College Football Picks Week 9

October 24, 2013
By

Ladies and Gentlemen –

If you think you or your team was “Upset” last Weekend…

Wait till you see my averages from last week

A Hamster on a wheel could have picked the games better than I did last week

But do not worry my friends…..

Do not be depressed or take a turn toward negative town

Do not be despondent about your teams or their losses

Do what I do in situations like this to “change” your lucky fortunes

This is a proven scientific process so please follow along closely…

1.Put a slice of Velveeta (Preferably Jalapeno) in each of your shoes or work boots.
(I know it “feels funny” but you will thank me later)

2.Avoid eye contact with any midgets, dwarfs or circus and carnival folk throughout the week before “game day”. (Do not underestimate the power of a midget’s “stink eye” that may been the cause of your team’s loss last Saturday)

3.Avoid walking under ladders, or around black cats or associating with people who call themselves “Scooter”.
(Trust me on this one I know what I’m talking about)

4.Sometime during your work day for no apparent reason yell out….
“Where is Mister Winkie!”
(This will help eliminate the atmospheric charges that are besetting your teams luck)

5.Lastly and perhaps most importantly text or email these valuable instructions to your fellow fans, the power harnessed by the collective masses from this scientific secret will only further change your teams luck and help them to be victorious on Saturday’s.

And before you shower me with your unbridled adulation let me simply say

“You’re Welcome”

Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was anything but finishing Week 8 at 39 and 14 or 74% (Ouch!)

Leaving the CFB Wizard battered and bruised for the season at 437 and 95 or 82%

We have a lot more college football to discuss, so let’s not waste anymore time here…

Now where did I put that Velveeta?

Enjoy your games….

SOUTH GEORGIA NEWS and VIEWS

Greetings from the heart of SEC Country!!!

Things are starting to unravel for the Boys in Blue.
It seems everyone has revenge on their minds when we play after last year’s turnaround season.

The Trojans traveled to Ashburn for a date with a bunch of wild insurgents who were intent on a little payback. Our visiting Gladiators kept it close until just after halftime as the Rebels turned a close game into a runaway. Our boys put up a bunch of points but it just wasn’t enough as the Rebels repelled the attackers by a 48-34 score.

Coach Burleson said our team isn’t downtrodden as they put up a valiant effort in a losing effort. Next up for the Trojans is a visit from the Pups of Lakeland. These Canines are sitting at 2-6 and would like nothing more than to right the ship at our expense.

Let’s all head down to South 3rd on Friday, make some noise, and help our boys get the win.

Up in Atlanta, the North Avenue Trade School entertained and embarrassed The visiting Orange of Syracuse in the first ACC meeting between the two schools. It was a rude welcome for the Northern visitors as the Wreck amassed almost 400 penalty free rushing yards and 56 points in the shutout.

The much needed win ended a 3 game skid and, hopefully, some forward momentum. 2 winnable games against Virginia and Pitt and then it’s a showdown with Clemson in Death Valley II.

About the only positive out of Athens was that we only lost one player to injury on a day that saw the Sailors of Nashville overcome a 13 point deficit with just over 6 minutes left in the 3rd quarter. For the Heel Hounds most certainly to call for Richt’s hide once again, he had this to say: “..At Georgia, we stick together.”

After a close game last week against the Citadel, the Statesboro Blue Birds took the week off in preparation for a trip to Boone, NC to tangle with Mountain Dwellers of the Appalachians. The Fowl hope to get some of their injury problems solved and players back as only 57 of 85 scholarship players dressed for battle with the Cadets of Charleston.

Coach Paulson hopes to add to the woes of the Mountain Men who are kind of smarting after compiling an uncharacteristic 1-6 record.

What a day for football Saturday was. We witnessed first-hand the Denizens of the Southeastern Conference feast on themselves as it seems everyone Was intent on destroying each other. I never would have dreamed the Plainsmen Of Auburn could or would defeat the Agriculturalists and Mechanics of College Station. Missouri over Florida was a possibility with all of the Reptilians injuries. But I wouldn’t have made that bet. Nor would have I wagered anything on the Mountain Men of Knoxville putting a “W” up at the expense of the Cacklers of Columbia. And how about the Yellow Cats of Louisiana getting thumped by Bo Wallace’s Rebels of Oxford?

A truly amazing weekend.

Only the Red Pachyderms seemed to have an easy time of it.

And one last thought.

I speculated on a couple of occasions before that there may be a little Life over at Auburn and up in Knoxville. I guess we all saw that on Saturday. Congrats to those great programs on a couple of hard fought, special wins for their fans.

That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.

And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.

Until next time,

I’m Harley Hanesworth

EMAIL QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Q: Hey Wizard Man

Look, we read you article on the website, right?

But check it, you been making fun of peoples names like that dude from Air Force, Weenie or something.

Man that ain’t funny, It’s cool to give you kids names that make them stand out, you know.

Our Momma done that and it’s cool as a cherry Popsicle for real.

For real it, Makes the peoples remembers you with a unique name

So lighten up G on the peoples names, right?

Keep it Real

Chillin on the South Side

Luscious Participle and Chlamydia – Chicago, Illinois

A: Well I have to hand it to your Mother….

She certainly did give you girls some “unique” names

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

MISSOURI: Make no mistake about it….

MO’S Tigers are for real…..

Period

FLORIDA STATE: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

OREGON: Like it or not (And I don’t) These Ducks are a real contender this year.

Believe it

NORTH DAKOTA STATE: The Mighty Bison are stampeding through the competition this year. Don’t be surprised if they win yet another National Championship.

Yes, they are that damn good.

WEST POINT: Seriously you couldn’t beat “Temple”?

No wonder third world countries think they can kick our ass after watching “Army” play football. Please, just stop.

TENNESSEE: Don’t underestimate these Volunteers; they are on their way back

(I just hope they take a detour this weekend)

LOUISVILLE:
What the Hell…….

OLE MISS: You made a believer out of me Rebels, great coaching and a great win

Congratulations

VIRGINIA: I haven’t gotten a single damn game right with you Cavaliers all year

I pick you to win and you lose

I pick you to lose and you win

I thought we got along better than that

AUBURN: As much as it pains me to say it..

These Tigers are for real, believe it

There I said it

WASHINGTON: The Huskies lost their iconic former football coach Don James who passed away this week at the age of 80 from cancer.

The Huskies will never, ever have another man quite like Coach James at Washington.

He was one of the best there ever was, period.

God Bless you Coach

THE GAMES

Tuesday October 22

Louisiana Lafayette at Arkansas State
Call this one a “prognosticators intuition”
RAJUN CAJUNS 23-7

Thursday October 24

Kentucky at Mississippi State
The Bulldog Nation isn’t worried about the Wildcat faithful traveling to this game….
They can’t drive any further South than Rupp Arena
BULLY DOGS 28-17

Delta State at Shorter
President Franklin Roosevelt had it wrong when he said…
“The Only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
(He failed to mention that we should “Fear the Okra”)
FIGHTING OKRA 34-14

Marshall at Middle Tennessee State
Although I believe the Blue Raiders will win this game….
I am going with…
WE ARE MARSHALL 31-28

Friday October 25

Boise State at Brigham Young
I know, I know….
The Cougars are favored in this game in Provo…
But I have feeling…
(I just hope that “feeling” isn’t caused by the Velveeta in my shoes)
BRONCO’S 28-21

Saturday October 26

Tennessee at Alabama
It’s the “Third Saturday In October”
It’s Cowboys verses Indians
It’s Oil and Water
It’s Republicans and Democrats
Except it’s worse
CRIMSON TIDE 24-17

Stetson at Marist
I would go with the folks from Cowboy Hat University…
But I look awful in those damn things..
RED FOXES 34-14

UCLA at Oregon
If you are looking for the “Upset” pick here….
Move on….
QUACKERS 41-21

Muhlenberg at Juniata
I don’t know about that Mule Faced Girl….
(I’m not judging her, she can’t help it)
But that J-Lo is looking mighty hot here lately..
J-LO 28-24

Citadel at Chattanooga
The Bulldogs of Citadel are playing more like miniature poodles
(My Black Lab “Doc” hates ankle snappers)
MIGHTY MOCS 34-17

Clemson at Maryland
The Mighty Tigers will bounce back against the multi-colored linoleum tiled turtles…
(Say that three times fast…)
DABO’S TIGERS 38-17

Northwestern State at Sam Houston State
Wasn’t Sam Houston the “Hero of San Jacinto”?
That’s good enough for me…
SAM’S CATS 41-14

Stanford at Oregon State
Believe it or not, this could very well be your “upset special”….
It’s going to be closer than my score here, believe it
BIRD TREE 31-17

Northern Iowa at South Dakota State
This Top 25 matchup is going to be a good one….
I am going with the Big Cats from Iowa
PANTHERS 34-31

Furman at LSU
It’s bad enough Chewbacca has to go to Death Valley….
But now they also have to face some angry Tigers
This game is going to be uglier than Prom Night at the School for the Blind
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 51-10

North Dakota State at Indiana State
Here is a perfect example of what I have been talking about when it comes to “mascots”
On one hand you have the “Bison” of North Dakota State….Now there is a mascot
Then you have the “Fighting Sycamores” of Indiana (Yeah as in a “fighting tree”)
Seriously, we are supposed to be scared of a tree?
“Run for your lives it’s a fighting tree!”
(I don’t get it)
MIGHTY BISON 41-21

Louisville at South Florida
The Bulls of Tampa spell defense….
“O’ Hell Not again”
It will be the perfect medicine for Charlie’s Redbirds
STRONGER CARDINALS 44-10

Eastern Washington at Montana
It’s going to be perfect weather in Big Sky Country for this game..
Well actually they only have two seasons in Montana
4th of July and Winter
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 31-28

North Carolina State at Florida State
If you are a fan of “Custer’s Last Stand”
Then this is your game…
JIMBO’S NOLES 136-0

Georgia Southern at Appalachian State
I hate to go against my fellow Appalachian American’s in this one…
But they have been playing like “city folk” lately…
SOUTHERN EAGLES 28-17

Vanderbilt at Texas A&M
It’s been reported that Johnny Football will not start against the Commodores
The backup quarterback for the Aggies will start in his place
He is known as “Ole What’s His Damn Name”
GIG EM AGGIES 41-24

UC Davis at Montana State
California Kid’s aren’t tough enough for the Montana weather….
Which at kickoff should be a “balmy” 30 degrees with a 30 mile an hour wind
Welcome to “Fall” In Montana
BOBCATS 31-21

Oklahoma State at Iowa State
The Cyclones will keep this one close for a little while…
But let’s face it…
A Whoopee Cushion generates more wind than the Cyclones..
COWBOY UP! 34-21

Franklin Marshal at Moravian
I still don’t get it….
What the Heck is a “Moravian”?
It kind of sounds like an infected mole
Which is disgusting
FRANK and BEANS 31-10

South Carolina at Missouri
I have gone against MO too many times this year and came up empty…
I’m now “officially” on the MO Train..
Choo Choo…
MO’S CATS 31-24

Texas Tech at Oklahoma
The Red Raiders will be undefeated no more after Saturday….
Believe it…
BOOMER SOONER 34-28

Carleton at St Olaf
This is without a doubt the Biggest Rivalry on the schedule this week
Since 1919 it’s been called the “Cereal Bowl” and it’s played for…..
(Wait for it….)
“The Goat Trophy and the Cereal Bowl Trophy”
Strangely enough “The Goat Trophy” looks eerily similar to the girl I took to my senior prom, but she always did say that she wanted to be a “model”
ST OLLIE 21-17

Wake Forest at Miami (FL)
Only one more week to the end of Hurricane season….
Then the Hurricanes will turn into a tropical depression
HURRICANES 34-14

California at Washington
In Honor of the Great Coach Don James…..
HUSKIES 41-17

North Alabama at Valdosta State
This one will be a knock down, slobber knocker until the final whistle..
Don’t leave your seat
FLORENCE LIONS 34-31

Northwestern at Iowa
Do we care?
Not in the least…..
HAWKEYES 7-6

Baylor at Kansas
You have to give Coach Charlie of the Jayhawks credit
His team has a perfect record in Big 12 competition…
Rock on Jayhawks, Rock On
DA BEARS 71-10

Carson Newman at North Greenville
I used to work with a guy that graduated from North Greenville….
He had a head like a turnip..
SPARKS EAGLES 41-24

Idaho at Ole Miss
Have you seen the Idaho Mascot?
It looks like the creepy old pedophile that works at the convenience store
REBELS 44-0

Fresno State at San Diego State
My Black Lab “Doc” said go with the Dogs on this one…
Or he wants another treat, I can’t really tell at the moment
BULLDOGS 28-14

Florida Atlantic at Auburn
These Owls are gong to get Hell Plucked out of them on the Plains…
Believe it…
WAR DAMN EAGLE 51-0

Southern Nazarene at Arkansas Monticello
Three things you might not know about the CFB Wizard….
I like Bo Diddley, Bo Jackson and……
BO WEEVILS 28-17

Utah at Southern California
Is it just me, or does the “interim” coach of the Trojans “Coach Orgeron” look like somebody shaved an Orangutan?
TROJANS 28-24

Arizona at Colorado
Last week the Buffalo’s notched a win against the Eastern Taxidermy Institute and for the record, that “win streak” ends at “One”.
ROD CATS 31-28

Nebraska at Minnesota
It’s far too close to Halloween to go against the….
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 34-17

Boston College at North Carolina
I was going to watch this game…..
But the “History of Cheese Whiz” is going to be on the Food Network…
Sorry…..
TAR HEELS 17-14

Ouachita Baptist at Arkansas Tech
I don’t know if there will be any conversions at this game….
But I do think Tech will end up in the Baptismal Pool before the game is over
GOTCHA BAPTIST 24-21

Houston at Rutgers
I wouldn’t call this an “Upset”…..
Perhaps just a case of “mild indigestion”
COUGARS 28-24

Toledo at Bowling Green
This bitter instate rivalry in the Buckeye State is played for the coveted….
“Steel Belted Radial Tire of Victory”
(Not really, but I had you going there for a minute didn’t I?)
FALCONS 34-28

Georgia Tech at Virginia
Here we go again…..
I am “officially” picking against the Cavaliers for the rest of the season
YELLOW JACKETS 28-17

Connecticut at Central Florida
The Huskies will be 21 points down before they hear “O Say Can you see…..”
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 116-0

West Virginia at Kansas State
Call me crazy, it isn’t anything I haven’t heard from Mental Health Professionals
WILDCATS 28-24

UNLV at Nevada
This instate rivalry game is played for the “Fremont Cannon”
I like a game that involves artillery and or gunfire….
It must be the Appalachian American in me..
WOLFPACK 38-17

Temple at Southern Methodist
Come On Ponies, don’t disappoint me!
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 41-21

Texas at Texas Christian
Do you really think I am going against the Longhorns after the Red River Rivalry Game?
No way say’s Jose’
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-17

Ball State at Akron
Doesn’t Terry Bowden Coach at Akron?
Yeah, that makes it easier…
CARDINALS 41-17

Pittsburgh at Navy
What the Hell Midshipmen….
What the Hell….
PANTHERS 28-21

Miami (OH) at Ohio
Coach Frank has the Bobcats poised to take the conference title…
Just like I said he would…
FRANK’S CATS 31-14

Michigan State at Illinois
Another Big Ten (or Twelve something or another) matchup
And you know what that means, yet another “rivalry” game for a “highly coveted” trophy.
This matchup is played for the “Willie Leek Memorial Trophy”
(Actually the trophy looks like an antique toilet)
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 28-24

Eastern Michigan at Northern Illinois
My two constant companions “Doc” and “Sadie” agree….
These Dogs are the real deal
HUSKIES 34-21

Troy at Western Kentucky
I wanted to go with Coach Bobby in this one, but either I have a “feeling” about this game or the Velveeta in my shoes is starting to work it’s way through my socks.
MEN OF TROY 31-28

Notre Dame at Air Force
Sometime during the course of this game you will probably hear…..
“A Weenie for the Air Force Academy is hurt….”
(And before you ask “yes” I am that easily amused)
FIHGTNING IRSIRISH 34-14

South Alabama at Texas State
Make no mistake about it, these boys from South Alabama are good….
JAGUARS 31-21

Georgia State at Louisiana Monroe
If the Boys from West Monroe don’t win this game I’m calling the Duck Commander
Don’t make me do it, because I will
WARHAWKS 44-10

North Texas at Southern Miss
I wish I had better news for my Golden Eagle faithful, but I don’t
MEAN GREEN 24-17

Penn State at Ohio State
This game might prove to be closer than you might think….
Way closer….
BUCKEYES 31-21

Abilene Christian at New Mexico State
I know what you are thinking about this game….
You think that “nobody cares”
And you would be correct….
AGGIES 24-17

Sunday October 27

Colorado State at Hawaii
I missed Coach Jim’s game last week by a mile, I won’t make the same mistake this week
RAM TOUGH 44-17

Enjoy your games…

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

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One Response to College Football Picks Week 9

  1. chew on October 25, 2013 at 10:23 am

    Once again hit the nail on the head with the UK pick. Keep up the good work.

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