Ladies and Gentlemen
I don’t know how any of you faired during Halloween.
But aside from a few “Treats” last week, all I got was a bunch of rocks.
The Halloween Picks started out with promise…..
But much like your elderly Aunt Sophie’s “Tuna Surprise”
My Picks went bad fast (And by “bad” I don’t mean that in a “good” way)
Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 44 and 13 or 77% (Sigh)
That leaves the CFB Wizard at 535 and 117 or 82% so far this season.
Speaking of Halloween…..
I have a “Post Halloween” Safety Tip for you….
“IF” a group of children has just left your door and you notice what “may” be an unwrapped tootsie roll lying on the porch, please pay attention to see if the children had a dog with them before you pick up the “tootsie roll”.
I’m just saying….
Before we move on to the other segments and the Picks of the Week
I want to remind you all that Sunday is the Marine Corps Birthday
This Monday (November 11) is Veteran’s Day
Do me a favor…..
Don’t thank any of these folks for their “service”
They haven’t been working at a damn full service gas station
They haven’t been waiting tables at Denny’s….
They haven’t delivered you any pizzas
But what they have done is sacrificed for your freedom
They have given mightily for an ungrateful government
They have sacrificed themselves and their families for an often times ungrateful citizenry
But they did it anyway….
And so many of those good people aren’t here today because of their personal sacrifices
So when you see them, if you can recognize them.
Thank them for your freedom, because that’s what their sacrifices bought you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINES and HAPPY VETERAN’S DAY
God Bless You Boy’s and Girls….
SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS
Greetings From the Heart of SEC Country!!!
Well, our big blue gladiators were ambushed by a bunch on angry Indians as Telfair made the trip through the Okefenokee to take on Charlton County down in Folkston. The Boys in Blue fell to the Swamp Dwellers by a score of 17-7 as 4 turnovers spelled doom for the Trojans. Quarterback Kevin Clark threw for over 250 yards, including a 50 yard bomb to Sernior Teviest Howard but it wasn’t enough as the boys continuously gave the homestanding Braves a shortfield off of 2 fumbles and 2 interceptions. Said Coach Burleson, “You know, we just didn’t take care of the ball tonight and we’ll work on that. But we’re still proud of these kids. They’ve come a long way in the last 2 seasons.” Well said Coach. On tap for the Trojans is a visit from the Patriots of Wilcox down on South Third in McRae in the season finally. Let’s come out in force and make things uncomfortable for the visitors because a playoff spot could be riding on this game.
Lots of things went wrong up in Statesboro, as the Birds of Prey were knocked from their nests by a testy bunch of Gunslingers from Furman by a 16-14 score. As has been the case throughout the season, things have been ugly sometimes at the Prettiest Little Stadium in America as the Birds missed a pair of field goals, had 3 turnovers, and had a touchdown called back in the loss. The Eagles drop to 4-4 on the season and prepare for the Mountain Cats of Western Carolina next. Don’t know if the Wreck’s defense has improved that much or Pitt’s offense is that anemic, but the Slide Rule Jocks shut down the visiting Felines by a 21-10 score. The Denizens of Bobby Dodd Stadium were satisfied as the Bees qualified for another bowl with the win. Next up is a bye in preparation for a little Thursday night fireworks with the Tigers of Death Valley II. Down in Jacksonville, the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party was held and before the night was through it almost looked like a bar room brawl as the Canines snuck out of Jacksonville with a 23-20 win. After building a 20 point lead, the momentum firmly swung in the direction of the Reptiles in the third quarter off a lateral/pass which turned out to be a fumble that the Gators recovered and almost scored on. However, after getting within 3, the Hounds held on to run out the last 8 plus minutes of the clock and secure the game for their 3rd straight win in the series.
Point of View: I understand we’re dealing with youngsters in college games but I hate to see what happened in the Georgia-Florida reunion last Saturday. It turned into a Thug-Fest and took away from the game. It was chippy in the first quarter but turned into all out thuggery in the third. It appeared that one of the tactics Florida was going to use to continue to gain momentum was an in your face, extra-curricular, overly physical attempt at intimidation on Defense. But, not to be out done, our boys got back out on the field and had the mindset that Florida wasn’t going to out thug us. What it did was almost take our D out of the game by concentrating on the taunts, pushing, shoving, and their own attempts at out-thugging the thugs. I love Coach Richt but he allows too much of this. These boys are representatives of not only the University of Georgia, but also our state. I’m not proud of how they represented us Saturday. Aaron Murray got it right in the first half. When a Florida kid tried to taunt him, he just pointed at the scoreboard. Too bad the rest of the team isn’t mature enough to stay out of the ‘Thug Business’.
That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
WEST POINT: Really? I pick you one time this year to win against a hapless Air Force team and you NOT only don’t win, you get the living hell beaten out of you.
What the Hell Black Knights? What the Hell…..
EDITORS NOTE: Consider this your Marine Corps ass chewing of the week…
KENTUCKY: Congratulations……
You finally found a team from Alabama that you could beat…
But you do know that the Alabama Technical Fertilizer and Agriculture Mechanical College “isn’t” in the Southeastern Conference, right?
Just making sure…
MOST VALUABLE PLAYER OF THE WEEK: This past week’s most valuable player isn’t the phenomenal young Seminole quarterback….
It is the line judge of the Tennessee – Missouri game….
Who executed one the best blocks I have ever seen….
He single handedly blocked four Volunteer defenders to allow the Tiger’s their first score
That took some real work there Ref….
Congratulations Dumbass…
WESTERN ILLINOIS: The Team from WIU is called the “Leathernecks”…
I think it’s inherently wrong that they aren’t playing the weekend of the Marine Corps Birthday…
ESPN COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAMEDAY: You all know…(Or should by now)
That I dearly love ESPN’s College Football Game Day on Saturday Mornings…
And I love Coach Lee Corso and like many of you I wait patiently (or not so patiently)
For the guest picker and Coach Lee Corso’s game day pick and his headgear selection
This past Saturday the College Football Game Day crew was in Tallahassee
Coach Lee was a quarterback for the Seminoles 60 years ago…
He was known as the “Sunshine Scooter” because he could run, pass and do it all…
He had a famous guy as his running back too…
Burt Reynolds…
That’s right
“The” Burt Reynolds
(I recognize that all ladies over the age of forty just sighed heavily and needed to compose themselves before they continued reading)
So why not have Burt as the “guest picker” on that day…
It would have been perfect
PERFECT
But “NO” instead they had some country music “singer”…I use that term loosely..
Because that boy didn’t look like he had been in a fight in his whole life
(But he did have really white teeth and nice hair..)
ESPN punted that one in the stands…..
FLORIDA STATE: Speaking of all things Tallahassee….
The Seminoles ARE the team to beat this year….
Believe it..
CARSON NEWMAN: You let Leann Rimes beat your butt’s last week….
That gal is skinny as a broomstick….
What the Heck….
Seriously
MICHIGAN: I was always told……
If you can’t say something “nice” then don’t say anything at all
This is what I have to say about your performance last week against the Spartan’s
COLLEGE FOOTBALL FAN GAMEDAY APPAREL 101
Clearly some of you either haven’t taken my advice or haven’t shared it with your fellow college football enthusiast .I say that because of the picture below sent to me of a Missouri Tiger “fan”….
There is a difference between “dressing up” for the game and “Dressing for the Game”
I got it….
He is from the “Show Me State”….
But I would rather he not “show me” that…
Seriously
EMAIL OF THE WEEK
Q: Dear Mister CFB Wizard
We have noticed that you haven’t covered any of the titanic contests this year in the Ivy League. You and your readers do not know what you are missing!
The League crown is hotly contested this year between some of the finest Academic Institutions in the country and it may come down to the last game of the season for several of the teams before a champion is declared!
It is what you in the South would call a “Nail Bitter”
May we inquire as to why you are not covering Ivy League Football this year?
Harvard Law School Class 2014 – Cambridge, Massachusetts
A: Thank you so much for the email and reading the CFB Wizard…..
As to the answer to your question
I don’t cover your “Ivy League Anything” for two very simple reasons
1.Hoover High School in Alabama could beat the living hell out of any of your teams, possibly even all your teams combined.
2.Your “league” has produced the dumbest damn presidents in the history of this country.
You’re Welcome
THE GAMES
Tuesday November 5
Bowling Green at Miami (OH)
I have never been more sure of anything in my life….
FALCONS 45-3
Ohio at Buffalo
I must be in some kind of a “zone”
Theses scores are just coming to me from out of nowhere
BUFFALO WILD WINGS 30-3
Wednesday November 6
Central Michigan at Ball State
It’s like I can’t miss, I am seriously in the Prognosticator’s groove here
CARDINALS 44-24
Thursday November 7
Oklahoma at Baylor
As Much as I would like to pick the Mighty Sooners to upset the Bears….
I don’t think it’s going to happen….
But I still wouldn’t leave my seat
DA BEARS 41-21
Troy at Louisiana Lafayette
I fear the Cajun Magic is a bit too spicy for my Boy’s from South Alabama
RAJUN CAJUNS 34-28
UNC Pembroke at Valdosta State
“Pembroke”?
Don’t they make those little sausage things in gift packs for Thanksgiving and Christmas? Who knew they had their own college?
I wonder if Pepperidge Farms has a school…..
BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 38-21
Oregon at Stanford
How I wish this was an “Upset” Special…..
You can’t blame a man for dreaming…
QUACKS 38-17
Friday November 8
Louisville at Connecticut
I have on good authority…..
That Richard Simmons, a long haired hamster and a box of Lucky Charms cereal could beat the Huskies from Connecticut by three touchdowns.
STRONGER CARDINALS 116-0
Air Force at New Mexico
Watch, just watch…..
I will pick against the Falcon’s and they will win….
(They are killing my weekly average..)
YO-YO LOBO’S 28-24
Saturday November 9
LSU at Alabama
This IS the Game of the Week…..
I know the history of this game and the success of the visiting teams
I have nothing but love and respect for my Tiger Friends and Faithful….
But this is business….
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24
Florida State at Wake Forest
UPSET SPECIAL!
Hardly………….
SEMINOLES 162-3
Marist and Campbell
I don’t know about the Soup People, but that Marist…..
She is a real fox….
RED FOXES 31-14
Appalachian State at Georgia
My Black Lab “Doc” feels pretty good about this pick….
Good Boy…
DAWGS 34-17
Concordia (AL) at Delta State
I cannot believe that an institution of higher learning doesn’t know how to spell “accordion” and please don’t give me that crap about how the “C” is silent….
FIGHTING OKRA 41-17
Mississippi State at Texas A&M
Bully Dogs……
You never should have let Coach Sylvester go……
I’m just saying….
GIG EM AGGIES 44-21
Juniata at Moravian
I am not sure if the Morons of Moravian are aware of this…..
But Juanita just got her hair “did” and she is looking for a good scrap
J-LO 28-17
Kansas at Oklahoma State
Have you heard the “new” motto for the Kansas Jayhawks Football Team?
“The Kansas Jayhawks; We are Everybody’s Homecoming Team”
Catchy, don’t you think?
COWBOY UP! 41-14
St Olaf at Bethel (MN)
O.k. so Ollie didn’t win the Cereal Bowl and Goat Trophy a few weeks ago….
But they still have a shot at the Purina Monkey Chow Bowl in Walcott Iowa….
Which is nice…
ST OLLIE 24-21
UCLA at Arizona
I was going to watch this game but I need to rearrange my sock drawer….
It’s a scheduling conflict, sorry….
BRUIN BEARS 34-21
Virginia Tech at Miami (FL)
I hate to go against the Turkeys with Thanksgiving right around the corner….
But these Gobblers are seriously playing like Turkeys the past couple of weeks
HURRICANES 31-17
Coastal Carolina at Charleston Southern
I am not exactly sure what a “Chanticleer” actually is…..
But it sounds like a Cold Sore….
Which is gross
CHANTICLEER’S 31-14
Colorado at Washington
I have a philosophical question…..
“IF” Kansas and Colorado played against each other….
Would either of them win?
HUSKIES 38-17
Nebraska at Michigan
The Wolverines are perfect at Home…..
That’s the only reason I am going with them here…
WOLVERINES 28-24
Alderson-Broaddus at Lenoir Rhyne
For just a minute I thought it read…
“Alderson Bad-Ass”……..
(That would have been an awesome name for a college)
LEANN RIMES 41-14
Vanderbilt at Florida
Don’t take these Commodores lightly…..
One slip-up and this score is reversed
GATORS 31-17
Arkansas at Ole Miss
My Razorback Faithful…..
I am sorry, I know this is getting old….
BLACK BEAR REBELS 41-21
Arkansas Monticello at Ouachita Baptist
I would go with the Mighty Bo Weevils in this one….
But I’m a Baptist and we need to stick together
GOTCH BAPTIST 24-21
Notre Dame at Pittsburgh
I wish I cared……
I really do
But I don’t
FIHGINTNING IRSIHIH 28-17
McDaniel at Susquehanna
I don’t eat any fast food or food that’s fast…..
So I can’t go with Mickey D in this one..
Sorry
SUSIE-Q 21-17
Brigham Young at Wisconsin
This game will be a lot closer than you might think…..
Way Closer…
THE POWER OF CHEESE WHIZ 31-28
Kansas State at Texas Tech
I wouldn’t count Coach Bill and the Wildcats out of this one….
Don’t be surprised if this score is reversed
GET THOSE GUNS UP! RED RAIDERS 34-21
Southern California at California
This “rivalry” game has had its name changed several times over the past several years to make the name of the game more “inclusive” and incorporate “diversity” and to “showcase” the rich heritage of “understanding” within California.
This rivalry game is now referred to as….
“The Zima Drinking, Legalized Marijuana, Rainbow Flag Waving, Gay Marriage, Illegal Person Sanctuary, Mud Slide, Wild Fire, Vegan, Vegetarian, Hellacious Taxes, Save the Planet, Fight Global Warming, Gridlock Traffic, Game of Diversity-Understanding and Love”
(Say that three times fast and see if you don’t pass out…)
TROJANS 10-7
Nevada at Colorado State
Coach Jim has the Ram’s on the Move….
That’s right I said it……
RAM TOUGH 41-38
Montana at South Dakota
You don’t want to be a around an angry Grizzly Bear…..
Or Wynonna Judd when it’s close to her lunch time….
Both situations will result in you losing an arm
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 38-17
UW Oshkosh at Wisconsin Eau Claire
There is one thing you can count on in this game…..
Everybody there will be talking funny…
BY GOSH 28-24
Texas Christian at Iowa State
Both of these teams are beaten and bruised already this season
I am frying frog legs tonight….
So I am going with..
HORNED FROGS 24-21
Illinois at Indiana
Another Big Ten (Or Sixteen….) Game and that means another “rivalry” game
This one is called “Our States are Next to each Other and Nobody Cares” Game…
The Winner gets a Bronze Bust of Rodney Dangerfield
Which is Awesome…
HOOTERS 38-31
Missouri at Kentucky
A Home Game in Commonwealth Stadium…..
You know what that means..
Queue the Miley Mo Ho Music…
(Yippee…)
MO’S TIGERS 88-3
North Alabama at Florida Tech
The Lions upset the mighty West Alabama Tigers last week….
Coach Bobby and the Big Cats are on the prowl
FLORENCE LIONS 41-17
Syracuse at Maryland
If you happen to have a large flat screen HD television do NOT watch this game….
The putrid color combinations of the two team’s uniforms and the subsequent contrast of those disgusting colors on your television screen may cause you to have seizures
MULTI-COLORED LINOLEUM TURTLES 21-17
Muhlenberg at Ursinus
I know, I know…..
The College of Sinus and Urology (Don’t quite know how those two things fit together)
Are no match for that Mule Faced girl from Appalachia
(I’m not judging her, she can’t help it)
MULE GIRL 28-10
Penn State at Minnesota
I never thought I would see the day when the O So Very Golden Gophers would be favored over the Penn State Nittany Lions…..
I still believe…
JOE’S LIONS 28-24
North Carolina State at Duke
I read that the Blue Devils of Duke may actually become eligible for a Bowl game…
That my friends is a sure sign of the coming Apocalypse
WOLFPACK 38-34
Tulsa at East Carolina
The Golden Hurricanes travel to see the Pirates….
Sounds like a party at Elton John’s house
GRRRRRRRRRR PIRATES 34-27
Virginia at North Carolina
Let’s call this one like it is, shall we…
Neither of these teams is worth a damn
TAR HEELS 17-10
Wofford at Chattanooga
I cannot in good conscience pick a team that sounds like a pesky cough
It’s almost the cold and flu season
MIGHTY MOC’S 28-17
Arizona State at Utah
What the heck is a “Sun Devil” anyway?
Sounds like some wrinkled old lady living in Sun City…………
Driving around in a golf cart half naked acting frisky
TWO UTES 31-28
Newberry at Carson Newman
To be perfectly honest…..
I am more of a “Mayberry” kind of a guy….
I don’t even know where Newberry is located…
It must be on the other side of Mount Pilot
SPARKS EAGLES 31-24
Texas at West Virginia
I will not under any circumstances doubt my beloved Horn’s again this season…
Believe it….
LONGHORNS 34-28
Houston at Central Florida
My idea of making David Hasselhoff the “Honorary” mascot of the Golden Knights has worked out for the University of Central Florida. But for those fans that didn’t like the idea let me simply say this…
Don’t Hassel the Hoff
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 44-41
Southern Methodist at Cincinnati
I know the Boy’s from Skyline Chili are favored in this game…..
But I am riding the Ponies to the win in this one
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-34
Utah State at UNLV
You know what they say….
“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”
Noted exception to the above “rule”…..
STD’s, undisclosed fungus and or rash and the gambling debt soon to be collected by a friendly Italian guy that comes to your house.
AGGIES 41-31
Iowa at Purdue
The Big Ten (or whatever…) is all a buzz over this ancient conference rivalry game
As you know it’s played each year for “Paul Bunyan’s Fart-sicle”
(I have no idea what happens to that thing if it thaws out…)
HAWKEYES 21-17
UAB at Marshall
It’s November…….
Huntington West “By God” Virginia
Enough said….
WE ARE MARSHALL 41-38
Auburn at Tennessee
The Vowels may very well make this a better game than any of us think….
They are due….
WAR DAMN EAGLE 44-24
Western Kentucky at Army
You don’t really think I would pick Army after last weeks disaster do you?
Thank you…
HILLTOPPERS 34-17
Montana State at Eastern Washington
The Eagles of Eastern will be favored…..
But I have a feeling in this one
And I don’t think the feeling is the ghost of Paul Bunyan’s Fart-sicle
(I’m sorry but that’s just a fun word to say even when your alone)
BOBCATS 38-34
Fresno State at Wyoming
Cowboy DOWN……
BULLDOGS 44-17
Boston College at New Mexico State
Both of these teams are heading in the same direction….
Nowhere…
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 28-17
Texas El Paso at North Texas
I think the Miners season caved in about week two……
MEAN GREEN 41-21
Hawaii at Navy
Here we go again…..
Read this carefully NAVY…..
I AM PICKING YOU TO WIN THE GAME…..
“YES” that’s a Damn HINT
MIDSHIPMEN 31-17
Shorter at West Alabama
Poor Shorter…..
That boy still doesn’t quite measure up to the Tigers…
TIGERS 44-10
Florida International House of Pancakes at Middle Tennessee
I have to ask……
What is so “International” about a House of Pancakes?
Past the Belgian waffles and you got what?
Nothing….
My Point exactly
BLUE RAIDERS 34-14
Southern Miss at Louisiana Tech
My Beloved Hattiesburg Faithful…..
I am sorry….
BULLDOGS 28-14
Illinois State at North Dakota State
The Bison will stampede all the way to the Championship game….
Believe it…
MIGHTY BISON 44-21
Arkansas State at Louisiana Monroe
The Boy’s from West Monroe beat Troy in South Alabama last week….
Enough said….
WARHAWKS 34-21
San Diego State at San Jose State
One way or another….
I will be far too intoxicated after the LSU-Alabama game to care or even watch this game
Sorry
JOSE’ SPARTANS 31-28
Enjoy your games….
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD