Ladies and Gentlemen –
As I set here on my mountaintop retreat watching the snow flakes silently falling and feeling the temperatures plummeting I am feeling a little melancholy over the end of the college football season.
So for the final week of the season I will answer a few of your emails, announce some end of the 2014 season awards and provide you dear readers with Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator’s Pick for the Championship Game.
Enjoy….
QUESTIONS, COMMENTARY and OTHER WITTY RETORTS
You may not be aware of this, but Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator gets a lot (As in A-Lot) of hateful email after the weekly picks come out each week and most certainly after the outcome of the weekly games have been decided.
There are “Monday Morning” quarterbacks who question certain picks….
Some just want to call me names such as racist, sexist, etc….
While others just fail to see the humor in my sarcasm
More often than not I reply with a simple
“Thank you for taking the time to read The CFB Wizard”
But sometimes I am compelled to respond with something a bit more spirited
Q: Hey Bama Man!
How about those Buckeyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You really missed that pick! HAAAAAAAAA!!!!
The Tide got Rolled UP In New Orleans!!!!!
Buckeyes RULE!!!
Martin – Columbus, Ohio
A: Congratulations on a Great win Martin and to all the Ohio State Buckeye Fans, alumni, coaches and players.
Your email is but one of several hundred that I received following the Sugar Bowl win by the Buckeyes and might I congratulate you on being the most articulate of the Buckeye fans that were kind enough to point out the obvious to me following the game.
I can understand Buckeye fans unbridled enthusiasm over the win over the Crimson Tide, because as you know….The Buckeyes had never defeated Alabama before.
As in Ever….
So with it being 2015 and recording a win, the first win over Alabama by the way, on such a grand stage I can certainly understand that you simply don’t know how to act or how to respond, because you know….it had never ever happened before.
So let me leave you with a quote that may assist you as you attempt to harness your euphoria over the first ever win over the Alabama Crimson Tide
“Win without Bragging and Lose without Excuse”
Coach Paul W. Bryant
Q: Dear CFB Wizard
Now that the season is wrapping up, what do you do in the college football off-season?
Thanks!
Jake – Spartanburg, South Carolina
A: Jake as I continue in my quest to be a published author while simultaneously breaking the world record for most rejections from perspective publishers you may be surprised to know that I am also an accomplished thespian.
For those who may be unfamiliar with Latin Cinema, other than The CFB Wizard and a perspective author on Mikerights.com, I am also a world renowned Mexican cinematic action hero known throughout the Latin world simply as;
“Rascadango”
EDITORS NOTE: Think…..a “Mexican” Bruce Willis (But Better looking)
You may even be familiar with my catch phrase as all cinematic hero’s have….
“Get your hands off her Muchacho!”
In fact I will be filming the third in the wildly popular Latin cinematic series this spring
“Get your hands off her Muchacho! Part III”
EDITORS NOTE: Think….a “Mexican” Sylvester Stallone as “Rambo” but without the weird accent, mumbling and strange plastic surgery
Sadly in the United States I am only recognized by lawn workers, roofers and employees of chicken processing plants
Q: Hey Dumbass Wizard!
What were you thinking picking the Ole Whizz Rebels over the Horned Frogs??
Man, that wasn’t EVEN Close!
And if it could get any worse, then you throw in a Billy Idol reference that didn’t even make any damn sense. The song “Rebel Yell” didn’t have a damn thing to do with The Ole Whizz Rebels. Did you drink a twelve pack before you made those bowl picks?
Chip – Fort Worth, Texas
A: You are absolutely right Chip, that pick (along with a few others I could name..) weren’t even close to being right, and you are also correct as to your referencing the Billy Idol song “Rebel Yell”.
However in an effort to at least correct one “wrong” here, I have researched the origins of the Billy Idol song and its inherent meaning. I can now state beyond a shadow of a doubt that the song is in tribute to that greatest of all Stooges: Moe
Q: Dear Wizard or whatever you call yourself
You’re picks are so stupid I can’t believe I wasted the last thirty minutes reading them
You are no different than any other man; you are stupid, stubborn and set in your ways
I won’t ever be reading your trash again
Wanda – Cincinnati, Ohio
A: In regards to your statement concerning my fellow brothers and men everywhere
Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard
Why don’t you ever have pictures of yourself on here?
Why don’t you take a “selfie” or an impromptu picture of yourself for the site?
I think it would go a long way to help your readers get a chance to know you
Thank you
Jeri – Memphis, Tennessee
A: Jeri thank you for your kind and considerate email.
I don’t take impromptu pictures of myself or any “selfies” for one very important reason
It has been my experience that something always goes wrong when those types of pictures are taken, for example.
The young man below should have looked behind him to see if there was a “shoe” from the person behind him in the picture before the camera shutter clicked.
Q: Well I guess all you Seminole Haters are Happy Now!
As far as I am concerned Jameis Winston and the Seminoles are STILL the best damn team in the Country and you and everybody else can kiss our ass
Jeremy – Tallahassee, Florida
A: 
Q: Hey Man why don’t you just stick to college football and leave the political commentary, snide remarks and boasting about the military to some other site.
Your silly diatribes about world politics are amateurish
Stephen – Springfield, Virginia
A: Stephen thank you for your well thought out email
In most cases I am just stating the obvious, which I suppose is amateurish to some
However, I boast about the military because I have a number of military readers, and frankly no one else seems to recognize their accomplishments.
As an example…..
Below is a picture of United States Marines rescuing a large group of ISIS sex slaves from Islamic captivity.
You’re Welcome America
Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard
Do you have any interesting mascot news to report as the season comes to a close?
Thanks!
Tommy – Fort Payne, Alabama
A: Thank you for the email Tommy and “yes” I have some mascot news that you may find of interest
Purdue Pete is dating again after being dumped by Paris Hilton
The Presbyterian “Blue Ho’s” has a new look for next year that is more “Blue” than “Ho”
And the University of Tennessee has an Orange Chinaman in short-shorts for next year to go along with their ever growing menagerie of nonsensical and confusing mascots.
THE 2014 OBSCURE CFB WIZARD AWARDS
This Years Award for Ugliest Homecoming Court once again goes to The University of Tennessee, but in all fairness, this group has less facial hair than last years “beauties”
The Award for Biggest Dumbass Caught on Camera……
Goes to this Auburn fan for obvious reasons….
In this age of Diversity, the Award for “Gayest Football Promotion” goes to….
The Award for…..
“Best Tailgating Treat if You Are British living in the United States”
Goes too…
EDITORS NOTE: I honestly think…..
IF I ever heard a parent say, “Hey Kids, Who wants some more spotted dick?”
I would pee all over myself….
The Award for Best T-Shirt Unrelated to College Football
There can only be one winner here….
It’s only the home to the Greatest Museum of All time and that of course is…
The International Towing and Recovery Museum, Hall of Fame and Wall of the Fallen and Gift Shop
In Chattanooga Tennessee
The Award for Worst Celebrity Picture in a Bikini
Wynonna Judd
And in other News
THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
January 12, 2015 in The House that Jerry Built in Arlington Texas
It’s the Nuts and The Ducks!
Ohio State Buckeyes and Oregon Ducks
The Buckeyes have been decided underdogs in their last two games and won both..
That’s good enough for me..
BUCKEYES 41-38
One More thing…..
Thank you all once again for riding along with me all season
I couldn’t have done it without you
There is more to come here and on mikerights.com in the coming year
So Stay tuned
And one last thing
Be good to one another
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD