Ladies and Gentlemen –
We have waited for this all season…..
It’s time to determine a Champion.
Tighten those chin straps.
It all comes down to one game.
I can’t think of anyone more qualified to discuss last week’s Bowl games and Playoff’s than my good friend from Birmingham Alabama.
Mr. Jermaine “Funnymaine” Johnson
EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Hey Mister Wizard!
The folks I work with here are wondering if Our Favorite College Football Prognosticator made any New Years Resolutions this year!
Enquiring minds want to know!
We Love You in Mississippi!
Tameka and the girls at Great Southern Industries – Jackson, Mississippi
A: Thank you ladies for the wonderful email, I truly appreciate it.
Indeed I did make yet another “short series” of New Years Resolutions, because I believe in making goals and dreams for the coming year attainable and something to work towards.
In no particular order The CFB Wizard’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2017;
1. I will not drink beer with nor wrestle a Polar Bear this coming year; and as a side note this “rule” also applies to engaging Wynonna Judd in a white fur coat.
2. This year I will no longer attempt to strain fermented apple sauce through an old pair of my underwear in an effort to make homemade wine.
EDITORS NOTE: Don’t you dare judge me, although not particularly tasty, it did have a nice “Tide” aftertaste.
3. My Black Lab “Doc” and I will no longer play “Twister” on Tuesdays, that event has been moved to Thursdays this year with our weekly game of “Battleship” being played on Monday nights. It’s important to mix things up in the new year..
4. Although banned from the local gourmet cheese shop I vow this year to go there anyway and continue to ask “Whose job is it in here to cut the cheese?”
EDITORS NOTE: That’s just funny, I don’t care who you are
5. I truly want my upcoming book “Sunnyside Up” to take off this year if for no other reason that yours truly can be interviewed by Oprah Winfrey and during the interview I can constantly refer to her as “Okra” in an effort to see if I can make her head pop off her shoulders.
6. This year I vow to do my part fighting Islamic Terrorism by eating more pork products, to include but not limited to eating Golden Flake Pork Rinds, and smoked pork barbeque from DreamLand.
7. Last but certainly not least, I hope to have less conversations with gibbering idiots and limit my exposure to people that are emotional tampons in the coming year.
Happy New Years Ladies!
Q: Dear CFB Wizard Man!
So did you have a big New Years Celebration at the RTR Farm this year?
I bet you Rock and Rolled All Night!
Barbara – Ford City, Alabama
A: That you for the sweet email Barbara
Actually, in regards to your reference to the KISS classic song “Rock and Roll All Night”
I now only “Rock and Roll” on Monday and Tuesday’s until eight in the evening and I no longer “Party Every Day” as the song insists, I only do that on Thursday’s, Friday’s and College Football Saturday’s until ten in the evening, unless Alabama has a late game.
Q: Hey Mister CFB Wizard!
I need some help with a real problem that’s come up after New Years.
You seem to know a lot about the world and I have a serious question.
So here goes, my girlfriend has been acting distant this week and I am starting to get concerned she will break up with me after the party we went to on New Years.
It cost me a bundle to go to New York City to see the Ball drop, you know what I mean?
Is there any sure fire sign that she may actually break up with me?
Thanks man, I really appreciate it
Troy – New Orleans, Louisiana
A: Well Troy what I know about women can be put on the head of a pin with room left over to hold a Mexican Mariachi Band, an accordion playing Sock Monkey and an aquarium of Sea Monkeys.
In fact my upcoming book “Sunnyside Up” will have an entire chapter dedicated on all that I don’t “know” about women, along with other insightful stories and humor.
This wonderful collection of stories and antidotes will be available for a reasonable price on Amazon, Kindle Books, E Books and at your local book store in late January 2017.
EDITORS NOTE: In case you were wondering; Yes, that was a shameless plug
However to answer your question Troy, with my rather limited knowledge of women it has been my experience, that once the numbers are worn down on your credit card where you can’t read them anymore and the metallic chip on the top of the card looks like Dale Earnhardt Jr has done a victory burn out on it, then you can expect the “bad news” pretty much any day now. Sorry….
Q: Dear Sir –
I am so distraught over my beloved Buckeyes taking a shellacking on New Years Eve, I can barely think straight! I have been worried like the dickens that Coach Myer would have another heart attack or something, and leave the Ohio State to be with his family like he did at Florida after Alabama spanked him like a screaming four year old in Wal Mart.
So my question is this, will Coach Myer stay and will the Buckeyes return to the college football playoffs next year?
Dick Bacon – Columbus, Ohio
A: Seriously, YOUR Name is “Dick Bacon”?
I’m very sorry that I can’t answer your question….
I think I may have laughed so hard I peed on myself.
Q: Dear Mr. CFB Wizard
Sir, in the coming year would you please consider laying off Wynonna Judd?
Lucy Johnson, President of the International Wynonna Judd Fan Club
A: How dare you Miss Johnson!
With all due respect Miss Johnson I have NEVER laid on her EVER!
Your suggestion is so ridiculous, reckless and dangerous it defies logic!
Just last week, Wynonna was sun bathing in Miami and she flipped over and crushed a school bus.
THE CHAMPIONSHIP PICKS
Saturday, 7 January
James Madison and Youngstown State
In the immortal words of the Greatest Professional Wrestler that ever lived….
“Nature Boy Rick Flair”
“To be the MAN, you have to beat the MAN”
The Boys from James Madison beat the MAN in Five Time Champion North Dakota State in Fargo North Dakota a few weeks ago and that my friends is enough for me.
JIMMY MADISON 38-28
Monday, 9 January
Alabama and Clemson
Let me start out by simply saying this….
I dearly love all my beloved beautiful adopted Clemson family….
Ben and Margaret and Brad and Christie all your beautiful children and family.
I miss you all, every day.
This “Pick” isn’t personal, it’s just business.
It’s going to be close, real close and it could easily go either way.
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24
Providing of course I don’t require a liver transplant from my local Wal-Mart after Monday night’s game, there will be a Championship wrap-up article next week and some news on the release of my upcoming book “Sunnyside Up”.
As you might imagine, this wonderful collection of stories and antidotes will be available for a reasonable price on Amazon, Kindle Books, E Books and at your local book store in late January 2017.
EDITORS NOTE: “Yes”, that was another shameless plug
One More Thing…..
I want to take a brief moment to Thank you all once again for reading both The CFB Wizard and Mikerights.com this past year.
It wasn’t always Easy
But it sure was Fun.
Thank you all and God Bless You.
THE CFB WIZARD