Ladies and Gentlemen-
As I wait in the lobby of my local Wal-Mart automotive department for my liver transplant (They really do have everything here!)
It’s time to knock out this week’s picks….
I don’t know how long the recovery time is for this sort of thing
Because all the instructions they gave me are in Chinese
What the hell does “Wang Chung” mean anyway?
Weekend Rewind….
It’s hard to believe that you can get a new liver in the same place and also at the same time that you’re getting your oil and filter changed on your ole pick-up truck.
Wait, a minute
You don’t think they ever have any “mix-ups” do you?
I don’t want to think about it, let’s get to the painful news from last week.
Your (Not so much) Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 58 and 8 last week, not counting the “new” liver, for a 91% overall.
That leaves The CFB Wizard thus far in the season at 199 and 27 or 88%.
Typically I would say something about that “not being too bad”
But frankly I am just not “feeling” it this week for reasons that should be quite obvious at this point….
It looks like they are getting ready to call my name to head to the grease rack
(I sure hope this “operation” is sanitary)
I wanted you to know…
There is a slight variation to the format for this week’s edition.
You will only have Harley with “The South Georgia Football News and Views” and this week’s college football picks.
It’s only temporary so don’t worry
Enjoy your games…
SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS
Greetings from the Heart of SEC Country!!!
The weekend got off to a rocky start as the homestanding Gladiators of South Third took on a bunch of Nasty Renegades from Turner County. The Boys in Blue were pretty much dominated by the Rebs in the form of a 49-14 lopsided defeat. In their first Region 2A matchup, the Trojans just couldn’t get much going. The visitors came into McRae averaging almost 40 points per game while giving up less than 10 and they showed us why. While we had a down week, the kids didn’t give up and Coach Burleson will most certainly go over the game film meticulously to try to figure out exactly what happened and come up with changes for next week. Next up for the good guys is a trip to Ocilla to tangle with the Wild Indians of perennial 2A power Irwin County in an attempt to right the ship and get back to their winning ways
Moving on to Saturday, the mood took a definite positive note as we witnessed the Homestanding Hounds de-spur the Pullets of the Piedmont by a 52-20 score. I don’t know what got in to quarterback Grayson Lambert, but this young man set a new record by completing 24 of 25 for a 98% completion rating. Nick Chubb was relentless in picking up almost 160 yards and 2 TD’s, with Sony Michel and Keith Marshall punching in TD’s of their own. And when it was time for the Defense to bow their backs they got plain out mean as they held the Chickens to just over 250 yards. Next up for the Canines is a visit from the Jungle Cats of Southern in a warmup for the highly anticipated Crimson Tide. This one looks a little different after week 3 than it did just a few short days ago.
The Slide Rule Jocks made the trip to South Bend for a highly anticipated game with the Gnasty Gnomes and came back with a notch in the L column as they fell by a score of 30-22. The South Benders were supposed to have their hands full with the Wreck’s running game but they were handled with ease and limited the Trade School to 216 rushing yards. Next up for the Bees is a date with the Blue Devils of Duke in a game which Paul Johnson hopes will turn the fortunes of the bruised Bumblers around.
And over in Statesboro, the Blue Birds of Prey turned back the attack of the Cadets of the Citadel to the tune of 48-13. The workhorse, Matt “The Bruiser” Brieda rumbled for over 160 yards and a TD in the route which got out of hand early, seeing the Eagles roll into halftime up 31 zip. Next up for the Birds is a flight out west in an attempt to make mashed potatoes out of a bunch of Delinquents from Idaho.
And there was lots of other action and head scratchers on Saturday.
The Kittens of the Plains were declawed by their Bayou Bengal brethren to the tune of a 45-21 mauling. That’s slightly north of 100 points given up by the revamped defense of Mr. Muschamp. That tune ain’t going to play too long in Southeast Alabama.
And for the second week in a row, Coach Gary Pinkell’s felines had trouble with an opponent. This time it was the Sled Dogs of Connecticut who almost took a bite out of the Cats who were fortunate enough to be on the right end of the 9-6 barnburner.
Although it was only Austin Peay, the Seamen of Nashville got one in the win column as they trounced the Governors by a 47-7 score. Don’t know what the outcome of the season will be but getting a notch in the win column is big for the ‘Dores as they attempt to work their way to respectability.
The Fayetteville Hogs fell to the Red Raiders of Texas Tech by a 35-24 score. Things don’t get any easier for the Fayetteville crowd as they the now head straight into a gauntlet of A&M, Tennessee, Alabama, and Auburn.
Florida got a “big” win against the Wildcats of Lexington. The Reptiles look a little shaky but that’s to be expected after the devastation of the previous administration.
Things I Think:
Doom and Gloom I – Two of the most depressed fan bases in the country will be on hand to witness South Carolina and Vandy play. There will be suicide prevention booths set up around Williams-Brice Stadium to prevent any unnecessary loss of life.
Doom and Gloom II – I’m glad I don’t live in the State of Alabama after last weekend.
Overrated – #6 Southern Cal falls to Stanford. There’s nothing you do about it except shake your head, but there are programs who, after making a little noise, will be vaulted to the upper echelons of the Polls. This is a clear example
Overrated II – Missouri almost fell out of the polls after their latest feat of mediocrity.
South Carolina – I don’t believe I’ve ever witnessed a Steve Spurrier coached team who didn’t at least have a prayer to win late in the 4th. How bad is it getting in Columbia? They play in the noon time slot for the next two weeks.
Matt Breida – Nick Chubb isn’t the only stud running back playing college football in the State of Georgia
Polls – They are what they are. A reflection of people’s opinions. No problem with the Buckeyes occupying the #1 spot, but Michigan at #2? After playing Air Force? Contrary to what people believe those preseason polls are very important.
Polls II – Ole Miss at number 3 is about right. In order to be the man you have to beat the man, as wrestling great Ric Flair used to say
Auburn – That high you got off of Malzahn might not last as long as the one you had with Chizik. Time for a new fix yet?
Bielema – When you make comments you simply have to back them up because you may find your “ass” getting run out of town.
The Season – A quarter of the way done already. It goes by way to fast. I’m sure the fireworks will abound, the fur will fly, and the fights to the wire will continue.
LSU – “Run, Leonard, Run”
SMU – Remember that other team in Texas? You know, the one that one over in the All American Conference? Coach Chad Morris’ Ponies just gave vaunted TCU all they could handle. Watch out. They’re about to turn into stallions pretty soon
Les Miles – Class act. If you saw that photo of Coach Miles treating young Sid Ortis to seats in the coaches box for the LSU/Auburn game you pretty much had to dab your eyes a little bit.
Well, That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth
THE GAMES
Thursday, September 24
Cincinnati at Memphis
Not that it’s all that important here…
But I do one hell of an Elvis impersonation..
(Thank you, thank you very much)
ELVIS’S TIGERS 31-28
Friday, September 25
Boise State at Virginia
I know people like to hear me say this….
But these boys from Idaho are for real
BRONCO’S 34-17
Stanford at Oregon State
I am staring at the “tools” they are going to use for my liver transplant
I am honestly “uncomfortable” with someone using channel locks on me
Is that a Phillip’s head screw driver?
CARDINAL 38-21
Saturday, September 26
UCLA at Arizona
Despite the fact this is the “first” game on the agenda…
We all know damn well it’s going to be televised at midnight Eastern Standard Time
They can’t fool us…
BEARS A’ BRUIN 41-38
Southern California at Arizona State
(See detailed explanation above and substitute “first” for “second”)
TROJANS 33-21
Nicholls State at Colorado
Supposedly Wynonna Judd will lead the buffaloes onto the field for this home game
I sure hope she got her hoofs painted for this event..
(It’s a big deal)
BUFFALO’S 44-10
Utah at Oregon
I am going “Upset” on this one….
Why, you might ask?
Because I am upset that the same guy that just changed the oil and filter on my pickup truck will be doing the “surgery” for my “new” liver.
(I am praying that he at least washes his hands)
TWO UTES 38-34
Maryland at West Virginia I can almost smell those couches burning from here…..
(Why do you all burn your own stuff after a win, I don’t get it)
MOUNTAINEERS 44-28
Virginia Tech at East Carolina
Did I mention that Turkey Season is my favorite time of the year?
I did?
Fortunately I am not embarrassed by repeating myself
HOKIES 34-14
Texas A&M at Arkansas
I wish I had better news for my Razorback faithful….
But I don’t
GIG EM AGGIES 41-14
Mississippi State at Auburn
I know this may be crazy as hell….
But then again I am in Wal-Mart for a liver transplant
(Well at least I didn’t go to “Big Lot’s”)
WAR DAMN EAGLE 28-24
Missouri at Kentucky
I cannot believe I am making this pick…
Seriously, I can’t
BLUE CATS 28-21
Navy at Connecticut
Little known fact…..
“IF” you have a speech impediment…..
You can’t say “Connecticut” without spitting on someone across from you.
I know…..
(I am a storehouse of information known by few)
MIDSHIPMEN 38-24
Bowling Green at Purdue
Just to give you some perspective on how “bad” Purdue is…
I think “army” could possibly beat them…
(I apologize; I think we all know that statement was ludicrous, nobody is that bad)
FALCONS 31-21
OK Panhandle St at Bacone College
What a bunch of crap….
This so called institution of “higher learning” can’t spell BACON
Dumbasses
IM OK 38-14
Cumberland at Valdosta State
This has the potential to be uglier than my rental tuxedo from my senior prom
(“NO” you cannot see any pictures either, so don’t ask)
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 41-14
Central Florida at South Carolina
I won’t be the only one getting a liver transplant if Coach Steve doesn’t win this one…
(Glad I got in here before the rush..)
GAMECOCKS 33-21
LSU at Syracuse
I don’t know what these Yankees were thinking scheduling this game…
Maybe it’s just been a while since they had a good Cajun Ass Whipping
(That has to be it…)
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 44-17
Southern at Georgia
I am not saying that Southern doesn’t have a chance here….
I am just saying that there is a better chance of a Clinton being honest than there is that Southern will win this game, that’s all I am saying.
BIG BAD DAWGS (as much as they damn well want) – 10
Georgia Tech at Duke
I would have picked the “blue devils” in this contest ….
But I just read that “Duke” sued the John Wayne estate to prevent them from using the term “Duke”, and “yes” I am serious.
You know…..
It’s no wonder everybody thinks you Duke folks are a bunch of @#$%^&^ ass*&()%$
(I’m just saying…)
YELLOW JACKETS 31-28
Kansas at Rutgers
I have a philosophical question for you all….
“IF” Kansas and Army were to play each other would anybody win?
SCARLET KNIGHTS 41-14
Brigham Young at Michigan
Before you ask
“Yes” I am serious…..
COUGARS 31-28
Central Michigan at Michigan State
Not that it really matters here…
But I am still confused as to what a Chippewa’s “actually” is…
For a while I thought it was a midget California Highway Patrol (Person)
Or maybe….
A midget Chippendale’s dancer…
(Damn, I think there is central theme for me here)
MEN OF SPARTA 34-14
Southern Mississippi at Nebraska
Honestly, I am not too confident in this pick…
Seriously, I am not
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 31-28
Indiana at Wake Forest
Nobody cares….
DEMON DEACONS 21-17
Delaware at North Carolina
(Please see above…)
TAR HEELS 41-21
Northern Illinois at Boston College
I have on good authority (My Black Lab “Doc”)
That this one is solid pick
HUSKIES 21-17
Florida International at Louisiana Tech
The Dogs of Louisiana took the Kansas State Wildcats into overtime after overtime last week, and that’s good enough for me
(This pick was also approved by both “Doc” and “Sadie”)
BULLDOGS 41-21
San Diego State at Penn State
This one will be closer (way closer) than you might think…
NITTANY LIONS 28-24
Ohio at Minnesota
Don’t count out Coach Frank’s Cats for an upset…..
You have been warned
O’ SO VERY GOLDEN GOPHERS 31-17
Rice at Baylor
This week the “mighty” men of Baylor continue their difficult out of conference schedule
Next week….
Baylor will play the “Tumbling and Gymnastic Academy” from Mexia, Texas
And “yes” it’s another Baylor home game in case you were wondering.
BAD NEWS BEARS 162-3
North Texas at Iowa
Yawn…….
HAWKEYES 34-17
Western Michigan at Ohio State
The number one team in the country makes yet another “statement” while playing their intense out of conference schedule with another step towards a Mid American Conference Championship! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
BUCKEYES 101-3
Oklahoma State at Texas
Damn it Longhorns…..
Damn it
COWBOYS 41-21
East Central at Oklahoma Baptist
I love those Oklahoma Baptist….
They always carry guns to church
Where do you think the term “Carry Okie” came from?
I rest my case…
CARRY OKIE 38-21
Carson-Newman at Mars Hill
Coach Sparks is quietly building another championship season….
Believe that…
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-38
Tennessee at Florida
Let’s keep this one simple…..
The streak continues
MIGHTY GATORS 28-21
Miami (OH) at Western Kentucky
The cradle of coach’s gets tipped over on Saturday…
(I am in no way encouraging child abuse by this statement, unless they deserve it)
HILLTOPPERS 41-21
Appalachian State at Old Dominion
As an Appalachian-American I feel under some obligation to make this pick…
It’s how we roll…
MOUNTAINEERS 34-13
Marshall at Kent State
I have only three words for you….
WE ARE MARSHALL 33-17
Massachusetts at Notre Dame
The fair haired children of college football surprised me last week…
I will make amends this week..
(Not that it’s too tough with this pick)
GOLDEN GNOMES 41-10
Louisiana Monroe at Alabama
Life is all about adversity my beloved Tide fans…..
Embrace it…
CRIMSON TIDE 34-17
Middle Tennessee at Illinois
Maybe it’s just me….
But when someone who is about to perform “surgery” is singing…
“Mr. Bojangles”
(That’s just creepy)
DANCING PUMPKINS 31-24
Texas Christian at Texas Tech
I am calling “Upset Special” on this one….
But it may that the anesthesia is starting to kick in…
It’s not the normal type that you are used to in a “regular” hospital
Wal-Mart wants you to drink a six pack of beer before this surgery.
(I bet I am overcharged for it too…)
(“You can keep your own Doctors” my damn ass….)
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 41-38
California at Washington
I guess this is an “Upset”…..
I wouldn’t know
HUSKIES 31-28
Army at Eastern Michigan
This week the President appointed an openly gay guy as the “Secretary of the Army”
That gives a whole new meaning to “Be All That You Can Be”
Dumbasses….
EAGLES 41-3
Samford at Louisville
Coach Bobby P gets the birds heading in the right direction this week before a rough conference road schedule.
BOBBY’S BIRDS 44-10
Vanderbilt at Ole Miss
I am not saying that Vanderbilt Coach (soon to be fired) doesn’t know what he is doing…
But he has the same look on his face on the sidelines that I did in calculus class….
I’m just saying…
FOAM RUBBER BLACK BEARS 55-10
Colorado State at Texas San Antonio
My Rams let me down last week in a close one….
Not this week
RAM TOUGH 38-34
Concordia (MN) at St. Olaf College
I bet they don’t have clue to who Johnny Cash is in “Concordia”
Enough said….
OLLIES 24-17
Augsburg at Gustavus Adolphus
“IF” I was Poland, Austria or France….
I would be nervous with this many Germans drinking beer in a confined space….
(You never know what they are planning)
GUS 28-21
Albany State (GA) at Delta State
I do love that little slice of Heaven in the Great State of Mississippi known as Delta State
So I will say this….
FEAR THE DAMN OKRA 38-14
James Madison at Southern Methodist
I would dearly love to be in Fort Worth for this game..
(Thank you all for the kind invitation)
But due to the statuettes of limitations I cannot return to the Dallas – Fort Worth Metroplex until 2016
(If it’s any consolation I am sorry that I streaked the university’s president mansion too)
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 44-24
Akron at Louisiana Lafayette
Don’t worry Yankee boys it’s not the “heat”….
It’s the “humidity”
RAJUN CAJUNS 34-31
Arkansas State at Toledo
I have feeling on this one….
But it may be the Samuel Adams “anesthesia” kicking in….
RED WOLVES 31-28
Texas State at Houston
I have doubted them all year….
But these cougar’s are for real and “yes” I am serious
COUGARS 44-24
Incarnate Word at UTEP
These arrogant jackasses…
I can hear them now “We are the ONLY ones that have the Incarnate Word!”
I have a couple of incarnate words for you…
Welcome to a West Texas Ass Whopping”
MINERS 44-10
Hawaii at Wisconsin
I think these big corn fed kids from the land of cheese are going to beat the leis off the Hawaiian’s (Unless Dog the Bounty Hunter was involved in this game, but he’s not so they are going to get killed)
CHEESE IT 51-14
North Carolina State at South Alabama
The Jaguars might make a game out of this, but I am thinking not so much
WOLFPACK 31-17
Arkansas-Monticello at Harding
I know, I know….
Harding is a Big Ole Boy…..
But there is a simple statement that I received recently from none other than the Great Bo Jackson….”Bo Knows Weevils”
(Enough said…)
BIG BAD BO WEEVILS 31-28
Florida Tech at North Alabama
It’s no secret…
I love those mighty lions from Florence Alabama….
(I was a legend in my own mind in that town once…)
FLORENCE LIONS 44-21
Northwestern Oklahoma State at Ouachita Baptist
I have a feeling somebody(ies) from Northwestern Oklahoma is going to get Baptized
I am just saying…
GOTCHA BAPTIST 33-31
Ball State at Northwestern
The Chicago Cats are going to have a fight on their hands with these birds
Believe it…
WILDCATS 41-31
Georgia Southern at Idaho
Mashed Potatoes…
SOUTHERN EAGLES 44-21
Fresno State at San José State
You guessed it….
We don’t care
BULLDOGS 41-28
Next Week…
Your Week 5 College Football Picks will be out early (again) next week with perhaps a few surprises if I can get our favorite country philosopher from Opp Alabama, Mr. Rufus Johnson to send me his thoughts for the year.
There is a lot more to come, so stay tuned
One More Thing…
Next week there will be something on mikerights.com that should get a good giggle or two out of you. But in the meantime, I want to thank you all for reading mikerights.com I truly appreciate it, more than you know.
God Bless you all
Enjoy your weekend and your games
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD