

MTSU at Louisville
Everytime I see one of these “Alphabet Soup” Schools…
I have the uncontrollable urge to “Buy a Vowel”….
CARDINALS 38-17

Randolph Macon at Emory & Henry
I wish this was Randolph “Bacon”…
Because….
There is nothing like pork products to enhance a Tailgating experience…
I’m Just saying….

Miami (FL) at Duke
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!
WHAT?
Have you lost your damn minds?
HURRICANES 33-16

Army at Buffalo
O.K…..
West Point has “won” two weeks in a row….
Which is normally a sign of the coming Apocalypse…
But in his case I believe it means….
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 27-24

Marshall at UAB
Here we go with “Alphabet Soup” again…
“Vanna Darling could I buy a Vowel?”

EDITORS NOTE: FACT….
When the above is spoken with a Southern accent…
You automatically win the Grand Prize….
Not that is matters here…

THUNDERING HERD 31-13

Stanford at UCLA
Another “BIG GAME” in the PAC 10 this week….
I would watch it too….
But….
“Mr. Potato Head: Behind The Music” is on VH1….
Sorry…
BRUINS 23-21

Michigan at Penn State
The Wolverines “Might” win this game…..
And….
Mrs. Coach Rod “Might” not dress like a ten dollar hooker….

We all know….
Neither of which is possible…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-16

Kansas State at Colorado
My Sister-in-Law “reviewed” the films of her leading the Colorado Team onto the field a few weeks ago…..
She thinks the camera makes the hump on her back look “smaller”….
If only it could do something with that one foot that looks like a hoof…
BUFFALOS 33-28

Arkansas at Kentucky
I can honestly say…..
I have NO Idea who has the advantage here…
Take your pick…
WILDCATS 27-24

Oregon State at Washington
I am not ashamed to say it…..
Damn It…
I Love Beavers!
BEAVERS 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: Please, No Hate Mail this week from people who think I am being Nasty…
I am just talking about the BEAVERS!

Idaho at Louisiana Tech
I think ”Famous Potatoes” are going to get a Cajun Mashing…
DOOLEY’S BULLDOGS 38-10

Mississippi State at Tennessee
I believe Coach Croom’s Dog’s are Hungry…..
and are more than capable….
Of Treeing a Volunteer…
CROOM’S BULLDOGS

Lenoir Rhyne at Carson Newman
If this was LeeAnn Rimes I still think the Eagles would win…
It would just be more fun to watch…
SPARKS EAGLES 34-24

Occidental at Chapman
Don’t they mean “accidental”?
NOW that makes sense….

Missouri at Texas
Everybody thinks MO’s Tigers will beat the Longhorns…
Just like “THEY” all thought the Sooners would roll the Horns up last week….

HOOK EM….
LONGHORNS 38-34

Virginia Tech at Boston College
IF the Turkeys want to have a chance in this game they better get that Big Ole Wang in the game….
HOKIES 24-23

EDITORS NOTE: What Now? I was talking about Ed WANG….

San Jose State at New Mexico State
I think “San Jose” is Spanish for….
I just got my ass Kicked in New Mexico…
AGGIES 34-23

UTEP at Tulsa
What is it with all the Alphabet Soup U’s this week?
TEP-U and Golden Hurricanes too?
Common decency prevents me from commenting on this one…

HURRICANES of GOLD 38-33

Indiana at Illinois
I still haven’t heard back from you folks in Indiana on the name change from “Hoosiers” (Which nobody knows what the hell that is…)

To…”The Gomers!”
With!
Jim Nabors as an Official Sponsor!

How does this sound….
“Here come the Gomers! SHAZAM!”
Just think about it…that’s all I ask

ZOOKS FIGHTN PUMPKINS 34-17

Houston at Southern Methodist
My Poor Ponies have been rode hard and put up wet….
COUGARS 43-24

California at Arizona
I would watch this game but Mike Tyson is going to be on Celebrity Jeopardy…

I hope I get to hear him say…

“I’wa take “People I want to Kill” for 500 Al-wex”….

BEARS 38-24

Air Force at UNLV
Seriously….
What is the Deal with all the Acronym U’s this week?
Next week I am going to combine all the Acronym-Alphabet Schools into one word…
It will be like Scrabble for cool people…
FALCONS 33-31

Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB

I was 31 and 10 during “Lucky Week 7″ which means we are once again 76% for the week.

If you are keeping up with the season this far….
That leaves me at 271 and 73 for the season or a “not so impressive” 79%.

But have I mentioned that I was the ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country to Pick the Longhorns over the Sooners?
I did?
O.K……Never mind then..

EDITORS NOTE: The term “Lucky Week 7″ does not refer in any way to any of the following universities or college football teams:
Missouri
Tennessee
Illinois
Indiana
Auburn
Michigan (again)
East Carolina
Wisconsin
Northwestern
Washington
Washington State
Well…Anything “Washington”
Arizona
Arizona State
Actually…Anything “Arizona”
Notre Dame
Vanderbilt
Kentucky
LSU
Oklahoma
Or anything “Bowden”

Enjoy Your Picks!

THE GAMES

Thursday October 16th

Florida State at North Carolina State
I am not saying Bobby is “Old”….
But if you call Bobby and ask him if has “Sir Walter Raleigh” in a can….
He takes it “personally”….
And will tell you to “Stop Talking about his friend…”
SEMINOLES 31-27

Brigham Young at Texas Christian
NO Upset Special……
I just Believe in the Power of the Horned Frog….
HORNED FROGS 24-23

Delta State at North Alabama
As we discussed last week:
There is NO such thing as “Northern” Alabama or “North” Alabama….
Also, as a side note…
There is NO such thing as “Northern” or “North” Mississippi…

There is however a “North” Georgia…
That term refers to the location where we still have the yankees trapped…

Glad we got that cleared up…
LIONS 38-10

Friday October 17th

Hawaii at Boise State
Seriously……
Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
What kind of Jackass are you?

I am going to enjoy the Bronco’s beating you like a rented mule…

I have said it before and I will say it again…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
Those guys are cool….
BRONCOS 43-17

Your Saturday Games will be out tomorrow….

Enjoy!

RTR
MEB

It’s me again; James “Hootie” Snitch from Baneberry Tennessee!

And I am….
The Number One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet!

In case you hadn’t heard..
I had me a hell of a time last weekend in Athens Georgia…

To begin with…

Them cheatin damn Bulldogs beat my Vols…
I know you is a thinking…
How do Hootie know they cheated?

Cause the Dawgs won!
Can’t nobody Beat Coach Fulmer and the Vols unless they Cheat!

Then to make matters worse…

I done got myself arrested in Georgia…

Yep I done it…
Got out yesterday morning…

I got picked up for what they call “Solicitation”…

But I got what you call “Baited”…

My lawyer says he thinks he can get me out of it because like he says…
“it ain’t right to put something like that right in front of a Tennessee Fan and not think he is a going to jump on it..”

I have a picture of the gal I propositioned…

I think yawl will agree, there is NO WAY me or any other orange blooded Tennessee Vol male could have resisted such charms!

Thanks for understanding!

Hootie - Out!

What a weekend in College Football……

Despite being a dismal 31 and 10 (76%) I was the ONLY College Football Prognosticator in the Country that Picked the Mighty Longhorns over the Boomer Sooners of Oklahoma…

EDITORS NOTE: I greatly appreciate my Longhorn Fans…
However I will NOT be a candidate for Governor of the Lonestar State Next Year…

Despite the FACT my opponent hates Christmas, Children and Darrell Royal…
“I am Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator and I approved this message…”

Also…..
Picked LSU to fall to the Gators of Florida…
AND said to the Missouri Tigers…
“The Cowboys are closer than they appear in your rearview mirror…”

But I should have listened to Lee and Bulldog Jim…
They tried to tell me…
Those Mississippi State Bulldogs had the Commodores number in Starkville…
Great Job Guys…
I will pay closer attention next time..

Let’s take a look at “The Weekend That was” in College Football…..

Enjoy!

TEXAS: The Longhorns have a Colt that is nothing short of a thoroughbred…
GREAT win over a CLASS Sooner Team…

MISSOURI: I have a suggestion….
MAYBE if your Quarterback Chase Daniel had spent less time this past week complaining about “last” weeks win over Nebraska and getting a “really cool” haircut and spent MORE time studying the Oklahoma State defense MAYBE you all would be Number One this week…
Dumbass….

FLORIDA: I do believe Superman does wear Tim Tebow pajamas…..

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Never should have doubted Coach Croom and those Bulldogs…

NOTE TO SELF: Shouldn’t have doubted Lee and Bulldog Jim either….

KENTUCKY: What is the Deal?
You give Alabama ALL they can handle and then you lose to Carolina?

What gives?

PENN STATE: Wow…..

Talk about “Cutting the Cheese….”

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I am that easily amused….

IVY LEAGUE: You all STILL Suck…

CLEMSON: To Coach Tommy….
I Told you so…..

To My Tiger Family…
Have NO Fear My Beloved Tiger Friends and Family….
You all are about to get a REAL Football Coach…

Believe it.

AUBURN: Whose ass you gonna “Fire” this Week Ears?

That whole being an arrogant ass thing isn’t alot of fun when you lose, is it?

ARKANSAS: Congratulations and thank you for making my weekend complete…

TENNESSEE: I find it curious that “Big Orange” Fans are mad as hell that they are losing…
Why?
Because you all weren’t upset when a Vol Player raped a mentally handicapped underage girl in the athletic dorm?
And got away with it…

You all weren’t mad when the punter had five DUI’s…
And got away with it…

You didn’t blink an eye when your defensive lineman attacked a student that he outweighted by nearly 200 pounds and disfigured him….
And got away with it…

There are A LOT more stories like that…
ARE you upset about those?

Where you upset with the lack of disciple on the Fat Mans Team?

Or was Winning More Important…
More Important that ANYTHING…

GOT to Beat Florida…
GOT to Beat Bama…
At any cost…

Shame on you….

TENNESSEE (PART II): I just can’t resist….

How is that having the LARGEST recruiting budget in the ENTIRE Nation thing working out for you?

I mean really…
Did you have to go ALL the way to San Diego California to find a Running Back with “Fumble-itis”?

Just wondering….

MICHIGAN: You lost to Toledo….

Enough said…..

MICHIGAN (PART II): Look at the bright side Coach Rod….

Your Wife still has “Rock of Love III” with Bret Michaels….

EAST CAROLINA: What the Hell?

Did you all just quit playing football or what?

GEORGIA: I want to take a moment to say Good-Bye to the GREAT Larry Munson…

He has been the voice of the Georgia Bulldogs for as long as I can remember…

I will miss the sound of his voice..
Knowing he is there, even if I am not listening to him…

Hearing him say…

“HUNKER DOWN DAWGS!”

“RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES!”

Or…….

“Loran Whattayagot?”

My Favorite Larry Munson Quotes…..

“Hunker down, you guys!…I know I’m asking a lot, but hunker down one more time!”
- In a defensive  series late in the game against Auburn in 1982, which clinched the SEC title for Georgia

“My God Almighty, he ran right through two men! Herschel ran right over two men! They had him dead away inside the 9. Herschel Walker went 16 yards. He drove right over those orange shirts and is just  driving and running with those big thighs. My God, a freshman!”
- Calling Herschel Walker’s first touchdown run against the Tennessee Volunteers in 1980.

“So we’ll try to kick one a hundred thousand miles. We’re holding it on our own 49-and-a-half … gonna  try to kick it sixty yards plus a foot-and-a-half … and Butler kicked a long one … a long one … Oh my God! Oh my God! … The stadium is worse than bonkers!”
- Calling Kevin Butler’s field goal in the final seconds to win over Clemson in 1984

“They’re beating us like we’re Maryland or Wake Forest or somebody”
- Calling the loss against Georgia  Tech in 2000.

“We just stepped on their face with a hob-nailed boot and broke their nose! We just crushed their face!” - Calling Georgia’s last-second win over Tennessee in 2001

“Touchdown! Oh, God, a touchdown!”
- Calling David Greene’s touchdown pass to Michael Johnson as Georgia defeated Auburn in 2002, clinching the Bulldogs’ first-ever SEC Eastern Division championship

Enjoy Your retirement Larry….

It won’t be the same without you…

HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!

RTR
MEB

It’s that time of the year (Again)……

The names of the games alone are enough to make you break into goosebumps….

They are called many things….

The Red River Rivalry or The Red River Shoot-Out…

But the game between Oklahoma and Texas is above all else….

A Border WAR….

Then there is the tussle between the Hedges in Athens…
Between…

Tennessee and Georgia…..

Also…
This weekend…
The Black Shirts of Nebraska Invade Lubbock….

EDITORS NOTE: Have I mentioned that Lubbock is the home of Buddy Holly?

In “The Swamp”…..
The Defending National Champion LSU Fightn’ Tigers are in Gainesville to take on the Mighty Gators….

Jo Pa and his Lions of Penn State take on the “Power of Cheese” in the Wisconsin Badgers…

And who can forget….
Another weekend with the NCAA’s collective head (and ass) in the sand as they pretend we are all going to forget the investigation into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans…

Don’t worry my friends…

I won’t let you forget…

There is a lot to cover, so let’s get to it!

 Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

TENNESSEE: I have the answer to your Football problems!
The problem my semi-beloved Volunteer fans is rooted in the lack of players from Tennessee on the Tennessee Volunteer football team roster….

Do you know how many “Starters” From the state of Tennessee are on the Volunteer football team?

“5″…..
As in the number “After 4″ and the number “Before 6″….
In case you all forgot…
That is out of 22…(24 if you count the punter and kicker..)

Why is this important?

Does anyone in California or Washington D.C. or Oregon “really” care what the University of Tennessee does or doesn’t do on any particular weekend?
Do they even know where “Tennessee” is located?
Your players from those places don’t care either…
Because they didn’t grow up with “IT”…

If you don’t think this is important then I have a “little” Trivia question for all the Tennessee Volunteer Fans out there….

“When was the last starting Quarterback at the University of Tennessee…..
From the state of Tennessee….”

This may take a while…so I’ll wait.

EDITORS NOTE: The GOOD News for all the disgruntled Tennessee Volunteer fans out there, is that YOU have a “Tennessee” team to pull for in the state that has more than “5″ starters from the State of Tennessee on the Team…

They are called the Vanderbilt Commodores….

CONGRATULATIONS (again) VANDY!!!!!!!

TENNESSEE (PART II): As a side note from the Tennessee - Auburn game
Maybe the Fat Man should have gone to court before the Auburn game and faced the music like he was suppose too…

Ever think about that?

I have…
There is a name for it too….

It’s called Karma…

MISSOURI: SOooooooo Tiger Quarterback Chase Daniel said he was being spit on by the Husker defensive players last Saturday….
The time to complain about that kind of behavior “isn’t” on Sunday afternoon…dumbass.

WEST POINT: Congratulations on your first “Big” Win last weekend since Appomattox….

VANDERBILT: Your First 5 and 0 start since 1943….

The first time you beat Auburn since 1955…..

And Yes….

I predicted it…….

No Need to thank me…

CLEMSON: To My Beloved Tiger Friends and Family….
I feel and understand your pain and frustration…

Have no fear….
Change is coming…..

TELEVISION COMMERCIALS: Seriously….Geico.

KILL the DAMN caveman commercials….

It’s over….

Stop the madness….

I am serious….

WISCONSIN: So the Badger Marching Band was “suspended” because of hazing?

How bad can “hazing” really be with a marching band…

AUBURN: So do you all believe in the “Corso Curse” Yet?

You thought I was joking about that…didn’t you?

AUBURN (PART II): SOOOooooo Ole Ears Tubberville fired the Offensive Coordinator Tony Franklin this week after what? Five games?

There are two ways to look at this War Eagle Fans….

One…Talk about wanting your “instant” Grits?

or…

Two…
When Ole Ears feels the heat, it’s time for somebody to go under the bus…

ESPN: Last Saturday’s College Gameday with Kenny Chesney….
There is SOOOoooo many things wrong with THAT I don’t know where to begin…

We ALL know he was there to promote his “New” Album…

We also know he is trying to be the Jimmy Buffet of “His” generation….

However I think naming your album…
“The Butt Pirates of the Caribbean”
Well, that is just wrong….

NCAA: Seriously….The jokes over!
When are you going to let us all in on the “results” of the “Investigation” into Reggie Bush and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?
If your “Investigators” need any help finding Reggie Bush’s Momma and Daddy’s house I will be happy to show them how to use “MapQuest”.

I am here for you…..

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: So last weekend Trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez re-injured his knee during the game with Oregon…
The PAC 10 Officials threw a flag and penalized the Oregon Ducks a 100 yards for hurting a “Hyphenated- American” which resulted in the automatic loss of the game….

I think that is the first time I ever heard of that penalty?
What about you?

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN$ TESTIMONIALS

“The Southern California Trojans defeated the Klingons, saved the whales and made us the kick-ass World Super Power we are today!”

- William Shatner

“I really like that big white horse that this part of the Southern California Mascot….
With it’s long face…big teeth…and wide butt…
I would have sworn I was looking at my wife..”

- Miles Brand: President NCAA

 U$C TROJAN$: Seriously…..
Shouldn’t you all be on Probation by Now?

You know…
NO Television….
NO Bowl games…
Loss of 20 Scholarships…
Per year…
For five years…
Loss of your National Championship…
ALL of your wins for those years…voided.
Loss of the Heisman for Reggie Bush…

Sound about right?

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: We saw what u-ins wrote about Peyton Manning last week!
You is innorant as hell!
Peyton is a Saint!!!!
Just like that Old Teresa’s Mother!
If wants to touch them Tennessee players before the game, well then By God we knows he got a good reason!
Maybe he’s a trying to heal them or something!
Cooter - Erwin, Tennessee
A: If you will try and justify those comments…..
Then I REALLY don’t want to know what you would do for a “Klondike Bar”….

It would be too embarrasing….

Q: Mike I am a Proud Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket Fan…
My neighbor told me because I don’t own a weed eater that means I am a Homosexual.
Is that true?
Chip - Atlanta, Georgia
A: Break out your Kenny Chesney CD’s Chip…
It’s true…

Q: Mike, you haven’t mentioned it in a while, but is your sister-in-law still dating that guy with the glass eye from the Carnival?
Sally - Benton, Arkansas
A: I can’t remember his name, so around my house we just refer to him as ”Mr. Peepers”….
But I have to tell you that they broke up. but promised to “Remain Friends”…
Which really means, we may see him “again” at Thanksgiving…
God Help me…

Q: Mike I have a question that I really hope you can help us out with..
We Texas A&M Aggies are having a tough year…
Some would say, a really tough year…
Is there anything that you can tell us that will give us hope and encouragement?
Roger - La Grange, Texas
A: I wish I could help you out Roger…
But when I saw “La Grange Texas” on your email…
The only thing I could think of was….

“Haw Haw Haw…..”

“Have mercy…..”

EDITORS NOTE: I am thankful that I finally got to have a ZZ Top reference…

Q: Mike, why would Peyton Manning “defend” Phil Fulmer they way he did a week ago on the Auburn sidelines?
Thanks!
Chris - Maryville, Tennessee
A: Chris…
I have on good authority it has to do with a “certain” picture involving a “former” Tennessee Quarterback….
A Hamster…
One Bottle of Wesson Oil…
And..
A “Certain” grossly overweight Tennessee Football Coach….

Playing a game of Semi-Nude “Twister” that went horribly wrong…

THE GAMES

Saturday October 11th

Texas and Oklahoma
The Texas State Fair….
Dallas, Texas
The Red River Shoot Out…..

The Cotton Bowl….

This game has all the atmosphere of a gunfight….

My Friends, it doesn’t get any bigger than this….

HOOK’EM HORNS 27-24

Iowa at Indiana
So we go from the “Red River Shoot-out”……
To the Homers and the Eyes of the Hawk…
This like going from watching the Sugar Bowl…
To watching re-runs of the 2002 Mid-American Regional Junior Chess Championships…

Kill me now….
HOMERS 24-21

EDITORS NOTE: If the folks from Indiana will go with renaming their team the “Gomers”; I can almost guarantee a “sponsorship” from Jim Nabors…
Just think about it…
That’s all I ask…

Toledo at Michigan
Must be “Homecoming” in Ann Arbor…
But Please don’t let Coach Rod’s wife be the “Homecoming Queen”….

You have one Ten Dollar Hooker for a Homecoming Queen and that’s all everyone talks about for ten years….
You don’t think so?
Ask the folks in OBKnoxville…..
WOLVERINES 34-17

East Carolina at Virginia
The Pirates right the ship this weekend…
(Thought that up myself…)
PIRATES 27-17

Syracuse at West Virginia
Victory in Morgantown smells like….
BURNING Couches!
Light Em UP!
MOUNTAINEERS 33-14

Minnesota at Illinois
Golden Gophers: The OTHER White Meat…
ZOOK’S FIGHTING PUMPKINS 34-17

Rutgers at Cincinnati
Have I mentioned that Cincinnati is the Chili Capitol of the Mid-West…
Well it is…
If you ever get a chance to try that “Goldstar” or “Skyline” Chili….
Lord…that is something special

Also as a medical side note: IF you are suffering from constipation, you will be “cured” within 12 hours of eating any of the above mentioned chili…

Forget I mentioned it….
BEARKATS 28-23

Colorado at Kansas
I must confess….
These Hawks of Jay fought like the Devil last weekend and….
NEVER gave up….
I like that…
JAY’S HAWKS 38-27

South Carolina at Kentucky
After the Wildcats scared the crap out of me last weekend…
This one is easy…
WILDCATS 24-21

Utah at Wyoming
I love those folks from Cowboy Country…
But Cousin Vinnie says this game is about the….
TWO UTES 28-17

Kansas State at Texas A&M
I have no reason to believe this will actually happen..
Just so you all know…
GIG EM AGGIES 28-24

Vanderbilt at Mississippi State
Common Wisdom would favor the Bulldogs…
But there is something special about these Commodores…
COMMODORES 24-14

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry Jim…I hope I am wrong.

Ursinus at Franklin Marshall
As in “Your Sinus”?
I guess it’s better than “UR-Anus”…
Never mind…

Nebraska at Texas Tech
Did I mention that Lubbock is the Home of the Great Buddy Holly?
I thought so…
“All my life I’ve been a waiting…
Tonight they will no hesitating….”

SO Get THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 43-17

EDITORS NOTE: I have been waiting for the right time to spring a Buddy Holly reference on you…

Arizona State at USC
The Sun Devils couldn’t beat a damn egg….
TROJAN$ 136-0

Tennessee at Georgia
Between the Hedges…
UGA VII is Hunkered Down….
RUN YOU SILVER BRITCHES!
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS? 27-17

EDITORS NOTE: Many of you may think…
“He just picked Georgia because he Hates Tennessee…”
That is only half the story…
I do dearly Love those Dawgs…

Purdue at Ohio State
It is written….
“And a freshman shall lead them….”

- Book Of Hayes

It’s in the Bible….Enough said.
BUCKEYES 33-17

Notre Dame at North Carolina
I wish I cared…
But I don’t…
TAR HEELS 31-24

Greenville at LaGrange College
“Haw Haw…Haw…”
Sorry, I still can’t get over my earlier ZZ Top reference….

Michigan State at Northwestern
I know…
I Know…
The Wildcats have their BEST Record since 1962….
Bla..Bla…Bla..
But that Ringer Kid is a Stud…
CALL THE SPARTANS 24-21

Texas Christian at Colorado State
Did somebody say TCU is the Home of Bob Lilly?
I did…
HORNED FROGS 28-24

Garner Webb at Georgia Tech
“Garner Webb” sounds like a Law Firm…
I hope they know “accident” and “Workers Comp” Law…
YELLOW JACKETS 44-0

Carson Newman at Catawba
You really can’t pronounce “Catawba” correctly unless you spit on yourself…
Which is disgusting…
SPARKS EAGLES 31-21

Central Florida at Miami (FL)
Must be “Homecoming” in Coral Gables…
Don’t disappoint me two weeks in a row Canes…
Please?
HURRICANES 38-14

New Mexico State at Nevada
The Wolfpack are a really good football team this year….
BUT the Aggies (with threats to the Administration to bring back “Pistol Pete” by yours truly…)

Are something special…..
I am a believer…
AGGIES 43-38

Arkansas at Auburn
If the Tigers lose again I wonder who Ears will toss under the bus?
No need to worry….
It ain’t happening….
WAR EAGLES 24-17

Juniata at Muhlenberg
Sounds like the story of some Mexican gal riding a mule doesn’t it?
Never mind….

Arizona at Stanford
Gosh, this would really be a “Great” PAC 10 matchup to watch….
But the Hamster Olympics are on ESPN 3 at the same time…..
CARDINAL 6-3

New Mexico at Brigham Young
The Low Blows take a shot in the Jimmy…..
COUGARS 38-17

EDITORS NOTE: Yes, I am that easily amused….

Washington State at Oregon State
Unless you are Sigfried and Roy….
Or Kenny Chesney…..
YOU believe in the Power of the Beaver…
BEAVERS 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: O.K. What did I say this time?
I was just talking about the Beaver…
So let it go….

Ball State at Western Kentucky
You may wonder: Will Ball State continue on their Cinderella Season?
Yes, for another week anyway…
CARDINALS 27-17

Iowa State at Baylor
I was trying to come up with a “Bears and Cyclones O’ My” Wizard of Oz reference…
But it just sounded creepy…
Sorry…
BEARS 27-24

Oklahoma State at Missouri
The Cowboys in the rear view mirror are a-lot closer than they appear…
MO’S TIGERS 33-28

LSU at Florida
I believe the Fightn’ Tigers have the better overall team…
But this game is in the Swamp..
And the Gators have Tim Tebow….
MIGHTY GATORS 24-21

Penn State at Wisconsin
The Badgers believe in the “Power of Cheese”…
Well Jo Pa “Cuts” the Cheese whenever he wants….
So there…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-17

Boise State at Southern Miss
After last week’s disappointment…..
(Which (by the way) would NOT have happened if you would have kept Coach Bowers..)
BRONCOS 34-17

Tulsa at Southern Methodist
I only have three words to say about this game…
“My Poor Ponies…”
GOLDEN HURRICANES 43-24

Tulane at UTEP
You say “Potato”, I say…
MINERS 31-14

EDITORS NOTE: I know….
It didn’t make alot of sense to me either (At First)
But after you think about it for a minute..
You will laugh your butt off…

Air Force at San Diego State
This game reminds me of one of my “favorite” selections in the New American Modern Revisionist History Book….
“The American Air Force Bombs the peaceful Ancient Aztecs; thus the term, “Stone age”
This selection can be found before the chapter on “When the U.S. Marines attacked the North Pole and Killed Santa Claus…”
We Americans are so naughty….
FALCONS 28-17

UCLA at Oregon
This game is like trying to pick the winner in a turtle race…
QUACKERS 3-2

Sunday October 12th

Louisiana Tech at Hawaii
This is the Very BEST Game on Sunday Night at Midnight Eastern Standard Time…

But if given the choice…
I would rather watch “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
That theme music is really catchy…

RAINBOW BRIGHT 34-31

Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB

I know what you are all saying….

Another week below 80%……

What has happened to Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator?

Nothing…..

I am fine…..
Believe me….

Sure…Last week I was 38 and 12 (a pitiful…76%)

And I know that drops me a point to 79% overall at 240 and 63…..

But there is no need to be concerned.

I just need to tighten my chin strap a little more…..

Let’s get to it…

Enjoy Your Picks!

THE GAMES

Thursday October 9th

Clemson at Wake Forest
I STILL Believe….

I STILL Believe that if Coach Tommy doesn’t win this damn game…
He will be gone sooner than he thinks…….

TIGERS 24-21

UAB at Houston
SOoooooooooo………
The “United Anti-Balloon Animal Protestors” are playing Houston?
I think the folks at PETA have taken this animal rights thing a bit too far…

They are BALLOON Animals People!
They aren’t REAL!

COUGARS 43-13

North Alabama at North Greenville
Before I pick this game, I need to make one “very Important” point.

There is NO “North” or “Northern” Alabama…
That term or terms simply DOES NOT Exist….
We have a “Up” State…and a “Upper” Alabama…

But a “Upper” Alabama University doesn’t sound right…
Hence the term “North Alabama University”…

I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…

LIONS 38-31

Friday October 10th

Louisville at Memphis
When I pick the Cardinal’s to “win”….
They Lose…

When I pick them to “Lose”..
They Win….

But I just listened to Elvis sing “Burning Love”…
ELVIS’S TIGERS 31-21

EDITORS NOTE: Thank you…thank you very much…

Your Saturday College Football Picks will be out Later in the Week….

RTR
MEB

As Promised over a week ago…..

And In honor of Coach (Saint) Bobby’s big win over the Hurricanes last Saturday….

I present to you clear cut evidence that Coach Bobby, despite being well over a hunderd years old and in a constant state of confusion, is still able to “recruit” the type of players that Seminole fans have grown accustomed to watching during the Bobby Bowden Era…

Enclosed is a recent snapshot of Coach Bobby looking over a few Seminole “recruits” mug shots…..

Sorry….
I mean “Class Photos”….

RTR
MEB

Before we get into Saturday’s Picks I have to say…

I am still mad about last night……

I am One and Two on Thursday night (again)?

DAMN it….

This is the reason my average has fallen faster than the stock market the last two weeks…

As you know I was a disappointing 30 and 15 (76%) last week…

Which leaves me at an embarrassing 202 and 51 for the season or 80%.

Hold on for a minute…..

I just said thirty “Hail Bryants”…..
Now I feel better…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

HAWAII: This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

NOW I am really glad you are losing…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I love those guys…

TENNESSEE: I recall the NCAA’s “Big Fat Secret Witness” had this to say about “Why he had a problem with the University of Alabama”….

“That University (Alabama) is recruiting in my backyard (Memphis), and I have to question why anyone would leave MY state for another school…”

- Fat Phil Fulmer (Also Known as the NCAA’s “Secret Witness”)

Really?

Well, somebody better alert the Fat Man because the Miami Hurricanes have gotten some key players out of his backyard under the shadow of his ever expanding ass….

From Memphis too……

Running Back…Graig Cooper
Corner Back…Carlos Armour
Offensive Line….Tyler Horn

 Let’s cut to the chase shall we?

Are you Tennessee Vol fans EVER going to be embarrassed by this gibbering jackass’s behavior?

Have you all sold your soul’s for a win?

Just wondering….

VANDERBILT: IF you beat Auburn this Saturday Night…
You all will be 5 and 0 for the first time since 1943…..

I am a Believer…..

CLEMSON: My Tiger Family…I have GOOD news.

This is how it’s going to work…

Dumbass Tommy’s Contract will be bought out by the end of the year…

Your “New” Coach?

Meet Coach Johnson of Vanderbilt…

He IS a Clemson Man…

and will be Your Football Coach in 2009…

Believe it…

NCAA: Seriously, when can we expect to hear about the “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$h and the $outhern California Trojan$?

In the words of Duane “Dog” Chapman…

“I will not give this up until I take my last dying breath”

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if people that “Google” Reggie Bu$h or the $outhern California Trojan$ ever get tired of seeing the Ole CFBWIZARD pop up…

NCAA (PART II): Has Fat Phil called you all yet about the Miami Hurricanes recruiting in Memphis?

MIAMI (FL): “IF” you happen to see what appears to be an overweight Manatee hiding in the bushes on the Hurrcane campus wearing a “Big Orange” T-shirt…

That smells like ass and potted meat…

Don’t worry…
OR call the Animal Control folks….

It’s just Fat Phil Fulmer conducting another “Investigation” for the NCAA….

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: YOU jackasses aren’t on probation or “Looking down the barrel of the Death Penalty” YET?

Really?

I guess that only applies to “Real” Southern Schools…

ESPN: How much longer must we be held hostage to the halftime segment entitled…”Dr. Lou”?

Why we must we be subjected to listening to a 140 pound Tom Turkey spit and slur during the entire halftime?

Lou sounds like Slyvester the Cat after a three day drinking binge….

ESPN (PART II): Everytime I hear Pam Ward talk…

I die…

Just a little bit…

Inside…

PLEASE make her STOP!

ESPN (PART III): SOOOOOooooooooooo….

You all really don’t want to talk about the NCAA and PAC 10 “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$H and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?

You do know I am going to bug the hell out of you and talk trash until you do?

Right?

Just so we understand each other…

HASKELL INDIAN NATIONS UNIVERSITY: For the first time in almost 75 years the university is re-introducing football on campus….

Why is this important?

Before this Country’s GREATIST athlete enrolled at Carlisle Indian School….

Jim Thorpe played football at Haskell Prep…..

That football field IS sacred ground…

Good Luck this weekend Boys!

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, what is your “Problem” with “everything” California?
Juniper - San Diego, California
A: Because you all suck…

I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…

Q: I have a question for you…
Why do they call Pittsburg State the “Gorillas”?
Thanks!
Chuck - Abilene, KS
A: Have you ever seen their Cheerleaders?

I rest my case….

Q: Hey, I got me a question!
My sister has what the doctor calls “Web” feet.
Does that mean if we hook her up to a computer, that
We is gettin our own “Web”-”site”?
GO VOLS
Stu - Pikeville, Tennessee
A: So Stu…
How close do you live to the Nuclear Power Plant?

Just wondering…

Q: Seriously Mike…
How old is Bobby Bowden?
Thanks!!
Tommy - Blacksburg, Virginia
A: Tommy…
When Bobby Bowden was born…
They hadn’t even invented dirt yet…

THE GAMES

Saturday October 4th

Penn State at Purdue
I would sooner doubt John Wayne than second guess Jo Pa…
JO PA’S LIONS 34-17

Duke at Georgia Tech
This is an imperfect world we live in….
Or…
They would BOTH Lose…
YELLOW JACKETS 31-23

Iowa at Michigan State
I like that Spartan Running Back…
That Ringer kid is a Class act…
CALL THE SPARTANS 23-14

Indiana at Minnesota
Gophers and Homers?
This is what I have to choose from?
Where is David Hasselhoff when you really need him?
OOOO SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-17

Boston College at North Carolina State
Not that it fits here….
But did you all know…
That a Boston accent is one of the VERY Best Birth Control devices known to mankind?
EAGLES 24-21

Rutgers at West Virginia
The folks from New Jersey (Pronounced: Newww Jorseee) are introduced to what is commonly referred to as:
A Mountain Ass Whoppin…
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17

Akron at Kent State
What a choice I have here…
Zippers or Protesting Wusseys…
I would rather watch monkeys sling poop for three hours…
ZIPPERS 23-10

Oklahoma at Baylor
This game is going to be uglier than my sister-in-law’s Prom Night…
“With” Power Blue Eye Shadow…
(Sorry for the Visual…)
BOOMER SOONER 38-13

Florida at Arkansas
There are few things in this world as mean as a wounded Gator…

Well…
That and my sister-in-law with a Hang Over…

Never mind…
It’s kind of the Same thing…
MIGHTY GATORS 43-10

Kansas at Iowa State
The Cyclones don’t have enough wind to make a popcorn fart…
HAWKS of JAY 33-17

Alcorn State at New Mexico State
Somebody really named their school after Al’s Bunion?
That is just disgusting…
AGGIES 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: Bring back “Pistol Pete”…..
I am NOT Kidding!

Western Kentucky at Virginia Tech
You say “Hill Toppers”…
I say……
“Turkey Feed”
HOKIES 33-10

UNLV at Colorado State
You know what they say?
What happens in Vegas…
Usually gets cured in the Doctors office in about ten to fourteen working days…
REBELS 28-20

South Carolina at Ole Miss
Forget about last week…
It’s a new day…..
GAMECOCKS 31-28

Stanford at Notre Dame
EVERYBODY in the Country Picked the IRISH last week…
TO LOSE…
BUT Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator..