Ladies and Gentlemen -

I know what you are all saying….

Another week below 80%……

What has happened to Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator?

Nothing…..

I am fine…..
Believe me….

Sure…Last week I was 38 and 12 (a pitiful…76%)

And I know that drops me a point to 79% overall at 240 and 63…..

But there is no need to be concerned.

I just need to tighten my chin strap a little more…..

Let’s get to it…

Enjoy Your Picks!

 

THE GAMES

Thursday October 9th

Clemson at Wake Forest
I STILL Believe….

I STILL Believe that if Coach Tommy doesn’t win this damn game…
He will be gone sooner than he thinks…….

TIGERS 24-21

 

UAB at Houston
SOoooooooooo………
The “United Anti-Balloon Animal Protestors” are playing Houston?
I think the folks at PETA have taken this animal rights thing a bit too far…

They are BALLOON Animals People!
They aren’t REAL!

COUGARS 43-13

 

North Alabama at North Greenville
Before I pick this game, I need to make one “very Important” point.

There is NO “North” or “Northern” Alabama…
That term or terms simply DOES NOT Exist….
We have a “Up” State…and a “Upper” Alabama…

But a “Upper” Alabama University doesn’t sound right…
Hence the term “North Alabama University”…

I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…

LIONS 38-31

 

Friday October 10th

Louisville at Memphis
When I pick the Cardinal’s to “win”….
They Lose…

When I pick them to “Lose”..
They Win….

But I just listened to Elvis sing “Burning Love”…
ELVIS’S TIGERS 31-21

EDITORS NOTE: Thank you…thank you very much…

Your Saturday College Football Picks will be out Later in the Week….

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

As Promised over a week ago…..

And In honor of Coach (Saint) Bobby’s big win over the Hurricanes last Saturday….

I present to you clear cut evidence that Coach Bobby, despite being well over a hunderd years old and in a constant state of confusion, is still able to “recruit” the type of players that Seminole fans have grown accustomed to watching during the Bobby Bowden Era…

Enclosed is a recent snapshot of Coach Bobby looking over a few Seminole “recruits” mug shots…..

Sorry….
I mean “Class Photos”….

 

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Before we get into Saturday’s Picks I have to say…

I am still mad about last night……

I am One and Two on Thursday night (again)?

DAMN it….

This is the reason my average has fallen faster than the stock market the last two weeks…

As you know I was a disappointing 30 and 15 (76%) last week…

Which leaves me at an embarrassing 202 and 51 for the season or 80%.

Hold on for a minute…..

I just said thirty “Hail Bryants”…..
Now I feel better…

Enjoy Your Picks!

 

College Football NEWS and VIEWS

HAWAII: This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

NOW I am really glad you are losing…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I love those guys…

 

TENNESSEE: I recall the NCAA’s “Big Fat Secret Witness” had this to say about “Why he had a problem with the University of Alabama”….

“That University (Alabama) is recruiting in my backyard (Memphis), and I have to question why anyone would leave MY state for another school…”

- Fat Phil Fulmer (Also Known as the NCAA’s “Secret Witness”)

Really?

Well, somebody better alert the Fat Man because the Miami Hurricanes have gotten some key players out of his backyard under the shadow of his ever expanding ass….

From Memphis too……

Running Back…Graig Cooper
Corner Back…Carlos Armour
Offensive Line….Tyler Horn

 Let’s cut to the chase shall we?

Are you Tennessee Vol fans EVER going to be embarrassed by this gibbering jackass’s behavior?

Have you all sold your soul’s for a win?

Just wondering….

 

VANDERBILT: IF you beat Auburn this Saturday Night…
You all will be 5 and 0 for the first time since 1943…..

I am a Believer…..

 

CLEMSON: My Tiger Family…I have GOOD news.

This is how it’s going to work…

Dumbass Tommy’s Contract will be bought out by the end of the year…

Your “New” Coach?

Meet Coach Johnson of Vanderbilt…

He IS a Clemson Man…

and will be Your Football Coach in 2009…

Believe it…

 

NCAA: Seriously, when can we expect to hear about the “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$h and the $outhern California Trojan$?

In the words of Duane “Dog” Chapman…

“I will not give this up until I take my last dying breath”

 

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if people that “Google” Reggie Bu$h or the $outhern California Trojan$ ever get tired of seeing the Ole CFBWIZARD pop up…

 

NCAA (PART II): Has Fat Phil called you all yet about the Miami Hurricanes recruiting in Memphis?

 

MIAMI (FL): “IF” you happen to see what appears to be an overweight Manatee hiding in the bushes on the Hurrcane campus wearing a “Big Orange” T-shirt…

That smells like ass and potted meat…

Don’t worry…
OR call the Animal Control folks….

It’s just Fat Phil Fulmer conducting another “Investigation” for the NCAA….

 

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA: YOU jackasses aren’t on probation or “Looking down the barrel of the Death Penalty” YET?

Really?

I guess that only applies to “Real” Southern Schools…

 

ESPN: How much longer must we be held hostage to the halftime segment entitled…”Dr. Lou”?

Why we must we be subjected to listening to a 140 pound Tom Turkey spit and slur during the entire halftime?

Lou sounds like Slyvester the Cat after a three day drinking binge….

 

ESPN (PART II): Everytime I hear Pam Ward talk…

I die…

Just a little bit…

Inside…

PLEASE make her STOP!

 

ESPN (PART III): SOOOOOooooooooooo….

You all really don’t want to talk about the NCAA and PAC 10 “Investigation” into Reggie Bu$H and the Univer$ity of $outhern California Trojan$?

You do know I am going to bug the hell out of you and talk trash until you do?

Right?

Just so we understand each other…

 

HASKELL INDIAN NATIONS UNIVERSITY: For the first time in almost 75 years the university is re-introducing football on campus….

Why is this important?

Before this Country’s GREATIST athlete enrolled at Carlisle Indian School….

Jim Thorpe played football at Haskell Prep…..

That football field IS sacred ground…

Good Luck this weekend Boys!

 

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, what is your “Problem” with “everything” California?
Juniper - San Diego, California
A: Because you all suck…

I hope that cleared up any misunderstanding…

Q: I have a question for you…
Why do they call Pittsburg State the “Gorillas”?
Thanks!
Chuck - Abilene, KS
A: Have you ever seen their Cheerleaders?

I rest my case….

Q: Hey, I got me a question!
My sister has what the doctor calls “Web” feet.
Does that mean if we hook her up to a computer, that
We is gettin our own “Web”-”site”?
GO VOLS
Stu - Pikeville, Tennessee
A: So Stu…
How close do you live to the Nuclear Power Plant?

Just wondering…

Q: Seriously Mike…
How old is Bobby Bowden?
Thanks!!
Tommy - Blacksburg, Virginia
A: Tommy…
When Bobby Bowden was born…
They hadn’t even invented dirt yet…

 

THE GAMES

Saturday October 4th

Penn State at Purdue
I would sooner doubt John Wayne than second guess Jo Pa…
JO PA’S LIONS 34-17

Duke at Georgia Tech
This is an imperfect world we live in….
Or…
They would BOTH Lose…
YELLOW JACKETS 31-23

Iowa at Michigan State
I like that Spartan Running Back…
That Ringer kid is a Class act…
CALL THE SPARTANS 23-14

Indiana at Minnesota
Gophers and Homers?
This is what I have to choose from?
Where is David Hasselhoff when you really need him?
OOOO SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 23-17

Boston College at North Carolina State
Not that it fits here….
But did you all know…
That a Boston accent is one of the VERY Best Birth Control devices known to mankind?
EAGLES 24-21

Rutgers at West Virginia
The folks from New Jersey (Pronounced: Newww Jorseee) are introduced to what is commonly referred to as:
A Mountain Ass Whoppin…
Light those Couches!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-17

Akron at Kent State
What a choice I have here…
Zippers or Protesting Wusseys…
I would rather watch monkeys sling poop for three hours…
ZIPPERS 23-10

Oklahoma at Baylor
This game is going to be uglier than my sister-in-law’s Prom Night…
“With” Power Blue Eye Shadow…
(Sorry for the Visual…)
BOOMER SOONER 38-13

Florida at Arkansas
There are few things in this world as mean as a wounded Gator…

Well…
That and my sister-in-law with a Hang Over…

Never mind…
It’s kind of the Same thing…
MIGHTY GATORS 43-10

Kansas at Iowa State
The Cyclones don’t have enough wind to make a popcorn fart…
HAWKS of JAY 33-17

Alcorn State at New Mexico State
Somebody really named their school after Al’s Bunion?
That is just disgusting…
AGGIES 34-14

EDITORS NOTE: Bring back “Pistol Pete”…..
I am NOT Kidding!

Western Kentucky at Virginia Tech
You say “Hill Toppers”…
I say……
“Turkey Feed”
HOKIES 33-10

UNLV at Colorado State
You know what they say?
What happens in Vegas…
Usually gets cured in the Doctors office in about ten to fourteen working days…
REBELS 28-20

South Carolina at Ole Miss
Forget about last week…
It’s a new day…..
GAMECOCKS 31-28

Stanford at Notre Dame
EVERYBODY in the Country Picked the IRISH last week…
TO LOSE…
BUT Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator..
No Need to thank me…
FIGHTING IRISH 28-17

Army at Tulane
Dare I pick the once proud Black Knights of the Hudson?
NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!
GREEN WAVE 24-14

Kentucky at Alabama
I love my Big Blue Fans…
There are no better fans on the planet…
SO I will keep this one simple…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-17

Texas Tech at Kansas State
Do you know what time it is?
It’s TIME to get those GUNS UP RED RAIDERS!
RED RAIDERS 38-20

Mars Hill at Carson Newman
You know we have a screwed up immigration policy when People from “Mars” have their own college…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10

Illinois at Michigan
It’s October…..
Which means it’s too close to Halloween…
To go against the Fighting Pumpkins…
ZOOK’S PUMPKINS 31-21

 
Arizona State at California
You may call me “crazy”….
So did that “know it all” Doctor…
SUN DEVILS 24-23

Southern Methodist at Central Florida
Say it with me…
MIGHTY..MIGHTY…
MUSTANGS! 33-31

Florida State at Miami (FL)
The Good News?
Coach Bobby thinks he is meeting Woodrow Wilson and getting an award for “discovering” Sea Monkeys…
The Bad News?
It’s STILL Hurricane Season…
CANES 33-17

Navy at Air Force
Didn’t the “Village People” have a Sailor in the “group”?
That’s what I thought…
FALCONS 38-24

Nevada at Idaho
When I hear or read about Idaho I don’t think about football or potatoes..
I remember that girl “Ida” from High School…
She had a rather “progressive view of morals” for her time…
Forget I mentioned it…
WOLFPACK 28-24

Auburn at Vanderbilt
I am not sure I believe it myself…
But I am a Believer….
COMMODORES 17-16

San Diego State at Texas Christian
Didn’t the Aztec’s Kill the Baby Seals?
I learned that from a southern California History Teacher..
HORNED FROGS 38-10

Connecticut at North Carolina
Did you see the Tar Heels play last weekend?
My point exactly…..
TAR HEELS 24-17

Texas A&M at Oklahoma State
My favorite movie of all time?
After “Lonesome Dove”?
John Wayne: The Cowboys.
Enough said…
COWBOY UP! 27-10

Maryland at Virginia
I will not doubt the POWER of the NINJA turtles…
Again…
NINJA TURTLES 38-13

UTEP at Southern MIss
I will let you all in on a little “secret” to picking the games…
UTEP is in El Paso…
Southern Miss is in Hattiesburg Mississippi…
El Paso smells like a used urinal cake…

Hattiesburg smells like heaven…

That’s how it’s done…
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-17

Northern Illinois at Tennessee
By the time the Knoxghanistan Newspaper gets finished writing about this game….
You will think the Vowels beat the damn New England Patriots…
Enjoy it while you can…

YOU all got the Big DAWGS next week….
VOWELS 43-17

Ball State at Toledo
Have I mentioned that David Letterman went to Ball State?
Well, so did one of the best looking women in South Carolina…
So there…
CARDINALS 34-24

Washington at Arizona
I would LOVE to watch this game…
Really I would…
But there is a “special” about Gary Coleman on Vh1 “Behind the Music”…
I wish he would write a song called “What’ Ch-U Talking about Willis”..
Sometimes I wish for too much…
WILDCATS 6-3

Oregon at U$C
In a “Perfect World”?
They would BOTH lose….
By A lot…
TROJAN$ 3-2

Texas at Colorado
What is the first thing I think about when I wake up?
I Remember the Alamo…
HOOK EM HORNS 38-14

Ohio State at Wisconsin
This is the Game of the Week….
The “National Sports Media” believes the Badgers will win this game….
Thank God you all have me…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 27-23

Rice at Tulsa
I LOVE Rice Pudding….
But (Like I said) it is STILL Hurricane season….
GOLDEN HURRICANES 24-23

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry…that just sounded nasty.

Missouri at Nebraska
Coach Bo will keep this closer than you think….
Keep the faith my Black Shirt Faithful….
The Huskers ARE on their way back…
MO’S TIGERS 34-23

Wyoming at New Mexico
I hate picking the Low Blows….
It’s the same feeling you get when you order something from Tony Little…
LOW BLOWS 13-7

Hawaii at Fresno State
For those that are hearing impaired…..
Let me repeat the earlier statement concerning Hawaii Warrior Football….

This message is for Rainbow Head Coach Greg McMackin…
YOU “demoted” Coach Brian Kajiyama?
Shame on you…

YOU do not deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…
I really do love THOSE guys…
BULLDOGS 34-17

 Washington State at UCLA
I have to change the dirt out of my ant farm or I would watch this game…
Really….
BRUINS 23-17

Enjoy your Games!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

It’s time once again to provide you (My Beloved Fans) the Early Picks of the Week.

And as Promised….

Your Saturday Picks will be out on Friday Evening…

So don’t stress….

Don’t worry….

There is plenty of time for that on Sunday Morning after the Games….

Enjoy Your Picks!

 

Motivation from Yesterday….

We all enjoy hearing about the motivational pre-game speeches…

Especially if they are from our favorite team.

I have had the priviledge during my lifetime of hearing some pre-game pep talks from the very best there is or ever will be…

But I have to say this pre-game speech of yesterday has always been one of my favorites.

“Your fathers and your grandfathers are the ones who fought their fathers.
These men playing against you today are soldiers.
They are the Long Knives.
You are Indians.
Tonight, we will know if you are warriors.”

- Glenn “Pop” Warner, Head Coach of the Carlisle Indians, pre-game pep talk to Jim Thorpe and the Carlisle team before the game with the Cadets of West Point.

If this doesn’t motivate you…
Then you need to check your pulse….

 

THE GAMES

Wednesday October 1st

Louisiana Tech at Boise State
Call it a feeling….
BRONCOS 38-3

Thursday October 2nd

Pittsburg at South Florida
The Boys from Tampa are for real….
And that my friends…
Is NO BULL…
BULLS 31-17

Memphis at UAB
I just finished listening to an Elvis CD…
So I have to go with the team from Graceland…
ELVIS’S TIGERS 24-17

EDITORS NOTE: Actually, I was listening to a Jethro Tull (No it wasn’t an Eight Track) CD.

But Elvis is STILL the King…
Amen…

 

Oregon State at Utah
This is NOT an UPSET Special…
I just Believe…..
BEAVERS 33-31

Friday October 3rd

Assumption at Bentley College
Why would someone name their school after a strain of tuberculous?
I am too disgusted to pick this game…

Brigham Young at Utah State
Another showdown in the Land of Donny and Marie…
I can promise you one thing about this game…
The fans at this game have the whitest, straightest teeth in all of college football….
COUGARS 38-17

Cincinnati at Marshall
I really like those BearKats….
But there is something special about this Thundering Herd Team…..
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-24

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Before we discuss the past week in College Football, I want to tell you a thing or two about picking the games….

You see I have been in a rush picking your games.
I admit it…

I am not making excuses…
If I were to make excuses I would use any one of my favorite three excuses.
You know what those are right?

The Sun was in my eyes…

I had a rock in my shoe….

And…
I don’t play well on artificial turf…

You see “IF” I hadn’t of been in a hurry this past week, (Believe it or not)…
I would have picked Oregon State over U$C…and
the Houston Cougars over East Carolina…

Don’t get me wrong..
I still would have missed Navy over Wake Forest…
Michigan over Wisconsin….
Colorado over Florida State…
Iowa over Northwestern…
and I Damn sure would have missed Ole Miss over…
Never mind you get the picture…

Not that it would have made a big difference…

I just would have felt better about myself this week…

NOT that it wasn’t a GREAT weekend for me….

But I will be much more careful (for you) My Beloved fans in the Future…

ROLL TIDE ROLL……
MEB

 

FROM THE….

WHAT THE HELL? (FILE)

WISCONSIN: What were you cheeseheads thinking?
Thanks for making me look like a complete jackass….

WAKE FOREST: How could you lose to “Navy”? Their mascot is a goat!
You beat Florida State (AT Florida State!) last Saturday…
Then Lose to Navy at home the next….

I am speechless….

COLORADO: Were you all really that un-inspired without my sister-in-law leading you onto the field? I knew that she could irritate the hell out of someone…(anyone)
But “Inspire”?
Never….

CARSON NEWMAN: I can believe losing to “Mayberry”, but “New” Berry…?

CLEMSON: My friends….
I do not have words that will comfort you…
Except maybe….
FIRE TOMMY’S ASS……

IOWA: “Children of the Corn”…my butt.
You all couldn’t scare a class of second graders…

FLORIDA: I am still too shocked to speak on the subject…
Maybe next week…

MIAMI (FL): You all play the toughest 15 minutes of football in the country…
Unfortunately the game is 60 damn minutes long….

HAWAII: The way you play; you don’t deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART I)

“The first thing they need to do is listen to Coach Fulmer and the coaching staff……they know what they are doing..”

-Peyton Manning talking to CBS Sideline Reporter Tracy Wolfson on the Tennessee bench during the Tennessee - Auburn game

EDITORS NOTE: You Tennessee Vol fans ARE smart enough to know this is “damage control” to save the Fat Man’s job right?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART II)

“This team needs to listen to Coach Fulmer and the coaching staff….
They have a plan. So listen to them and follow the plan…
Coach Fulmer knows what he is doing….”

- The second time CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson spoke with Peyton Manning on the Tennessee bench during the Tennessee - Auburn game

EDITORS NOTE: Seriously; you Tennessee fans “DO KNOW” this “Spin Cycle” is all being done to protect Fat Phil’s job, right?
You sure….?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART III)

“I wanted to touch each of the players in a place they hadn’t been touched before…”

- Peyton Manning’s response to CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson when asked if he said or did anything with the Vol Football team before the game…

EDITORS NOTE: Dude, I wouldn’t have said that…

 

 

GOD’S GIFT TO THE COMMON MAN

This week’s God’s Gift to the Common man (and woman) comes in the form of the greatest gift to tailgating since the invention of charcoal…

Earl Campbell’s Hot Links…

Not only was Earl a Heisman Trophy winner from the University of Texas…
(Hook Em Horns…)
And a member of the Professional Football Hall of Fame…

He also makes the best damn Hot Links and Sausage on the planet…

Here is one link (No Pun intended) there are others…
Get some today…
There is nothing like them…
http://www.samsclub.com/shopping/navigate.do?dest=5&item=182629

 

 

COMMENTARY

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: The Trojan$ lose to an unranked team with a losing record (No disrespect to the Oregon State Beavers)……..
And the Trojan$ stay in the AP top ten….
Did you know the Trojan$ are currently only 2 and 1…..

The Number “Ten” Team is 5 and 0….

It finally occurred to me what bothers me the most about everything $outhern California Trojan$….

The sense of entitlement….

Why don’t they have to “Fight their way back into the Top Ten”?
Like everybody else….

If they were really that good…
Would they have lost to Oregon State?

The belief of the Privileged….

The Trojan$ and their Pimps from ESPN and ABC “believe” the Trojan$ are a team of “Destiny”…and they “still” have a shot at the National Title….

Of course ESPN and ABC Sports don’t think THE Ohio State University has a shot at the title…despite losing to the (then) top team in the nation….not an unranked losing team (No disrespect to the Oregon State Beavers..)

ESPN and ABC have all but written off Georgia despite losing to a top ten footbal team AND falling out of the Top Ten themselves…

Why don’t the TROJAN$ (after a stellar 2 and 1 record) have to work like the devil (and maybe win a few more games) to get back into the Top Ten or Top fifteen?

I WONDER don’t you?

 

NCAA: I continue to see on the various College Football Blogs and Forums how Great and wonderful “Alabama is doing since being on probation…”

Some still call us cheaters…

Prehaps what bothers me the most, even more than the FACT that the NCAA punished the University of Alabama without ANY evidence….

That’s right I said it…
AND so did the Lead NCAA Investigator in the case…

I would suggest…
You READ the NCAA “evidence” and you will agree…
Yet I digress…

Is the fact the NCAA has ALL the evidence they need in the Reggie Bush - Southern California Trojan Case……

 In the form of recorded tapes with Reggie Bush and his then “sports agent”…
Credit Card receipt’s….payed for by Reggie’s “sports agent”…
signed by Reggie Himself…

Plane Tickets…
Signed legal agreement’s…

and a HOUSE with an ADDRESS for GOD’S Sake…!!!!!!
Paid by Reggie’s “Sports Agent”….

Yet….
The NCAA and the PAC 10 Conference refuses to say anything concerning the investigation…

WHY?

I guess there are two sets of rules at the NCAA….
Those for Southerners….and the midwest…
And those for the privileged….

EDITORS NOTE: And as a side note…
The only thing funnier than the NCAA using the words “Fair” is when they use the word “Education”…

 

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, I cannot believe how Tennessee is a playing!
We is depressed as hell around here!
When we was a watching the game this past weekend, we noticed Coach Fulmer hollering at the Vol Quarterback, when he a coming off the field!
We couldn’t hear or tell what he was a saying!
Do you know what Coach Fulmer was telling the Tennessee Quarterback?
Thanks!
Shakey and Shelia - Athens, Tennessee

A: Lucky for you I have Bionic Hearing…
Coach Fulmer was telling the Tennessee Quarterback Jonathan Cromton…
“GET in MY BELLY!”

Q: Mike, did you see Chris Berman on College Game Day this past Saturday?
He said (and I quote..)
“The SEC, The BIG 12 and the BIG Ten need to pay attention!
The Ivy League is were football was invented!”

What do you think about that?
Kevin - Thomasville, Georgia
A: Well Kevin, “Flight” was invented at Kitty Hawk North Carolina and they don’t even have a damn airport today…
So don’t put any stock in what some smartass over-paid yankee has to say…

Q: What ever happened to the NCAA’s “Excessive Celebration” rule in College Football?
Since the University of Washington was taken behind the woodshed by the “rule”…
And the NCAA and the PAC 10 Conference Defended the rulings…
The NCAA appears to have backed away from their ruling…
YET, we haven’t heard anything..
What gives?
Thanks Mike!
Jimmy - Lincoln, Nebraska

A: In case you didn’t know Jimmy…
The NCAA is made up of a bunch of “Know it all” Academics, that can’t (and won’t) admit when they are wrong…

O’ Yeah…
Also they are all Wusseys….

Q: Mike, if you were driving down the road and you saw the President of the NCAA (Miles Brand) on the side of the road, what one word comes to mind?
Be Honest….
Jerry - Birmingham, Alabama
A: “Accelerate”

Enjoy your Week!

RTR

MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I don’t know about you….
But I am still higher than a Georgia Pine over the Oregon State Beavers win last night!

I half expected to wake up this morning and read about mass suicides within the College Football National Media over the U$C Trojan loss…

You can’t blame a guy for dreaming, can you?

Before we launch into Saturday’s Games let’s talk about last week.

Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was an uncharacteristic 30 and 14 or a rather disappointing 68%….

I will however say the Boise State Bronco fans don’t really care; because I nailed their win over the Oregon Quacks…

Before I give our overall numbers for the season I think it’s about time I say…..

HOW ABOUT THE OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEATING THAT TROJAN ASS!

Currently we are 172 and 36 or 83% for the year….

Which isn’t too bad considering….

OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEAT THE BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY!

This will not get old for me…any time soon.

Enjoy your Picks!

 

CLASS ACT OF THE WEEK

MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS: Senior Running Back Javon Ringer after rushing for 282 yards and scoring both touchdowns in the Spartans 17 to 0 win over Florida Atlantic told the post game media…

“I don’t know why you all are talking to me…Behind me is my offensive line. They did all the work and without them, I wouldn’t have gotten anything…”

Javon Ringer then proceded to introduce his offensive line one by one and then he politely excuse himself so the media and the offensive line could talk….

EDITORS NOTE: This young man is nothing BUT CLASS….Period.

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“Nobody in the PAC 10 can compete with U$C…..”

- Kirt Herbstreit - ESPN College Football Gameday

EDITORS NOTE: Isn’t Oregon State in the PAC 10?
Just wondering…..

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART II)

“We are only a quarter of the way through our season…so we have alot more football to play”

- Southern California Trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez response to being asked by Kirt Herbstreit on how the Trojans are prepared to remain “The Number One Team in the Country”…

EDITORS NOTE: Let me see if I have this right…

When asked that question the Trojan$ had only played TWO..as in 2 games.

So a “Quarter” of the Games would be what?

So, either the Trojan$ only play EIGHT games or it is REALLY REALLY easy to get a Math and Accounting Degree from Southern California…

Dumbass…..

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART III)

“Me and my teammates, like we ain’t no quitters…
We bring it all day long…All day….you know…
Like you wait and see.”

- Tennessee Volunteer Defensive Back Eric Berry on being prepared for the Florida Gators…

BEFORE they were soundly thrashed 30 to 6 by the Mighty Florida Gators…

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if Mr. Berry is an English major?

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART IV)

“We don’t have any leadership on this team…”

- Coach Phil Fulmer on the 2008 Tennessee Volunteer Football team

EDITORS NOTE: Can we assume that starts from the top?

 

THE GAMES

Saturday September 27th

Minnesota at Ohio State
This week an O’So Gloden Gopher means….
A Gopher that has been fried to a crispy golden brown…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 28-14

Maryland at Clemson
This game will be real close for two quarters….
Then it will be nothing but…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 31-17

Carson Newman at Newberry
If this game was against Mayberry I would feel different…
Because I could never go against Andy and Barney…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10

Michigan State at Indiana
Down go the Homers…..
Or Homer Down! (If you prefer)
Never mind….
SPARTANS 33-13

Virginia at Duke
Why? My Point exactly….
I can’t believe I did this either…
BLUE DEVILS 23-17

Pittsburg at Syracuse
This is the “Who Sucks Worse” Game …
It’s a toss up…
PANTHERS 13-10

Kent State at Ball State
Ahhhhhh……
All is right with the World when Kent State loses at ANYTHING….
CARDINALS 43-10

North Carolina at Miami
The Heels will keep it close….
But we are still in Hurricane Season….
HURRICANES 33-24

Northwestern at Iowa
What is with the “Eyes of the Hawk”?
(Which by the way sounds like a Sylvester Stallone Movie)

EYES of the HAWK 23-17
Coming to a theater near you…

Ole Miss at Florida
The Good news is that Morgan Freeman is recovering well from his automobile accident…
He is THE voice of the University of Mississippi…
Other than that Ole Miss is going to get their ass kicked…
MIGHTY GATORS 34-14

Army at Texas A&M
The Aggies finally found a team they can beat…
Congratulations…
GIG EM AGGIES 43-13

Rhode Island at Boston College
I cannot in good conscience pull for a team or a state that is living a lie…
Rhode Island is NOT an Island…
Liars…
EAGLES 38-10

Arkansas at Texas
An Old Fashioned Southwest Conference Fight….
President Nixon said the 1969 game between these two team was the game of the century..
This one will not be as powerful…
But it will be one hell of a game…
LONGHORNS 34-17

Wisconsin at Michigan
If you are a Wolverine Fan I would send the kids to Grandma’s house for the weekend…
This is going to be uglier than Coach Rod’s wife without any make-up…
BADGERS 31-17

EDITORS NOTE: Yes…It will be THAT ugly.

Tennessee at Auburn
Can you play that song for me?
You know the one…
Rocky Flop…
WAR DAMN EAGLE 27-14

Houston at East Carolina
The Cougars will keep this a lot closer that you might think…
PIRATES 27-24

Fresno State at UCLA
I wish I could watch this “instant classic” but, VH1 has a progam devoted to Singing Mexican Midgets in Sombreros…
You see my dilemmia..right?
BRUINS 6-3

Colorado at Florida State
Before you ask…
No my Sister-in-law will not be leading the Colorado Team onto the Field…
She gets car sick on long trips…
Trust me on this one…
BUFFALOS 33-28

Purdue at Notre Dame
Even after last weeks loss….
I still believe…for now
FIGHTING IRISH 31-28

Morgan State at Rutgers
I don’t even know who this Morgan guy is…
Forget about it….
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 44-10

Marshall at West Virginia
I REALLY want to pick the Thundering Herd in this one…
But I have to go with History…
Light those Couches…But not too much.
MOUNTAINEERS 24-21 

Cincinnati at Akron
Seriously….what the hell is a “Zip”?
You named your team after a “Zipper”?
What was your other choice?
“The Urinal Cakes”?
BEARKATS 28-17

Louisiana Lafayette at Kansas State
No disrespect to anything Rajun or Cajun…
This one is all…
WILDCATS 27-17

Navy at Wake Forest
Nothing says “Demon Deacon” quite like a Jimmy Swaggart “Praise-a-Thon”…..
Not that it really fits here…
I just thought it was funny…
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

North Texas at Rice
Between a Kitchen Cleanser and my favorite pudding?
No contest…
RICE PUDDING 31-28

Colorado State at California
This one will be a lot closer….
as in A LOT Closer than you might think….
DA BEARS 24-20

Oregon at Washington State
This is a GREAT time to remind EVERYBODY….
THE OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEAT the Univer$ity of the $econd Coming!
ANIMAL QUACKERS 43-10 

Texas Christian at Oklahoma
The Horned Frogs will keep this close for a half….
Then it will be time to crank up the Boomer Sooner…
BOOMER SOONER 34-17

Western Kentucky at Kentucky
You know….
I still miss Bill Keightley…. 
This one is for “Mr. Wildcat”…
WILDCATS 28-14

Central Arkansas at Tulsa
Even though I still think that Hurricane Ike was a jackass…
I have to go with…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 43-10

UAB at South Carolina
Why are the “United Arab Badminton-ers” playing the Gamecocks?

There is so much wrong with this I don’t know where to begin….
GAMECOCKS 24-10

Troy at Oklahoma State
You better keep your eye on Troy in this one…
COWBOYS 27-17 

Mississippi State at LSU
I wish I had better news for you Bulldog Jim…
FIGHTN TIGERS 38-10

South Florida at North Carolina State
You better believe it….
This is No Bull…
BULLS 27-23

Alabama at Georgia
This is THE Game of the Day….

My Dawg Faithful know that I love them…

I miss ole UGA…
and appreciate the new dawg…

I have never met a bad Georgia Bulldog fan…
Ever..

Sorry Lewis…

CRIMSON TIDE 24-21

Illinois at Penn State
I asked Jo Pa once what he thought about Jim Thorpe…

Coach said “he was the best football player he ever saw…”

Enough said…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-24

EDITORS NOTE: You may not think the above comment fits…
But it does…
 

Weber State at Utah
I cannot believe the Grill Factory has a college….
Can You?
TWO UTES 44-10

Virginia Tech at Nebraska
Before you ask…
No, I didn’t studder….
HUSKERS 24-20

New Mexico at New Mexico State
The winner of this instate battle gets a really cool Cactus…
Which is nice… 
AGGIES 27-24

Stanford at Washington
I never thought I would see the day I picked the “tree” over the Mighty Huskies…
“CARDINAL” (Singular) 24-23

Nevada at UNLV
Will the Running Rebels remain undefeated?
Yes….they will
REBELS 33-31

Sunday, September 28th

San Jose Somebody at Hawaii
Who cares…
Dog the Bounty Hunter is back on A&E on Wednesday Nights!
WARRIORS Dancing with the Stars on RAINBOWS 38-17

Enjoy your Games!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Much like Ward Cleaver…

I too Hail the Power of the Beaver….

OREGON STATE BEAVERS 27

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN$ 21

Congratulations to the Oregon State Beavers for killing the hopes and dreams of the most overrated team in all of College Football for the last ten years…

That (O’ By the Way)…
Should be on NCAA Probation by now anyway…

I am SO Glad I was wrong about that game….

More later today…

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

We only have time to cover those College Football Games that take place between now and Saturday…

So Please…Stay tuned.

We have a lot to discuss on Friday in Part II of Your Week Five College Football Picks…

We will have the Weekly Round Up…

Email Questions and Answers….

And the All Important Games of the Week…

 Alabama and Georgia between the hedges…

Arkansas and Texas in an old Fashion Southwest Conference Fight….

The Thundering Herd of Marshall travel to Morgantown to take on the Mountaineers of West Virginia…

And a whole lot more….

See you back here on Friday for all the games…

Also….

Before I forget…
Hootie Snitch (The Self Proclaimed “Number One Tennessee Vol Fan on the Planet!”) found his mothers dentures….
So you Tennessee Fans can call off the search.

Her teeth were found in the glovebox of her Towtruck behind the “New” pair of Channel Locks…

Enjoy your Picks!

 

Thursday September 25th

Southern Methodist at Tulane
My Mighty Mustangs are only a year away….
GREEN WAVE 33-23

Southern California at Oregon State
I don’t know which is worse…
Knowing the Trojans are going to win…
OR the National Sports Media slobber fest that will take place over the next four hours on “How Great The Trojans Are..”
TROJANS 43-17

Friday September 26th

Connecticut at Louisville
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!
Don’t try and Stop Me!….
Just Believe….
CARDINALS 31-27

Hofstra at Stony Brook
The truth is, I could care less about a school named after a lung infection….
But this game does remind me that it’s time for a shamless plug for my friends at Stony Brook Chalets in Beautiful Gatlinburg….
There isn’t a better place on the planet to relax and recharge than at Stony Brook…
Give them a call….you will be glad you did.

http://www.stonybrooklodging.com/

 

See you back here tomorrow…

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

As promised we return for the Saturday College Football Games…..

Due to limited time this week for “The Picks” I will present the “Southern California Trojan” version of the College Football Picks next week…

However, just for you (My Beloved Fans) I will provide a sample of what is to come in that segment with a “Southern California Trojan” Testimonial…
It should be more than enough to get your funny bone going for the weekend…

Enjoy Your Picks!

 

College Football News and Views

HURRICANE IKE: Now I know how Tina felt….
I am glad your ass is gone….

ARCHIE MANNING: Is it just me, or is Archie starting to look more like Woody Allen each day?

FLORIDA STATE: Even at Bobby’s advanced age he is out on the recruiting trail…
You don’t think so?
Tune in next week, I have a picture to prove it!

ESPN: The only thing you have for us at Halftime on Thursday Night College Football is “Dr. Lou”?

Really? That’s all you all came up with?

Lou spitting and gobbling for 15 minutes?

HOW about SHOWING us the Damn MARCHING BANDS?

TENNESSEE: This past week Phat Phil and his “personal” Attorney Jeff Hagood filed a motion to prevent Coach Phil Fulmer from having to provide a depostion in a lawsuit involving a former Alabama Booster.

This isn’t the “Same” Coach Phil Fulmer that stated in an article this past summer (printed in the Knoxville News-Sentinel) that self-proclaimed he was a “man of Principle and Integrity”…

This couldn’t be the “Same” Coach Fulmer that stated on a radio sports talk show “I didn’t have anything to do with the investigation into  Alabama…”
Then Proceded to conduct his own investigation with “Thunder Lips” Thornton and became the NCAA “Secret Witness”?

EDITORS NOTE: The wheels of justice move slowly….but they finally caught his fat ass.

AUBURN: This past week the President of Auburn University had to issue a statement to the student, fans and alumni….
“Be good sports…Don’t Boo your team or the opposing team…Your behavior reflects poorly on the Auburn Family…”

EDITORS NOTE: I NEVER thought I would see the day when the Auburn Fans acted like Tennessee Fans….You should all be ashamed of yourselves….

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously, shouldn’t you all be on probation by now?
Just wondering……

MICHIGAN: I know it hurts losing to a crappy Notre Dame Team….
But Look on the bright side….
Coach Rod’s wife STILL looks like a ten Dollar Hooker….

NCAA: SOoooooo just exactly are you with the “BIG” Investigation into Reggie Bush and the Mighty Southern California Trojans..?

STILL Wondering…..

 

EMAIL Questions and Answers

Q: Mike, how do they seperate the “Boys” from the “Men” at The University of Southern California?
Mel - Seattle, Washington
A: With a Crowbar….

Q: Hey Man! I am a Roadie for a Poison cover band called “Poison: Overdose” and I have a question for you! If Bret Michaels was a college football team who would it be and why?
Thanks Dude, you rock!
“Beef” - Kansas City, Missouri
A: I would have to say Georgia Tech…Because they are after all..
 ”The Rambling Wreck”…Rock on Dude..

Q: If you could have one wish, would it be for “World Peace” or “Ending World Hunger”?
Flower - Coronado, California
A: Neither….
It would involve a Deaf Mute “Super Model” that owned her own chain of liquor stores…

Q: Mike, our neighbors are Tennessee fans…
They are normal 8 months out of the year…
You can talk with them about almost anything..
Until football season starts!

Then they act stupid! Can you help us please?

Mindy - Biloxi, Mississippi
A: Mindy…these are people that believe “Professional Wrestling” is Real and the Moon landing is a fake….Go figure.

 

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN “Testimonials”

EDITORS NOTE: These are “real” testimonials to the Greatness of all that is the University of Southern California Trojans Football…..
Enjoy….

“Mark Sanchez saved me a ton of money on my car insurance!”

- Dr. Mike Rotchburns

“The Southern California Trojans Cured my Polio!”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

“Since I placed my hands under the University of Southern California Trojan center last week; I no longer want to molest little boys…Thank you USC Trojans!”

- Michael Jackson

“It is a scientific fact: Hurricanes DO NOT hit the west coast out of fear for the Southern California Trojans!”

- Jim Cantore “The Weather Channel”

“What was I thinking? Scientology is for wusseys! I believe in the power of the Trojans!”

- Tom Cruise

 

THE GAMES

Saturday September 20th

EDITORS NOTE: I have been accused in the past of being “insensitive” and “uncultured”….
I hope to correct this unfair description of myself this week….
By Picking Your College Football Games through the “magic” of Interpretive Dance…

Enjoy!

 

Troy at Ohio State
I am doing the “River Dance” right now and thinking….
THE MIGHTY BUCKEYES 34-10

EDITORS NOTE: Get it..”Stomping”?
I think I pulled something…

East Carolina at North Carolina State
If I was the Coach for the Wolfpack I would be doing the “Running Man”….
PIRATES 23-17

Temple at Penn State
I am a little afraid to discuss dancing here: I don’t want Jo Pa to break a hip…
JO PA’S LIONS 44-13

Mississippi State at Georgia Tech
Somebody call the Bee Gees!
The Bulldogs….are Staying Alive…
BULLDOGS 23-20

EDITORS NOTE: I can’t believe I had to resort to a Disco reference already…
I might have really pulled something……my leg is on fire.

Ohio at Northwestern
Seriously…My leg is burning like hell itself.
WILDCATS 27-14

Florida Atlantic at Minnesota
Just thinking about Gophers Dancing…
Makes me laugh…
O SOooo GOLDEN GOPHERS 33-17

Iowa at Pittsburg
Honestly? I am still laughing about the Dancing Gophers….
Yes..I am that easily amused.
EYES of the HAWK 27-14

Central Michigan at Purdue
Seriously…
I have to stop laughing over the dancing Gophers…
I almost made myself throw-up…..
BOILERMAKERS 28-24

Alabama at Arkansas
This ain’t no Party….
This ain’t no Disco…
This ain’t no fooling around…
CRIMSON TIDE 33-24

Central Florida at Boston College
If yankees dance or enjoy themselves in any way…
I am blissfully unaware…
EAGLES 27-14

Eastern Michigan at Maryland
“See the above Pick for discription”
FIGHTN TURTLES 24-20

South Carolina State at Clemson
In case you didn’t know…
South Carolina is known for the “Shag”…
There isn’t anything I don’t like about that…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 38-10

Miami (FL) at Texas A&M
I cannot believe I am doing the Texas Two Step on this one…
HURRICANES 23-17

Buffalo at Missouri
Is there a dance called the “Buffalo Beat-Down’?
Well…….There should be
MO’S TIGERS 49-10

Wyoming at Brigham Young
I don’t think Mormons are allowed to dance…
Are they?
Never Mind….I just remembered “Donny and Marie”…
COUGARS 33-14

 
Arizona at UCLA
This is going to be really…really…
UGLY….
BRUINS 17-14

Florida at Tennessee
Speaking of “Ugly”….
Do you know the Number One Pick Up Line in OBKnoxville on Saturday Night?
“Hey….Nice Tooth”
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17

Boise State at Oregon
Call me crazy….
My psychiatrists did….
BRONCOS 31-28

Houston at Colorado State
In case you were wondering…
I can no longer “Dance Out” this weeks picks…
Pulled something in my leg..
After all, who do you think I am …
Deney Terrio?
COUGARS 34-31

Notre Dame at Michigan State
Damn you Adrian Zmed and your high power dancing….
FIGHTING IRISH 28-24

Virginia Tech at North Carolina
When I was in school I was really good at the “Hokey-Pokey”…
I didn’t even know It was a dance until I was caught by the principal….
Forget I mentioned it…
TAR HEELS 23-17

Rutgers at Navy
Sailors dancing in those white Cracker Jack Uniforms reminds me of that one guy in “The Villiage People”
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 24-17

Marshall at Southern Miss
This game may decide the Conference USA Champion….
It will be close….
REAL close…
GOLDEN EAGLE 23-21

Utah at Air Force
Normally I wouldn’t pick against the Mighty Falcons…
But these Utes are something else…
TWO UTES 31-28

South Florida at Florida International
Why do these people from Florida think they are all “International”?
What makes them so “International”?
Do they eat with their feet?
BULLS 27-14

Rice at Texas
I believe the words in the song…..
“The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You”
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-14

Menlo at Occidental
I am not quite sure why this is in here….
It sounds like a disease and a Health Insurance Company…

Massachusetts at Texas Tech
This will be SOOoooooo close…
NOT…
RED RAIDERS GET THOSE GUNS UP! 38-17

Sam Houston State at Kansas
I always admired Sam Houston…
But he is outgunned in this one…
JAY’S HAWKS 43-10

Wake Forest at Florida State
The Demon Deacons will keep this one closer than you think….
But on the up side…
Coach Bobby is telling everyone he has tickets to the “next” Elvis Concert…
SEMINOLES 28-17

Ball State at Indiana
I have a meeting of the International Sea Monkey Society…
Or I would soooo be watching this one…
HOMERS 31-28

Muskingum College at Otterbein College
This sounds like a game between two lung infections…

Vanderbilt at Ole Miss
Will the Commodores be 4 and 0 after this week?
Yes….I believe they will be.
COMMODORES 27-23

New Mexico at Tulsa
I wish I cared…But I am tired from the “magic” of Interpretive Dance…
Plus my ankle hurts…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 33-28

Wofford at South Carolina
I believe if Chewbacca had a College…
It would be Wofford…
OR if Chewbacca had a pesky cough..
It would be Wofford…
I have to stop…
GAMECOCKS 38-10

LSU at Auburn
I could easly pick the winner of this game as the “Tigers”
But that isn’t why you read my column…
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 17-15

Georgia at Arizona State
It’s about time people out west learn that all important phrase…
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!
DAWGS 24-17

Texas Christian at Southern Methodist
The Mighty Mustangs will keep this closer than you might think..
For a while….
HORNED FROGS 24-14

Fresno State at Toledo
I have the International Sea Monkey Society Meeting “After Party” or I would watch this one….
I promise…
BULLDOGS 34-17

Juniata at Ursinus
I tried to say these two teams “out loud” really fast and I spit all over myself….

San Jose State at Stanford
My Lord….I can’t believe I am doing this….
CARDINAL 6-3

Iowa State at UNLV
As a Side Note: Always “Warm up” before you start dancing and typing…
CYCLONES 23-21

New Mexico State at UTEP
If the knuckleheads in Aggieland Bring back “Pistol Pete” I will not publish naked pictures of “key” members of the administration with farm animals…

That is my promise to you….
AGGIES 24-20

 
Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Much like last week, your Weekly College Football Picks will be in two installments with the “early” games being presented during the middle of the week and the Saturday Games coming your way on Friday evening.

You wonder why I was bragging last week with picking a blistering 91% of the games?

Easy….
Because, last week I finished at 37 and 8 or 82%.
But along with the drop in my weekly percentage, I ALSO Picked UCLA over BYU…

And of course…
UCLA Lost by the biggest margin since 1929….
Since 1929?

Yes…”that” 1929.
The same year that Bobby Bowden graduated College….

Anyway..That leaves us at 142 and 24 for the season or a rather impressive 86% (All things considered)

Be sure and check back on Friday…
We have the Florida - Tennessee Game…
Georgia and Arizona State…
Alabama and Arkansas and others…

See you all on Friday….

Enjoy your Picks!

 

THE GAMES

Wednesday September 17th

Kansas State at Louisville
The Once Mighty Cardinals have already been beaten once this year by some Wildcats…
Make it twice…
WILDCATS 33-17

Thursday September 18th

West Virginia at Colorado
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s right I said it……
BUFFALOS 28-24

EDITORS NOTE: I want to assure my beloved readers that I am not picking the Colorado Buffalos because my sister-in-law will be leading the team onto the field to start the game.

We are however glad she has a “Job”…Even if it’s seasonal.

Friday September 19th

Baylor at Connecticut
UPSET SPECIAL PART II !!!!!!!!!!!!
Before you ask….
NO I am Not DRINKING!
BEARS 23-17

Stay Tuned…More this Friday

RTR
MEB