Ladies and Gentlemen –
Have no fear my loyal CFB Wizard readers
There is no Government “shutdown” here…
I’m not saying it’s not possible
But traditionally the only way I “shutdown” is the morning after I hit the buffet at the Peking Palace.
Last time I was there I found a flea collar in my shrimp fried rice
That’s bad, right?
Enough about my culinary dining experiences for the moment
Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator finished Week 5 at 50 and 12 or 81%.
That leaves the CFB Wizard at 307 and 56 or holding steady at 85% for the season.
There is a lot of college football left to be played and rivalries to be renewed
So let’s not waste any more time here
Enjoy your games…
SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS
Greetings from the heart of SEC country!!!
It was a long ride back from the swamps and cypress trees of Clinch County
in South Georgia as our Gladiators were defeated in their first Region 2A
matchup by a 27-7 score. The game was nip and tuck in the first half, with
the Swamp Cats going to the locker room leading by a 6-0 score. After the
intermission the wheels on the chariot fell off for the Boys in Blue as the
Panthers let loose with an offensive explosion to send the Trojans packing
with the loss. Adding insult to injury was the fact that Senior DB/RB Rodney
Woods suffered a concussion and had to be carted off the field. Up next for
the 3-2 Trojans is a date with a bunch of wild Indians from Irwin County
who are on the warpath and trying to keep their 4-0 record unblemished. Folks,
he season ain’t over. Let’s make South 3rd loud, rowdy, unpleasant
experience for the visitors.
On Saturday night, it was a game for the ages between the hedges as Mark Richt’s rabid Dawgs took on the Bayou Bengals in a knuckle bearing, knock-down, drag-out, heavyweight slugfest. The Canines overcame diversity, losing RB Todd Gurley in the 2nd quarter to injury, and a late Yella Cat touchdown as they shooed the visitors away by a 44-41 score. Next up for the Cow College is a date with the Rocky Toppers in Knoxville in their pursuit for SEC supremacy.
Coach Paul Johnson has to be scratching his head as the Slide Rule Jocks came up on the short end of a 17-10 score on the 100th anniversary of Grant Field. Penalties, turnovers, and a severe shortage of big plays wrecked the jackets and drop them to 1-5 against the Gobblers of Va-Tech during the Paul Johnson era. The Bees now travel to South Florida
to again try to change history against The U, a team that is 4-0 against the Trade School over the last 4 years.
That swooshing noise you might have heard late Saturday was probably a collective sigh of relief as the Blue Birds of Paulson Stadium punched in a short field goal for a 23-21 win over the visiting Reptiles of Chattanooga. Jerrick McKinnon carried the mail for over 170 yards but the hero of the game was a young Freshman kicker, Younghoe Koo, who chipped in his third field goal of the game to give the home standing Eagles the win. Don’t let the name fool you, folks. Young Mr Koo was an all-around athlete in New Jersey, also splitting duties as a DB on his high school football team and winning all state honors in track. Next up for the Statesboro flock is a trip to Birmingham for a date with the Canines of Samford at Seibert Stadium in a 3 pm matchup.
What I liked this weekend
The weather: The temps are falling a little, the gnats are going into hibernation, and it’s finally football weather
Aaron Murray: He’s getting the monkey off his back
Mark Richt: See Aaron Murray
Georgia Fans: We’re winning and they’re finally being civil.. Unless you wear something other than Bulldog Red
USC AD Pat Haden: I’m not one to bad mouth people, but he finally made the right decision
My wife: I get kind of excited during the football games and she just kind of tunes it all out, talks to her mama, or goes to the store. Thanks dear.
The Telfair Trojans: We kind of got our clocks cleaned last week, but the
team, the student body, the parents, and fans are still excited and positive
That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
WEST POINT: The Black Knights of the Hudson “actually” won a football game….
And against the Bulldogs of Louisiana Tech no less
Yes, my friends
That is a sign of the coming Apocalypse
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA:As we all know by now “coach” Lame Kitten was fired in the parking lot after the Trojans loss to the Sun Devils of Arizona State.
There is a lot I could say here…..
But I have a question of my own
This gibbering idiot has gotten head coaching jobs at….
The Oakland Raiders
The University of Tennessee
The University of Southern California
He has ruined each and every program he has “coached” so here is my question
Who in the Hell is his agent and why the Hell are people still hiring this dumbass?
I am in the wrong business
LSU – GEORGIA: You two will see each other again in Atlanta, believe it
WEST VIRGINIA: My Dear Mountaineer Fans…..
If it makes you feel any better
I was so distraught by not picking you last week after you dismantled the Cowboys of Oklahoma State, that I burned my own couch.
I hope that helps
NORTH CAROLINA: Seriously, you lost to East Carolina?
I have nothing more to say
IOWA: O.k. Hawkeyes…..
We get it
You “won” a big ole bronze pig named Floyd
Now please be quite and go back down to the Big Ten or whatever cellar
OLE MISS: Just a brief word of advice for Rebel quarterback Bo Wallace
“IF” in the future you decide to trash talk an opponent please consider the following basic “Trash Talk” decision making matrix before you open your mouth….
1.Take a good look at your opponent and then ask yourself “Is this a good idea?”
2.Realize that “if” your trash talk blows up in your face, you will look like a dumbass
3.When in doubt….See rule number one
Thursday 3 October
Texas at Iowa State
I still have faith
(Not a lot, but I still have some…)
Western Kentucky at Louisiana Monroe
Before the season began I would have told you this was “the” game to watch in the Sun Belt Conference. Now, I have no idea which of the “teams” will actually show up
UCLA at Utah
O.k. so Two Utes and a drunk bear walk into a bar…..
Stop me if you’ve heard this one
Friday 4 October
Brigham Young at Utah State
Another of the seemingly endless “Battles of the Brothers”
For the coveted “Beehive Boot”….
Honestly, I would be more interested in this game if they played for “Hornet Hat”
I’m just saying…
Nevada at San Diego State
As you might imagine….
I could care less about this game
Saturday 5 October
Clemson at Syracuse
There will be so much Orange at this game it leads me to ask the question
“Orange you glad I picked the Tigers?”
(It’s corny, but it’s all I had under the circumstances…)
DABO’S TIGERS 41-10
Maryland at Florida State
Just a note for the Seminole Coaching Staff….
“It’s DE-FENSE” NOT “Throw it at Da-Fense”
JIMBO’S NOLES 31-28
Georgia at Tennessee
My Black Lab “Doc” was almost perfect with “his” picks last week….
No reason to doubt him on this one
Georgia Tech at Miami (FL)
I think the Rambling Wreck has done more Wrecking than Rambling lately
Arkansas at Florida
This game will be closer than you think….
John Hopkins at Juniata
The Johnny Hopkins I knew from Elementary School used to eat glue and paint chips
Now he has his own college?
Appalachian State at Citadel
My German Sheppard “Sadie” said to go with the Dogs in this one…
Ole Miss at Auburn
This one has all the makings of a shoot-out….
The Tigers are at home, that’s good enough for me
WAR DAMN EAGLE 34-31
Air Force at Navy
This is “the” Battle for the Commander and Chief’s Trophy
Northern Iowa at North Dakota State
The Mighty Bison are stampeding through the competition….
These Buffalo are for real…
MIGHTY BISON 31-17
Louisville at Temple
The Owls “might” win this game…..
Just like I “might” meet a deaf mute super model that owns a chain of liquor stores
Neither is very likely
STRONGER CARDINALS 49-10
Texas Tech at Kansas
The closest the Jayhawks will get to the Red Raiders is when they have the coin toss….
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 44-10
Dickenson at Franklin Marshall
I can’t respect a guy like Frank here that is wanting to pick on a woman like Emily
I bet he wears a wife beater shirt to the game…
EMILY D 28-24
Penn State at Indiana
Hoosier Daddy this Week?
JOE’S LIONS 34-14
Illinois at Nebraska
I don’t know what to think of the dyslexic Corn Kid’s anymore….
But the game is in Lincoln, So I am sticking with the Black Shirts
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 31-24
Ball State at Virginia
There is one absolute truth you can count on when I pick Virginia games….
I rarely get them right…
(But I do love their ham…)
Georgia Southern at Samford
Time for a brief interlude, commentary…
A Navy Buddy of mine (Harvey) is talking to me while I am trying diligently to get these picks out on time. He’s a great guy, but he has one annoying flaw….
He sings to the radio….
And he can’t get the damn words right…
IT’S “Secret Agent Man”, NOT “Secret Asian Man”
You would think you would have figured that out by now….
SOUTHERN EAGLES 34-17
Michigan State at Iowa
My Heads going to pop off if he keeps singing….
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 28-14
Rutgers at Southern Methodist
I cannot be held responsible for the accuracy of these picks if Harvey keeps singing…..
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 34-31
Georgia State at Alabama
Home Coming at the Capstone……
What I wouldn’t give to be at Dreamland on Friday Night….
There ain’t nothing like it…
CRIMSON TIDE 41-10
North Carolina at Virginia Tech
Good Lord Harvey…..
The song is titled….”My Eyes Adore You”….NOT…”My Eyes of Georgia”
That makes absolutely no sense, even if he is a Bulldog fan
FIGHTING TURKEYS 24-17
Susquehanna at Muhlenberg
I can’t hardly concentrate, the dogs are howling when Harvey “tries” to hit the high notes
My ears may be bleeding…
SUSIE Q 21-17
North Dakota at Idaho State
I am going for an upset on this one, because I am upset that the dogs are howling and Harvey won’t stop singing. At this point he may be doing it on purpose, I can’t tell
FIGHTING SIOUX 28-24
Army at Boston College
The Black Knights of the Hudson have the same chance of winning this game as Harvey does of getting the lyrics to a song correct.
CHESTNUT HILL EAGLES 34-17
Central Michigan at Miami (OH)
As a “Master of Distraction” I was able to disable the radio without either Doc, Sadie or Harvey noticing. It’s all a part of my highly evolved Ninja skills….
(But as a side note, I am still not sure what a Chippewa’s is….Is that a midget California Highway Patrolman on a motorcycle? We may never know)
South Alabama at Troy
This will be the best game in Alabama on Saturday….
It’s going to be a shoot-out
UTSA at Marshall
Huntington on a beautiful Autumn afternoon……
There isn’t anything quite like it….
WE ARE MARSHALL 34-21
Ouachita Baptist at Southwestern Oklahoma
When I saw this game I thought….
Maybe Harvey could use a good baptism or an exorcism or both….
I say that because he plugged the radio back in
GOTCHA BAPTIST 31-28
Ohio at Akron
This rivalry in the Buckeye state is played for the coveted….
“Nobody Cares Because We Aren’t Ohio State Trophy”
It’s a Bronze Bust of Woody Hayes
Which is cool…
FRANK’S CATS 34-31
Florida Atlantic at UAB
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it….
But I don’t give a Hoot about the Florida Owls
Kansas State at Oklahoma State
I’m not sure if the Cowboys have recovered from their pasting in Morgantown….
This one will be closer than you think and could easily go either way
COWBOY UP! 31-28
Minnesota at Michigan
Another Big Ten (or whatever) Rivalry and you know what that means….
Yet another “coveted” prize
This one is played for the “Little Brown Jug”
I am not sure if that term is referring to a container holding alcohol or
A Mexican midget stripper
North Alabama at Shorter
I just don’t believe that Shorter can measure up to the Florence Lions…
MIGHTY LIONS of FLORENCE 34-14
North Carolina State at Wake Forest
This Battle on Tobacco Road is usually a good one…
Except for this year..
Massachusetts at Bowling Green
Now it’s getting serious……
“Sweet Home Alabama” came on the radio….
I swear if Harvey screws that up I’m going to shoot him…
(Messing that song up constitutes blasphemy…..)
Rice at Tulsa
Crisis and possible murder indictment averted…..
Harvey got the words to the song correct, or most of them anyway….
PUDDING POPS 38-34
Incarnate Word at Southeastern Louisiana
What makes these people think they are the “only” people to have the Incarnate Word?
Who is their patron Saint?
LA LIONS 31-10
Northern Illinois at Kent State
I smell shoot-out here….
Or Harvey’s feet I can’t tell which…..
East Carolina at Middle Tennessee State
At this point I think “Harvey” is an American Indian name for “Nuisance”
GRRRRRR PIRATES 28-24
Washington State at California
Let’s go “two-for two” on Pirates on this one…..
MIKE’S PIRATES 31-24
Florida International House of Pancakes at Southern Miss
Even though the Boy’s from Hattiesburg haven’t had a good season thus far….
I still think they can flip the Pancakes of Florida
GOLDEN EAGLES 24-21
Central Florida at Memphis
Ever since I suggested that the Knights adopt David Hasseloff and Knight Rider as a mascot they have been almost unstoppable. To that I have two words…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 41-10
Fresno State at Idaho
While “Sadie” the German Sheppard has “encouraged” Harvey to leave….
My Black Lab “Doc” has made his pick for this game
Oregon at Colorado
The Buffalos will be two touchdowns behind before pregame warm-ups…
Carson Newman at Mars Hill
Doesn’t Mars Hill make Candy Bars?
Those M&M’s are delicious….
But it won’t help them here..
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-24
LSU at Mississippi State
Even Doc and Sadie approved of this Pick…..
When they take a Cat over a Dog in a fight, you know it’s a good one
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-10
Texas Christian at Oklahoma
The “new” Quarterback for the Horned Frogs has a head like a catfish…..
So let me say this…
If the guy throwing the football can look out of both ear holes of his helmet
Do you really want him throwing the football?
I’m just saying…
BOOMER SOONERS 28-14
Cincinnati at South Florida
The Boy’s from Tampa aren’t nearly as good as I predicted this year…
In fact they are down right lousy…
That’s No Bull
New Mexico State at New Mexico
This “big” instate rivalry in the Land of Sand, Sun and Air Force Target Ranges….
Is called “The Rio Grande Rivalry” and it’s played for the Maloof Trophy
In case you were wondering…
The “Maloof Trophy” looks like a petrified monkey paw clutching a bicycle handlebar
(Don’t ask me to explain it, I think it’s weird too)
YO-YO LOBO’S 31-17
Kentucky at South Carolina
I have some good news for Wildcat fans…..
You are favored to win the Southeastern Conference in Basketball this year…
I hope that helps
St John’s at St Olaf
When these two Saint’s square off there is always plenty of fire and brimstone….
Just for the record…..
Just so we are clear….
This comment is in no way referring to the morning results after a night of dollar margaritas and ill prepared Mexican food
ST OLLIE 24-21
Arizona State at Notre Dame
I think the FIHGITINING IRIIS are in for a rude awakening….
SUN DEVILS 28-21
Missouri at Vanderbilt
I am calling “Upset” here…….
Ohio State at Northwestern
This game will be WAY closer than you might think…..
Don’t be surprised if it’s an upset…
Florida Tech at Valdosta State
This one will be uglier than dollar corndog night at a Kenny Chesney Concert…
West Virginia at Baylor
Last week the Mountaineers knocked out the cowboys and I had to burn my own couch
I better not miss another one, I don’t have that much furniture
DA BEARS 34-31
Washington at Stanford
I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if this score goes the “other” way…
And neither should you
Sunday 6 October
San Jose State at Hawaii
This will be the best game on at 0200 Sunday Morning on ESPN 6…..
Enjoy your games…
THE CFB WIZARD