Ladies and Gentlemen –
The news around the college football world this week was more shocking to me than the time I accidently peed on an electric fence. But to be perfectly honest about that particular “event” I had no idea that I could do a kabuki dance with such elegance, style and grace while speaking in tongues.
We have got a lot to discuss, so let’s get to it
Weekend Rewind…..
Well it would appear I became a bit “full of myself” after picking the Week 5 upsets….
EDITORS NOTE: If I wasn’t full of “myself” I was sure full of something anyway…
I might have been overwhelmed with your unbridled adulation or maybe I had patted myself on the back so hard that I sprained my elbow, but whatever the cause Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator last week was 53 and 11 or 83%.
Leaving The CFB Wizard thus far in the season at 355 and 65 or 85%
To be perfectly honest, I think the real cause of my substandard performance last week was due to at least one of those sponsors I plugged.
I am still having nightmares over that damn “Mr. T Sock Monkey”
SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS
Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!
It was a slow weekend for football down here in Telfair County, as the Gladiators of South Third took a well deserved rest after the first 6 games of the season. We’re sitting at 3 wins and 3 losses overall, 1-2 in the conference. We’ve had some pretty good wins and a couple of tough losses, but that won’t deter Coach Matt Burleson as he aims to elevated this program to new heights.
Next up for the Trojans is a visit to Pearson, Ga for a date with the Rebs of Atkinson County for another big Region 2A matchup. Let’s load up the cars and have a good turnout and show our boys a ton of support!!!
The possibility of a gloomy season dawned upon the Clark County Canines on Saturday as the visiting Pups fell to the Orange Clad Hill Denizens of Knoxville. On the first play from scrimmage, Nick Chubb was lost due to a horrific knee injury. I can’t exactly figure out what happened after that, as the Dawgs went up and had a 24-3 lead late in the first half, but then the Rocky Toppers found their footing and erased the deficit to come away with a 38-31 victory. Somebody has to pick up the team and carry them the rest of the way. Lambert? Michel? Marshall? Who’s going to do the heavy lifting?
The North Avenue Trade School picked up their Computers and headed to the Upstate of South Carolina to tangle with Dabo’s Cats in a game that has given the Tigers fits over the last few seasons. On this day, however, with the Felines sniffing at a Conference Championship, and who knows what else, the Bees were overwhelmed by a 43-24 tally. The offense is somewhat offensive and the defense is not defending as the season seems to be Wrecked with a 4 game losing streak and going 0-3 in conference play. Coach Johnson needs to find some answers quick as the rest of the season looks overwhelming to this underwhelming bunch of Bees.
And in Statesboro, the Blue Birds of the ‘Boro took a weekend off as they prepare themselves for the second half of conference play in their second season in the Sun Belt. This Feathered Flock appear poised to make a run at their first “official” conference title, after going undefeated in conference play last year but being ineligible to take the title because it was their first year in the FBS. The Eagles welcome the Agriculturalists of New Mexico State to the Prettiest Little Stadium in America for a Homecoming Date in an affair in which the prom kings hope leave the visitors heartbroken.
Things I think
I had all these things that I was thinking, and then on Monday evening Coach Steve Spurrier changed the ball game. As I’m sure you’ve all heard, the Head Ball Coach decided to step down.
Spurrier has been a character that I’ve loved to hate over the years.
He tormented my Dawgs while he was in Athens and he continued that tradition in Columbia. But, despite that, I’ve developed a healthy, hateful, respect for the man.
I know you’ve all read the tributes in the newspapers. I know you’ve all seen the tributes on Sports Center and the SEC Network. But, the Head Ball Coach will not be around anymore and that day marks an end of an era in College Football. I’ve known lots of people in and around the state of Georgia and one of the things that have stood out to me is that I’ve always been attracted to the “characters” that I’ve run into and been privileged to meet.
Those quirky and unique people that you always remember.
Coach Spurrier is one of those characters of college football that will probably never be seen again. Coaches today are just not that loose. They just don’t want to give out those locker room quotes that they fear will motivate a team to rise up against them.
They’re timid.
Spurrier said things about opposing teams that we rib fans about on a day to day basis.
But when he said them they made the headlines.
He understood the fan base.
He was a step ahead of his time when he burst upon the scene.
He was and is a legend.
So, I’ve just got this to say. Coach. I loved to hate you. But, I’ll miss you.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth
A (sort of…) BRIEF COMMENTARY by THE CFB WIZARD
A TALE OF TWO “C’s”
This past week both USC’s lost their “Steve’s”
The University of South Carolina and the University of Southern California
One is a legendary Coach who decided to retire his famous visor and ride off into the sunset
The other, a drunken idiot who threw away a five million dollar a year job and the rest of his career
One will always be a legend, and will never be forgotten.
The other will be remembered for a sad end to a promising career and blowing a chance of a lifetime
Memories of one will bring a smile to your face because of his witty remarks regardless of what side of you were on….
The other Steve will just make you shake your head and wonder “how it could have happened”
The lesson to be learned here
Life is what you make it
You can be remembered for something positive or for something negative
It’s your choice
But don’t say you will do it tomorrow or next week
You may not have another “game” on your schedule
You know what I mean?
Life is short
TOLD YOU SO……..
More times than I can count I have been accused of being “overly sensitive” when It comes to “My South” and in all things Southern
(Which I happen to be an expert in by the way)
I have pointed out inconsistencies in the way we Southerners are viewed, treated and stereotyped.
Much to the consternation of some my northern readers
Some have even gone as far as to call me “prejudiced”
In that regard they would be correct, because I am prejudiced against people that stereotype my beloved South. But the fact remains that “we” in the South have always been treated different and held to a different standard if you will by people from “up north”.
Let me be more specific in regards to college football
The “mighty” Ohio State Buckeyes haven’t played a single ranked team all season
Not one
Most if not all of their games have been close, some have been really (really) close
Have the Buckeyes dropped from the “Top Spot “in the Polls?
No, of course not
On the other hand the University of Alabama had a tight game with Arkansas and…
They dropped three spots in the polls
Not that it matters to me mind you; it’s where you finish that really counts
I just thought I would point out the obvious yet again
Why? Because I told you so
TEXAS
The iconic mascot of the Longhorns, BEVO (XIV) didn’t make the trip last week to the Cotton Bowl to see the University of Texas upset the mighty Sooners of Oklahoma because he was diagnosed with cancer.
This week BEVO (XIV) was officially retired due to his cancer and his subsequent upcoming cancer treatment
We wish him well
EDITORS NOTE: I feel you big guy, I feel you
OLE MISS
Dear Ole Miss Fans….
You are probably wondering why so many people simply don’t like you or your team
It’s not your ridiculous foam rubber black bear rebel mascot, which makes us all laugh.
(By the way we aren’t laughing “with you” we are laughing “at” you)
Then there is the whole “Sand Shark” moniker which is even more confusing, but equally as amusing.
No it’s none of those, it’s your attitude.
The perfect example of that “attitude” can be found in none other than the woman who was made famous from the movie “The Blindside”, Lou Ann Poovie or whatever her name is…
She has tweeted and derided Kirk Herbstreit of ESPN for not giving the foam rubber black bear rebels enough “respect” during their game with Alabama some weeks ago.
She even launched personal attacks on Kirk and the announcers of the game and refuses to give it up.
Let me some up her general attitude and the attitude of most Ole Miss fans
“You don’t know how to win and you don’t know how to lose”
So stop being a bunch of turd stir sticks and let it go
Sincerely
The CFB Wizard
BAYLOR
I receive a lot of email from Wacko Texas, I’m sorry I meant “Waco”. That wasn’t meant as some slight, and I am sure that wasn’t some Freudian slip on my part, it was a just a simple mistake that’s all honest.
But I want to address the hateful email I have been getting by numerous Baylor fans claiming I haven’t been giving them “any respect”. And you know what, they are right, I haven’t and I will tell you why.
It’s because of Walker Texas Ranger. (Yes, you read that correctly the first time)
But to be more specific, Chuck Norris as “Walker Texas Ranger”
You might be thinking, “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
Don’t get your butt-less chaps in a wad Baylor fans and I will tell you
Because on Walker Texas Ranger (Chuck Norris) never (ever) beat the living hell out of some wimpy person who was smaller than him. NO never! Because that’s not how it’s done in Texas and nobody (no-body) respects somebody (or some team) that lines a bunch of cupcakes up and stomps the cream filling out of them and then runs around yelling “We are Number Uno!”
So Baylor Bears, play some tough out of conference foe(s) and I will give you the respect you so richly crave, but until then; Not so much
But this segment does remind me that it’s been a while since I presented “Chuck Norris Facts”
Time to remedy that wrong, Sorry Chuck
EDITORS NOTE: OHIO STATE
(PLEASE SEE the above and substitute buckeyes for bears)
THE GAMES
Tuesday, October 13
Arkansas State at South Alabama
Call this one “Prognosticator’s Intuition”
RED WOLVES 49-31
Thursday, October 15
Auburn at Kentucky
Just for the record…..
I am not entirely confident in this pick
WAR DAMN EAGLE 24-21
Western Kentucky at North Texas
I do love the beautiful town of Denton Texas….
But this is business
(Sorry)
HILLTOPPERS 38-21
Glenville State at Alderson-Broaddus
I am telling you the truth..
The name of this college is “supposed” to be “Alderson – Broad-Ass”
(I am almost 49% sure that I am right on this one)
BROAD-ASSES 28-24
UCLA at Stanford
This state rivalry in the state of “Everything is Weird” is called…
“The Zima Drinking – Rainbow Flag Waving – Diversity Loving – Wildfire Hating – Dreadlock wearing – Gridlock Traffic Waiting Game”
(You can understand why there isn’t any trophy for this game, it would be too confusing)
CARDINAL 33-28
Friday, October 16
Cincinnati at Brigham Young
No “last minute” comebacks for Coach Tommy and the Boy’s from Chili-town this week
COUGARS 34-24
Boise State at Utah State
Lets just call this what “it is” shall we?
A damn Bronco Ass Whipping..
BRONCO’S 38-14
Houston at Tulane
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives (Just so you know)
(That street “was” in Texas, just so you know)
COUGARS 41-14
UNLV at Fresno State
My Black Lab “Doc” insisted on this pick…..
BULLDOGS 44-21
EDITORS NOTE: Why did I just give “Doc” a treat for making that pick?
Saturday, October 17
Central Florida at Temple
Much like you I don’t give a hoot about this game either…
OWLS 34-31
Mississippi College at Valdosta State
Last week Valdosta went down in a blaze of “not so glory”…
Not so this week
BLAZZZZZZERS 33-17
Carleton at St. Olaf College
I really didn’t want to start the picks with the “best” rivalry game of the week.
But (Like you) my excitement for this game was almost too much to contain!!
Yes my friends, it’s time for the “Cereal Bowl” which is played for the coveted…
(Wait for it)
“Goat Trophy”!!!!!!!
(“Yes” I am serious)
And this year, the “Goat goes too….”
CARL 28-24
Oregon State at Washington State
I think it’s important to note…
That despite making this pick I still believe in the power of the beaver
(I’m just saying…)
COUGARS 34-17
Texas Tech at Kansas
If this game was a movie…
It would be “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS! 55-10
South Dakota at North Dakota State
Even thought this game is in the beautiful Fargo Dome….
It’s going to be close my Bison faithful, very close
MIGHTY BISON 33-28
Montana State at Portland State
If this game was being played in Big Sky Country I don’t think it would be this close..
It isn’t so it is….
(I just confused myself there for a minute)
BOB’S CATS 34-31
Arizona at Colorado
I want to clear up something that is circulating the internet….
There is NO truth to the rumor…
That Colorado, Kansas, UNLV, Purdue, Massachusetts and Army will be forming their own football conference next year……
Calling it the “We Suck Conference”
(It’s not a bad idea, but it simply isn’t true)
ROD’S CATS 44-21
Ole Miss at Memphis
I finally got it….
The Foam Rubber Rebel Black Bear is a Rebel….
Because he refuses to play any team worth a crap “out of conference”
(Mystery Solved…)
FOAM RUBBER REBEL BLACK BEARS 33-17
Louisiana Tech at Mississippi State
DAWGS and DAWGS
(Just like the way my two four legged kids like it)
BULLY DOGS 34-20
Louisville at Florida State
Doctor Joe, this “Upset Special” is for you….
BOBBY’S BIRDS 33-31
Jacksonville State at Tennessee Tech
Most people are unaware….
That Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies as….”The Force”
GAMECOCKS 41-21
North Dakota at Weber State
I think the Boy’s from the Grill and Smoker Academy……..
Will get smoked to a crisp in this one..
FIGHTING SIOUX 31-14
Bucknell at Army
Chuck Norris is the “real” army of “ONE….”
So we don’t care about this game
West Virginia at Baylor
I so wish I could I could call for an “Upset” in this game….
But I can’t
DA BEARS 51-41
Iowa at Northwestern
This Old Big Ten (isn’t sixteen?) rivalry….
Is played for the highly coveted…
“Golden Poop Slinging Lemur Monkey”
I have heard that crazy thing can hit you from twenty yards away…
(I kind of wish I had one of those crazy things)
CHI-TOWN CATS 24-21
Purdue at Wisconsin
YES! Another Big Ten (What’s the number now?) Conference Rivalry!
This one is played for the “Purdue Sphincter Cannon”!
I think it’s called that because…
Purdue manages to blow it out their collective butts each and every week
CHEESE MEN 38-14
Marshall at Florida Atlantic
Of course Florida is “on” the Atlantic, it’s also on the Gulf of Mexico
What’s their damn point?
WE ARE MARSHALL 38-17
South Florida at Connecticut
You probably already guessed…
And you are right; I really don’t care
HUSKIES 24-21
Newberry at Carson-Newman
I wish the Eagles were playing Mayberry…
I would like to see Otis Campbell as a referee
(But sometimes I wish for too much)
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-21
Ouachita Baptist at Southern Arkansas
There are a lot of creeks, streams and rivers in Southern Arkansas..
Sounds like it’s time for a Baptism to me…
GOTCHA BAPTIST 31-24
Henderson State at Arkansas-Monticello
It’s not that I have lost faith in Bo…
It’s that I have lost faith in the Bo Weevils
(There IS a difference)
REDDIES 28-13
Western Michigan at Ohio
This game smells like a shootout to me…
I don’t know if I am smelling a shootout or “Doc” broke wind
(It may be the later, he ate part of a squirrel earlier)
FRANK’S CATS 41-34
Eastern Michigan at Toledo
Just so you know…
I have always been a big fan of NASA….
RICKEY ROCKETS 34-17
Pittsburgh at Georgia Tech
This is one is a toss-up or throw-up…
(Depending upon your perspective)
PANTHERS 33-31
Air Force at Colorado State
Little known Fact….
Chuck Norris invented the term “Air Force”….
That’s the name of a roundhouse kick coming at you at Mach 5
FALCONS 31-24
Idaho at Troy
Despite the fact these two teams are both as pitiful as a zit on a pretty girl
I am going with my boys from South Alabama
THE MEN OF TROY 28-24
Virginia Tech at Miami (FL)
Let’s see what do we have here….
Turkeys that are cooked and a Hurricane that can’t generate enough wind to qualify as a decent popcorn fart (And “yes” that was me in the movie theater last week)
HURRICANES 24-21
Alabama at Texas A&M
This game will not be for the weak of heart….
CRIMSON TIDE 34-31
Syracuse at Virginia
Since Alabama and A&M are playing at the same time….
It’s time for another CNF (Chuck Norris fact)
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs. Chuck Norris
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction because no one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
URANGE 10-7
Oklahoma at Kansas State
There are few things meaner than when an Okie gets their back up….
That applies to football too
BOOMER DAMN SOONERS 31-17
Rutgers at Indiana
This incredible Big Ten (Or whatever the number is currently) rivalry is played for…
The coveted Moral Victory Bell and Trophies (for everybody….)
Doesn’t that make you feel better just reading that?
(Yeah it didn’t do anything for me either..)
HOOSIER DADDY 34-14
West Georgia at Delta State
I am not afraid of too many things….
But I do…
FEAR THE OKRA 34-31
UNC Pembroke at North Alabama
Isn’t “Pembroke” the same folks that make that summer sausage during Thanksgiving?
I bet those kids smell funky as hell….
MIGHTY FLORENCE LIONS 41-21
Michigan State at Michigan
This old instate rivalry is played for the Paul Bunyan Trophy…
I am calling “Upset Special” here
WOLVERINES 34-31
Nebraska at Minnesota
I am sure this “Big Ten” rivalry is played for something or another…
But did you know…
That some magicians can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land
O’ SO very GOLDEN GOPHERS 28-24
Vanderbilt at South Carolina
This one is for the Ole Ball Coach….
GAMECOCKS 24-17
New Mexico State at Georgia Southern
What song is it you want to hear?
Free Bird…
SOUTHERN EAGLES 44-14
Florida at LSU
This one is going to be a tussle….
Believe it
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 34-21
Wake Forest at North Carolina
You know what’s coming right?
That’s right, another CNF….
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass – at night…
TAR HEELS 24-17
Boston College at Clemson
This one is for my wonderful Clemson Tiger neighbors…
I miss you all
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17
Texas Christian at Iowa State
Just another “tough” conference game for the Big 12…
(Yawn….)
HORNED FROGS 41-24
Texas San Antonio at Southern Mississippi
This one will be over in Hattiesburg before you turn the ribs that are smoking on the grill
Believe it….
GOLDEN EAGLES 38-10
SUNY Maritime at Norwich
I am confused…
I thought the product was called “Sunny Delight”
Does SUNY (misspelled by the way) “Maritime” mean that it can only be drank on a boat, seriously?
(That’s just dumb as hell)
CADETS 31-28
Moravian at Susquehanna
So I have to ask…(Because you know I will..)
IF you attend “Moravian” does that make you a “Moron”?
It’s a legitimate question….
SUSIE Q 33-17
Southern California at Notre Dame
I think this game is going to be uglier than a Hillary Clinton polygraph test
GOLDEN GNOMES 41-21
Missouri at Georgia
I still believe…
HUNKER DOWN BIG DAWGS 31-17
Penn State at Ohio State
O’ Yeah this one is going to be close…..
(Damn how many home games do the buckeyes have anyway, twelve?)
BUCKEYES 167-2
Arizona State at Utah
The Sun Devils better be glad that Utah didn’t start more than….
TWO UTES 44-21
Oregon at Washington
Yes, this is your last CNF (Chuck Norris Fact) for the week
Just remember if Chuck Norris doesn’t know it, it’s not worth knowing
(That is so true, so true)
HUSKIES 31-28
Next Week….
There will be a few surprises along with Your Week 8 Picks next week…
And “No” it’s not a video of me liquored up playing a banjo riding a goat
At least I don’t remember it being a goat, never mind….
So Stay Tuned…
One More Thing…
Just in time for “mid-season depression” there will be something on mikerights.com next week that should raise your spirits and maybe even get a good giggle out of you.
But in the meantime….
Thank you all for reading what I write
I truly appreciate it
Enjoy Your Games
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD