Ladies and Gentlemen –
The long awaited kickoff of the 2016 College Football Season is here….
Granted its only one game…
But that “ONE” game this weekend involves a Dynasty in College Football
The FIVE Time (In a Row) National Champions North Dakota State Mighty Bison
And as you might imagine…
Your favorite College Football Prognosticator has got your pick
You are Welcome America
Enjoy…
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
MICHIGAN: As you all may know by now Coach Jim Harbaugh of the Michigan Wolverines has been conducting “summer camps” in the Deep South for possible recruits for his team and recently he announced he was having “Sleep Over’s” at his house to lure recruits.
EDITORS NOTE: Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently Coach Jim was unaware of “how” that whole “sleep over” thingy worked out at Penn State.
But with that being said….
I have to say this…
Okay, the sleepovers are one thing….
But, this is going a little bit too far….
“Hey guys who wants a Wedgie!”
TENNESSEE: The “fad” on the University of Tennessee campus known affectionately as…….“Butt Chugging”
EDITORS NOTE: In case you are blissfully unaware….
“Butt Chugging” involves ingesting alcohol through your butt (Yes I said that correctly) with the use of a funnel and a hose. (Yes, you read that correctly)
EDITORS NOTE II: Call me old fashioned, but I like to taste what I am drinking.
This trend appears to have enjoyed resurgence, so to speak as the most popular T-shirt on Beacon Hill this year says it all quite simply…
FLORIDA STATE: Newly single Coach Jimbo Fisher of the Seminoles has taken his endorsements to another level this college football season when he endorses….
Wait for it….
The Hair Club for Men
Before….
After….
EDITORS NOTE: That’s a sexy beast right there….
OHIO STATE: O-I-H-O????
This is as bad as the idiots that tried to spell ABUURN in the stands
INDIANA: Never mind….
There is no real Hoosier news to report, unless…
“They still suck” is news which it isn’t
AUBURN: Believe it or not….
I get literally hundreds of emails every week asking me
“Will Auburn will the National Championship this year?”
They say a picture is worth a thousand words….
So here you go…
NOTRE DAME: In the words of that beloved Fighting Irish Head Coach….
Coach Brian Kelly when he said recently….
“Damn It guys. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times….
LEAVE YOUR GUNS IN THE DAMN LOCKER ROOM!!!”
EDITORS NOTE: Wise words Coach…
KENTUCKY:
EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
Q: Dear Sir
My name is Randy Driggers and I’m from Atmore Alabama an I just want you ta know that I hate Albama n I love Aubun an thas jus how it is.
But I just dont no how much more agervatin I kin take from thos dang bamer fans. See they got em a bunch a natinal champinships an we only gota couple and it makes me mad. and ta make it more agavatin I think they done won about 7 more this year!!!
See I done turned on the ESPM channel and seems like ever time I do they’s playin for anuther natchinal champship. Only thang I don’t unnerstand is why they keep playin those Climpson boys caws I didnt think they was that good a team when they played back in Janerary.
So I giss I’m gone hafta lissen to them dang Bamers hoot and crow about all these Nashunal Chamionships they won some more. Do you thank that Albern will win us one a them trofies this year Mr Wizard?
Randy Driggers, Atmore Albamer
A: Say, aren’t you the same guy that wrote me that you were graduating from Auburn two years a go with a degree in “Educatshun”?
War Eagle…
Q: My Fellow SEC Football Enthusiast, Mr Wizard
As you know I sent out a letter to our LSU fan faithful reminding them of the “Geaux Clear” initiative we are implementing at all LSU home games.
We here in the athletic department would also like to emphasize another aspect of this policy. As part of this “Geaux Clear” initiative we are further directing that all fans should only consume clear alcohol products.
This is more of a hygiene concern than anything else.
We have all seen the results of overzealous fans consuming to many tailgate toddies, so to speak. One of the results of this overconsumption is often a regurgitation of the contents of said fans’ stomach. Well, cleaning these messes up inside the stadium can often be a tedious task when said fan has partaken of things like Cherry Vodka, Bourbon and Coke, or other such drinks whose contents make said expulsions resemble a putrid rainbow of colors.
These stains are often seen for weeks on the walkways of the stadium and it’s embarrassing. Therefore we urge all fans to contribute to the overall neat, clean, and kempt appearance of Death Valley by partaking in clear alcohol products such as Vodka, Gin, or that old favorite Everclear Grain Alcohol.
I’m sure that with everyone cooperating we can all enjoy a fun filled, exciting, and CLEAN game atmosphere here in Baton Rouge.
Joe Alleva
LSU Vice Chancellor and Director of Athletics
A: You have to love any school that has an alcohol policy that involves choices for inebriation. GEAUX TIGERS….
Q: Mr. So-Called College Football “Wizard”
Numerous articles have been pointed out to me that you have penned over the years and I have to say that you always seem to portray the great state of Michigan, the University of Michigan, and myself in a negative light.
I just have to say this, my unintelligent friend. Tread lightly.
Do you know who I am? Do you know what I’m capable of?
Well, in case you didn’t know it, I’m a Twitter Troll extraordinaire.
You dare to insult me? I’ll Twitter your ass off!!!!!!!
You want to make disparaging remarks about Michigan?
I’ve got quips that’ll make you quiver.
You want to hurl an insult at Michigan?
It may be your last because when I sit down behind that computer screen I’m the meanest, baddest kid on the block. Why do you think Saban gave up on the satellite camp thing?
The Twitter Troll King, that’s why. So just watch yourself, little man.
Want to do battle man to man? Then turn on your little netbook and suffer the consequences. Oh, and if you do want to do that we’ll have to do it after nine when my mom goes to bed.
Jim Harbaugh
Head Coach
University of Michigan
A: I’m not going to lie…
I peed a little on myself when I read that letter.
Q: Dear College Pickin Fella,
I wanchu ta no that im in a state a beleegered mornin this morning cause are coach mr hu Freeze don gon an died. Yessir, I heard on tha radidio that he had a funeral at the school an everthang and it’s just got me all stoved up sa bad I caint hardly even eat ma brekfist.
Mister Coollege fella I’ll tell ya, I got tha nervus stumick so bad I done gone and sat on tha crapper 3 times this mornin. But lemme tellya sumpin. I know what happind. Its them dam NCAAP fellas they got down here snoopin around are football team and stuff.
I’ll just bet are coach Mister Hu Freize just went an had hisself a hart attack cause he nose that are hole team is bein persecuted.
I mean he dONT no everthang a youngun is gonna go off an do an he shur as heck caint tell them boostered people how ta spend thayr monies!!! He aint a dam mine redder!!! So say a prayer for all us Old Miss fans here in MisTassipi and HODDIE TOADY!!!
Eugene Betterman Loudermaker
Natchez Missasipee
A: Hey Uncle Remus, how about hitting “spell check” before you hit “send” next time
THE GAME
Saturday 27 August 25, 2016
Charleston Southern at North Dakota State
Both teams are excepted to vie for the Division IAA Title this year…
I can’t think of a better way to open the 2016 College Football Season
Than in the loudest domed stadium in the United States
“The Fargo Dome”
MIGHTY BISON 34-31
Next week….
Your full compliment of College Football Picks will be out next week….
There will be a few surprises next week as well
So stay tuned
One More Thing….
You have a “New” article on Mikerights.com today too…
I hope you read it…
I hope it makes you think
I hope it strikes something deep inside you
More Later
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD