College Football Picks Week 1

August 22, 2013
By

Ladies and Gentlemen

It’s finally here folks

It’s Time for the Kickoff of the 2013 College Football Season….

To open the 2013 College Football Season I have a cornucopia (yes, I actually used that word….)

Of college football for your reading and viewing pleasure in preparation of the upcoming weekend.

Tighten those chin straps, it’s time to kickoff the college football season

Enjoy……

SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS

Hello from South Georgia!!!

Well, it’s hot, muggy, and wet down here in this part of the state. I’ve never seen this much rain in my life. Heck, even the fish are complaining that we’ve gotten too much water. The watermelons are wearing hip waders and the peanuts have put up umbrellas. But, the corn is doing well. These fields would make any Iowan jealous.

As we all know, football season is right around the corner. I just get giddy saying that. I’ll be even happier when I can say it’s in “a couple of weeks” or “a couple of days.” Down South, as you all know, the kickoff of football season is a combination of Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the 4th of July. We all get together with our “team” families, sit down for some good ole’ Southern delicacies, like boiled peanuts or pork rinds, exchange a few gifts (like a team coozie or other appropriate T-Shirt), and wait for the fireworks to begin. It usually starts on a Friday night with our hometown youngsters, progresses to Saturday with a day full of College Football, and is capped off on Sunday with the favorite NFL team. For us down here in McRae, that means some Telfair Trojans, Georgia Bulldogs, and Atlanta Falcons. Oh, and let’s not forget those Big Blue Eagles from up there at Georgia Southern.

From what I’ve heard over on South 3rd, Coach Burleson is going to build on what he started last year. After going 1 and 19 in 2010 and 2011, the new Coach brought some excitement to McRae and ended the season with a 6 win, 4 loss record and an even 3-3 record in the Region. Don’t know if I filled you in on this one or not, but we got robbed by the GHSA. Seems they told us after the FOURTH game of the season that the game against Baconton Charter wouldn’t count in the new power rankings system used to determine playoff teams because BC didn’t play a region schedule. Coach Burleson said that he wouldn’t have scheduled them if he’d have known that before the season. So, we missed the playoffs for the first time in a coons age. But have no fear. The mighty Blue will be looking to improve on last year.

Over in Statesboro, the Eagle Creek Crew will be cruising the friendly confines of Paulson Stadium for the last time as a SoCon member. They are moving up to the FBS Sunbelt conference next year, however there are consequences. Since this is their last year in the SoCon, they can’t compete in the post season and FCS National Championship. Since next year will be their first in the Sun Belt, they are ineligible for bowl consideration. But that’s perfectly fine with Coach Monken as I’m sure he and the ghosts of Erk will guide the Eagles to another fine season.

Up in Athens, the Dawgs are considered by many to be fighting and scrapping for 1st place in the East with those Columbia Pullets, who they play in week 2. But you already know that if you’re a Georgia fan, don’t you? We know that Murray is back, the offense will be stout, and that Coach Richt will have his pups ready to play. So, I’ll ask you this. Who won the Division II National Championship last year? How about this one. Who won the FCS or D-III National Championships?

Why do I ask these questions? Well, I’ll tell you. The Misses and I went to the annual Haynesworth reunion out at Little Ocmulgee State Park and I ran across a nephew of mine from Sylevester, Ga. He wasn’t big enough or fast enough to get recruited by a Bama or Georgia or even Kentucky but he was picked up by Lagrange College over in Lagrange, Ga and has thrived while playing on this Division III team.

And what does that mean to you, the readers of the College Football Wizard? I’d be willing to bet that everyone visiting this site has a friend, relative, or someone they know that toils in obscurity in the Divisions below the FBS. They work just as hard, just as long, and endure the same workout regimens as the high profile players. But while working in obscurity they bring pride to their schools. They are the Blazers of Valdosta State of Valdosta, Ga. They are the Kangaroos of Austin College in Sherman, Tx, the Diplomats of Franklin and Marshall in Lancaster, Pa, and the Fighting Okra of Delta State University of Cleveland, Ms. They play with pride and for the love of the game.

With all the above being said, and with the Wizard’s endorsement, I’m going to change things up this year. I’m going to bring you news you probably won’t see or hear unless you dig. I’m going to tell you about some of these “lower” tier schools, their players, and their programs. We pay attention with baited breath to every tidbit of information about South Carolina, Notre Dame, or Oklahoma but we know little about the small school counterparts. This is their time. And this year, this is their spot.

So bear with me, folks. I’m hoping that this will be an enjoyable ride and that you’ll appreciate the hard work and dedication of these programs from the “other side of the tracks.” There are many stories that can be told. I hope you’ll indulge me as I write about them.
Well, that’s it for now folks. Here’s hoping your favorite team wins a championship and stays healthy.

And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.

These are your future collegians of tomorrow

Until next time,

I’m Harley Haynesworth

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Dear Sir,

As I’m sure you know, the Air Force Academy has been rocked with incidents of sexual misconduct against females recently. As you also are aware, an institution as prestigious as ours has no room for such foolishness. Additionally, as you well know by now, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been repealed.

In light of these two events we here at the Academy intend to make a few changes to the athletics programs in order to instill gender equity and sexual equality awareness and tolerance.

This season, the football team will undergo a complete transformation. Some specific examples are, as follows; there will no longer be a “tight end” as that term is sexual in nature and conjures up the image of a female with a nice, firm… Well, um, you know…. Posterior region.

We will no longer allow “Hail Mary” pass plays as this is an obvious reference to religion, which is a leading cause of sexual intolerance. Cheerleaders will, from this point on, wear the camouflage utility uniform with armored vests in order that subtle sexual images are not conveyed to the cadets of the Academy.

In light of recent tragedies involving firearms, the “shotgun” formation and the “run and shoot” offense has been outlawed. Because of their possible references to drugs, the “nickel” and “dime” defensive alignments have been banned as well. In the interest of deterring animal cruelty, the “pooch punt” is hereby banned. The Cadets of Air Force will also be prohibited from participating in any activities after regulation play has ended as the term “sudden death” could bring distress to our Senior Citizen fans.

Also, in regard to senior citizens, we will no longer allow the punter to attempt to kick a ball into the “coffin corner.” In the interest of some of our mentally challenged friends, the use of “Special Teams” has been extended to include at least one special needs student on offense and defense in the interest of diversity and equality. And, finally, a “bootleg” by the quarterback will no longer be tolerated as it glorifies alcohol and nor will the term “naked bootleg” be used for obvious reason.

As you can plainly see, football has much room for transformation. This grand game doesn’t need to use derisive terms and practices to still be a lively, inclusive sport. I’m sure you will agree and assist us here at the Air Force Academy with bringing change to the world of college football.

Sincerely,

BGen Gregory J. ”Brown Noser” Lengyel
Commandant of Cadets
United States Air Force Academy

A: So as I read your letter and those of your fellow generals the past two weeks I have come to the conclusion that since you all are well on your way of destroying the American military you have turned your attention to college football and will make an attempt to ruin it too.

I have come to the conclusion that our current crop of generals are like raccoons

Why they don’t tear up, they pee on

Q: Yo, G Money, waddup???

Yea, dats rite it b yo main man fom Tigre land Cammie Cam!!!!

Or you can call me SUPURMAIN!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Look here bro I know you hate me an all specialy since we beat yaws boot-ayes dat year. But look Wizzie babby don b no hatr. I caint hep it if yo defence caint stop da SUPREMAINE!!! HAAAA!!!

An I got me a HESMAIN tRophy to go wid it yo!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Anyway, I just b layin down some 911 on ya bro. See ole Jhony Foot ball call me up an say yo dud, how you b kepin outta truble an stuff wid D NCAAA breathin down yo neck? So, Im like, you no wut?

I gotta b givin dis yung blood some good info so he can keep outta truble and keep all his ellingabilitees an stuff, no where I b comin from? So I like lay it on da line fo Jonni Mangel. I said yo look dude you just gotta frreez up an don be no snitch!!! Cauze SNITCHES BE ENIN UP IN DITCHES!!!!

I say I aint said nuthin my daddy ain said nothing and noboddy else say nothin an nothin happen cause it aint like they FIVE OH or nothin like that. What they gone do? NOT A DAM THANG IS WHAT!!! Hahahaha.

So, if you no any mo of dem young bloods wantin da headlanes on watta do wid NCAA folks, tell em to hit me up!!!

Peach OUT
CAMMY CAM “SPUERMAN” NEWTIN

A: I’m not really sure what you said, but I am elated that your Speech and Communication Degree from Auburn has come in handy…

Q: Dear Mister College Football Wizard

My life couldn’t be any better!

Yesterday I got something in the mail from my bank and they said my account was OUTSTANDING!

How cool is that because I thought I was overdrawn!

Then I got the same kind of letters from my credit card company and a bunch of others!

Dude I am OUTSTANDING! Is that awesome or what?

So anyway I am a DIE HARD Fighting ILLINI Fan! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!

And I have a question for you, I have a Dream Catcher above my bed and believe me that thing has caught some CRAZY dreams in it, if you know what I mean!

So, my question is, do I need to clean the dirty dreams out of it every once and a while or what?

Thanks man!

Jimmie “Mister Outstanding” – Joliet, Illinois

A: Jimmie, if you’re fan of the fighting pumpkins of Illinois, you don’t own a
“Dream Catcher”, that’s a “Dream Crusher”, sorry.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

GEORGIA TECH: The Yellow Jackets demonstrated this past week why the colleges in the Southeastern Conference never (ever) give a geek a stage and a microphone.

YouTube Preview Image

THE CHAMPIONSHIP SELECTION COMMITTEE: A person of noted reputation has “volunteered” his services to be on the Championship Selection Committee and that would be none other than former Tennessee Volunteer Coach Phil Fulmer.

EDITORS NOTE: That was my initial reaction too….

Fat Phil noted that his history of shady dealings, condoning player felonies and conducting secret investigations into rival schools qualifies him to be on the most powerful committee in all of college football. And don’t think that Phil is in it for the money, no way. As Fat Phil so eloquently stated on that subject “They can pay me in Bear Claws and Lard”

EDITORS NOTE: I have but two words…

Go Vowels

TENNESSEE: On the subject of all things volunteers

The folks from Big Orange Country have a “new” uniform they will wear this college football season

In case you were wondering they call that particular color “smoky gray” with just a hint of road cone orange outline on the uniform. I would have a picture of it here, but frankly it is far too nauseating, even with my strong stomach.

“Smoky Gray”

This ironically is the exact same color as the marijuana smoke emulating from the players dorm rooms

And for those of you keeping count, that adds yet another color to the ever growing “official” colors of the University of Tennessee. With this latest addition of “smoky gray” the other official colors of the University of Tennessee Volunteers are as follows:

Bright Orange

Road Cone Orange

Neon Orange

Hunters Orange

Tangerine Orange

County Road Crew Orange

Flaming Gamboges

Baboon Rectum Orange

Pumpkin Orange

Cheeto’s Weed Fingers Orange

Smoky gray

White

Cream

Black

Teal

Light Blue

THE BIG TEN: The Big Ten Conference recently decided to take the exit for common sense when they changed the names of their respective conference divisions from “leaders” and “legends” to the more appropriate and easily understandable terms of “east” and “west” divisions.

The Big Ten commissioner summed up the name change when he said…

“We had no choice but to make the change; those other names were gayer than a Cher Concert”

LOUISVILLE: Coach Strong recently “acquired” Michael Dyer to play running back for the Cardinals.Does that name sound familiar?

Auburn …..Dismissed for setting a school record for violating more university and team rules than any other previous Tiger player

Arkansas State…….Guns, Drugs and then some more guns and drugs; dismissed from the Red Wolves

Good Luck with your project Coach Strong, you’re going to need it

NCAA: The superb staff here at the CFB Wizard has identified the culprit within the NCAA that is in charge of the “Mascot Police”. You might be surprised to know that it isn’t a Native American that is charge of the program for the NCAA. On the Contrary, it is none other than a Pakistani gentleman

Asiri Prasanna Jayawardene Slobberdonka

Who prefers to be called….

“Mr. Opperdoppalas”

EDITORS NOTE: Say that three times fast….

On a recent call to Mr. Opperdoppalas, yours truly asked him why he was on such a warpath on Indian college mascots when he himself wasn’t even a Native American, he said two things before he rudely hung up on me

“You stop de call of me, cause I nobodies little spider monkey!”

When I asked him what the heck he meant by that statement when his response didn’t have anything to do with the question I asked, he responded with…….

“You want de slushie?”

NCAA PART II: Our favorite Nazi’s over in the Ivory Towers in Indianapolis are at it again….

Recently the NCAA ruled that Steven Rhodes couldn’t walk on and play football at Middle Tennessee State University in Murfreesboro Tennessee

Would you like to know why?

Steven Rhodes just finished a five year tour with the Marine Corps and during that time Sergeant Rhodes USMC on more than one occasion played in a Marine intramural flag football league.

Yep, that’s it

So the NCAA decided that Steven couldn’t walk on and play football with the big boys in college

That was until the news got out what the NCAA Nazi’s were doing to Sgt Rhodes

And then guess what?

You guessed it; they changed their story faster than a White House Spokesman

Or as the NCAA “spokes-person” attempted to explain the quick reversal

“What we had initially ruled concerning Mr. Rhodes was based upon the by-laws and rules that we constantly and consistently make up ourselves and then we had an appeal that was like an appeal but not really, if you know what I mean? The reversal of our original stance had nothing to do with the undue and unnecessary publicity concerning this minor rules infraction, nor did it have anything to do with any perceived threats by other United States Marines to “shave our heads and hang us by our genitals on the nearest light pole” if we didn’t allow Mr. Rhodes to play college football”

EDITORS NOTE: Marines can be so subtle…………..

THE GAMES

Thursday August 29

Liberty at Kent State
The first game on our schedule will feature the “Flamers” and the “Golden Flashes”
I think we just described a bunch of half naked geriatrics attending a Kenny Chesney Concert.
(Yippee)
GOLDEN FLASHES 35-10

North Carolina at South Carolina
In any battle between the North and South….
I always bet on the South….
It’s just how I roll
GAMECOCKS 34-17

Cumberland University at Tennessee Tech
I was trying to come up with something witty or funny about this game….
Here is all I came up with
“Cookeville has an Outback Steakhouse”
That’s it
O’ SO Very GOLDEN EAGLES 31-10

Presbyterian at Wake Forest
The Blue Ho’s take on the Demon Deacons in this matchup
Blue Ho’s and Demon Deacons?
Sound’s like a party at Jimmy Swaggart’s house….
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

Indiana State at Indiana
This marquee matchup in the land of Hoosiers…
(What the hell is a Hoosier anyway?)
It will feature the “Fighting Sycamore Trees” of Indiana State and the Hoosiers of Indiana.
(“Yes” I said “Fighting Sycamore Trees”…..)
HOOSIER WOODPECKERS 17-7

EDITORS NOTE: Seriously Folks…..

When was the last time you saw a “fighting tree”?

My point exactly….

UNLV at Minnesota
Two of the worse teams in all of Division I Football battling it out to determine the age old question..
“Why is this damn game being televised on Pay-Per-View?”
O’ SO Very GOLDEN GOPHERS 17-10

Tulsa at Bowling Green
Both of these teams has a shot at their respective Conference Championships this season
This is going to be a heck of a game and could easily go either way
Believe it
FALCONS 33-31

Tennessee Martin at Chattanooga
Do you know what is considered to be the “Home” of the Moon Pie?
Chattanooga, Tennessee
That’s good enough for me…
(Don’t judge me, those things are delicious)
MIGHTY MOCS 33-17

Illinois State at Ball State
If you happen to be an avid bird watcher….
(“NO” not that kind of “Bird”…)
You will enjoy this matchup
This game “features” Red Birds and Cardinals…..
(If this game was played “Down South” I would insist that they play “Free Bird” before Kickoff…)
I’m just saying….
CARDINALS 28-24

Akron at Central Florida
The Zippers or Kangaroo’s or whatever the hell they are, from Akron Ohio Invade O-Town
(Not the defunct musically challenged boy band, but the city in Florida)
Sorry, that was as interesting as I could make this game sound
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 34-21

Towson at Connecticut
I wonder if this is the same “Towson” that makes those chocolate cookies?
(I wonder if they have Elves making their cookies too….)
No wait, that’s Toll House, never mind….
HUSKIES 41-10

University of Pikeville at Morehead State
The Boy’s from Pikeville in Eastern Kentucky are tough….
But the Birds of Morehead have the Mountain Bears outmatched in this one
EAGLES 38-10

Western Carolina at Middle Tennessee State
The Carolina Catamounts will take on the Blue Raiders in Murfreesboro…
What I “almost” wrote was…
“The Carolina Cats will try to Mount the Raiders and make them Blue”
But I thought that sounded nasty….
RAIDERS of BLUE 28-17

Utah State at Utah
This “big” rivalry game opens the season in the Land of Donny and Marie….
They call this “The Battle of the Brothers” and it starts the quest for the coveted “Beehive Boot”
I don’t know how many Aggies it will take to win the game, but I know the right number for Utah
TWO UTES 28-24

Jackson State at Tulane
Although I have a feeling that the Tigers of State will make this a contest…..
I saw a Port-O-John turn over this morning so I am going with the…
GREEN WAVE 24-17

EDITORS NOTE: Call the above a prognosticator’s premonition

Ole Miss at Vanderbilt
Just for the record, I don’t consider this to be an “Upset Pick”
DOORES 24-21

Sacramento State at San Jose State
You may be asking yourself…..
“Why is this game important?”
Let me answer that one for you; It isn’t…..
SPARTANS 17-7

Rutgers at Fresno State
I would rather stare at an Ant Farm for three hours than watch this game
BULLDOGS 21-17

Southern California at Hawaii
If “Dog the Bounty Hunter” was at this game…..
He could arrest Coach Lame Kitten for “impersonating” a College Football Coach
TROJANS 41-10

Friday August 30

Morgan State at Army
This game falls into the category of “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell”
Because I have nothing good to say about it if you ask….
And you don’t really want me to tell you what I think about the Army football program
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 21-17

Western Michigan at Michigan State
The Bronco’s will get Busted in this Game…..
(You have to admit that was fairly clever)
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 41-14

Florida Atlantic at Miami (FL)
It’s perfect that the Owls of Atlantic are playing the Hurricanes
Because I don’t give a Hoot about either one of them
HURRICANES 44-10

Texas Tech at Southern Methodist
This is a tough opener for my Proud Ponies….
They will keep it interesting, for a little while, but not long enough
RED RAIDERS 34-24

Southern University at Houston
The Jaguars has one of the best Marching Bands in the country….
Their halftime show is not to be missed….
Yeah that’s about all I can say about them
COUGARS 51-10

North Dakota State at Kansas State
The Mighty Bison of North Dakota will make this a game….
Believe it
WILDCATS 31-24

Northern Arizona at Arizona
I would pick the Northern lumberjacks in this game
But I have never looked good in plaid and red suspenders
(Sorry….)
DESERT CATS 55-10

Saturday August 31

Murray State at Missouri
This contest will be closer than you might think for a quarter and a half….
Then it will be all…
MO’S TIGERS 41-17

Savannah State at Georgia Southern
The Mighty Eagles will begin their quest for another National Championship
Somebody is leaving Statesboro with a case of the Blues
EAGLES 41-21

Elon at Georgia Tech
There is one good thing I can say about this game…..
The “Varsity” drive-in is open across the street from the game….
It’s the home of the world’s greatest chili dogs and French fries
They are prepared the way the Good Lord intended them to be made
(Amen….)
YELLOW JACKETS 141-0

Panhandle at Lamar
You know those idiots from “Occupy Wall Street” made too much money with those ridiculous demonstrations when they start their own panhandling school.
The Losers…..
CARDINALS 38-14

Villanova at Boston College
In Honor of the Great Art Donovan that passed away two weeks ago….
I am going with the Boy’s from Chestnut Hill
(Don’t disappoint me Eagles)
EAGLES 34-17

Buffalo at Ohio State
Many of you have written to ask me….
“Why are the Buckeyes opening with Buffalo to start the season?”
The answer is simple….
The Midget Clown and Juggling Academy had other obligations…
BUCKEYES 98-0

Massachusetts at Wisconsin
There is one good thing I can say about Massachusetts…
Their accent is one of the best birth control devices on the planet
THE POWER OF CHEESE 52-0

William and Mary at West Virginia
I can’t believe Mary talked Bill into another ass whipping….
He has got to stay away from that homemade Virginia liquor
MOUNTAINEERS 51-6

Southern Illinois at Illinois
I would watch this “big” instate rivalry game in the Land of Lincoln
But “Schizophrenic Jeopardy” is on at the same time….
Those people are so funny when they are off their medications
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 28-17

Purdue at Cincinnati
Last year the Boilermakers were one of the worst teams in all of college football
That glorious streak continues this season….
BEARKATS 34-10

Toledo at Florida
This game is going to be uglier than Hillary Clinton in a string bikini
(Sorry for the visual…..I threw-up just a little bit writing it)
MIGHTY GATORS 44-10

Florida International House of Pancakes at Maryland
I am more of a Waffle House kind of guy……
I think the IHOP Boys will get covered, smothered and splattered in this one
FIGHTING LINOLEUM TURTLES 31-14

Louisiana Tech at North Carolina State
The Dogs of Tech will make this one closer than you think….
A Lot closer…
WOLFPACK 31-28

Rice at Texas A&M
Regardless of who plays quarterback for the Aggies in this game….
The score will be 14-0 by the time the Owls hear “And the Rockets Red Glare..”
GIG EM AGGIES 51-10

Colgate at Air Force
I had no idea the toothpaste people had their own college?
Three out of four dentists pick Colgate to win this game
MIGHTY FALCONS 41-10

Temple at Notre Dame
Another one of “those” games for the Mighty Irish end of the season Highlight reel
(Order your DVD now, and you will receive an imaginary significant other with your purchase)
GOLDEN GNOMES 53-10

Central Michigan at Michigan
Through exhaustive research by the crack staff here at the CFB Wizard…..
We have come to the conclusion that a “Chippewa’s” is actually a term used to describe an inflamed hemorrhoid, which explains why the players on that team always appear to be picking at their butts.
WOLVERINES 41-17

Penn State at Syracuse
The team from Syracuse NEW YORK is called “The Orange”
Have you ever seen an ORANGE grown in New York?
I haven’t either…
I can’t in good conscience pick a college that is composed of serial liars
JOE’S LIONS 28-24

Mississippi State at Oklahoma State
This game will be a heck of test for both teams….
It’s going to be a good one to watch
But I think the Cowboy’s will best the Bulldogs in this game.
(Sorry Bulldog Jim…)
COWBOY UP! 43-28

Brigham Young at Virginia
I would watch this game, but my macaroni art class is meeting at the same time…
This week I am putting the finishing touches on my macaroni Mount Rushmore
(I have to get out more…..)
CAVALIERS 17-14

Northern Illinois at Iowa
Honestly…..
I wouldn’t rule the Northern Huskies out in this game
HAWKEYES 24-17

Louisiana Lafayette at Arkansas
The Cajuns won’t be so Ragin by the time this one is over in beautiful Fayetteville
RAZORBACKS 38-17

North Carolina Central at Duke
Due to the excitement created by the football team at Duke, It was recently reported that Duke’s Stadium has been reconfigured to hold the expected increased of student attendance at Blue Devil football games. That section has now been configured to hold up to 24 students.
Congratulations….
BLUE DEVILS 28-14

Nicholls State at Oregon
Soooooooooooooooooo Ducks….
You claim to be a top tier program and you schedule “this” to open the season….
Still smarting after that LSU Tiger whipping a couple of years ago?
QUACKS 126-0

Alabama at Virginia Tech
This game is in Atlanta, and it’s a long way from the Beach….
But it’s still High Tide
CRIMSON TIDE 34-17

Eastern Washington at Oregon State
I think this game will be uglier than a Chia Pet with a bikini wax…
(Sorry, I don’t where that one came from)
MIGHTY BEAVERS 38-14

Charleston Southern at Citadel
This intercity rivalry in Chuck Town is going to the Dogs
BULLDOGS 28-14

Howard at Eastern Michigan
I don’t know what Howie was thinking when he scheduled this game
But I know he’s in for an ass whipping
EAGLES 41-10

Austin Peay at Tennessee
I wonder……
If the students from Austin Peay State yell “GO PEAY!” during the games….
I think it’s a legitimate question
VOWELS 44-10

Washington State at Auburn
The Cougars will be declawed on the Plains, and it won’t be pretty
WAR DAMN EAGLES 41-17

McNeese State at South Florida
The Boys from Tampa have a new coach and a new attitude
They will be way better than you might think this year and that’s….
NO BULL 34-14

Kentucky at Western Kentucky
This Bluegrass matchup will be played in Nashville “Music City” Tennessee
Last season the Wildcats took it on the chin in Lexington and it was ugly
(And I’m not just talking about the behavior of the Wildcat fans here either…)
This one won’t be as close as last year, but it will sure be uglier
HILLTOPPERS 31-17

Old Dominion at East Carolina
I wonder if there is a college named “New” Dominion
I’m just asking….
PIRATES 34-14

Virginia Military Academy at Richmond
I haven’t gotten this rivalry of sorts correct in a number of years.
That being said, I am probably wrong again this year too.
SPIDERMEN 24-14

Louisiana Monroe at Oklahoma
The Boy’s from Monroe are outmatched in this one….
But they will keep it closer than you might think, at least for a quarter or so….
BOOMER SOONERS 41-21

Idaho at North Texas
Have you seen the foam rubber mascot “Joe Vandal” of the Idaho football team?
He looks like a creepy old pedophile; the only thing missing on his costume is an ankle tracker
MEAN GREEN 38-14

Miami (Ohio) at Marshall
You can call this one a “upset” if you want…..
But I believe the Thundering Herd is back
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-24

Arkansas Pine Bluff at Arkansas State
The only thing I know about Pine Bluff Arkansas is that they have a murder rate higher than Detroit
Plan your vacation now!
(But bring a bullet proof vest)
RED WOLVES 28-17

Texas State at Southern Miss
First game of the season in beautiful Hattiesburg Mississippi
I can almost smell the Barbeque smoking from here….
GOLDEN EAGLES 33-10

Appalachian State at Montana
This game will match two titans of the game……
If this one isn’t televised, it should be
THE GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 34-31

UAB at Troy
Some might call this a mild upset….
But I can’t really pull for the Blazer’s since they ditched the “Men’s Warehouse” sponsorship.
THE MEN OF TROY 24-21

Wofford at Baylor
I am still baffled why someone would name a college after a pesky cough
What’s next, Tuberculoses Tech?
That’s just ridiculous
DA BEARS 55-10

Northern Iowa at Iowa State
The Cyclones will win this one over the Panthers, but not by much…
I was going to say “By the hair of their chinny chin chin”
But I didn’t want to get another complaint from the Asian community
CYCLONES 28-24

Wyoming at Nebraska
This game will be uglier than Prom Night at the School for the Blind
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 51-10

UTSA at New Mexico
What the heck is the United States Tennis Association doing fielding a football team?
They are going to get skinned up playing in those little goofy shorts and stupid headbands.
HOBO’S LOBO’S 28-10

Georgia at Clemson
This game is one that you can’t miss
It’s going to be too close to call, and can easily go either way
Believe it
DAWGS 31-28

New Mexico State at Texas
Lasso Larry will wish he would have brought something stronger than a stupid foam rubber lasso to this Longhorn stampede
HOOK EM 38-16

LSU at Texas Christian
Most prognosticators are picking the Horned Frogs in this early season contest in Dallas Texas.
But in case you didn’t know by now, I don’t follow the “most” prognosticators format.
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-17

Nevada at UCLA
It’s a shame that I won’t be able to watch this “big” game in Los Angeles
Because after all it will be the best game on television on ESPN 3 at One O’clock in the morning
BRUIN BEARS 38-21

Boise State at Washington
This game could easily go either way, but I will go with the sentimental favorite in this one…
BRONCO’S 31-28

Northwestern at California
I really don’t care and neither should you….
DA BEARS 6-3

Sunday September 1

Ohio at Louisville
Frank’s Cats are tough..(Real Tough)
But Charlie’s Cardinals are on a run to an undefeated season
Believe it
STRONGER CARDINALS 34-21

Colorado at Colorado State
This game is called “The Rocky Mountain Showdown”
It’s played for the coveted “Centennial Cup”
It is always a barn burner, and this one will be no exception.
RAM TOUGH 33-31

Monday September 2

Florida State at Pittsburgh
If this football game was a boxing match….
The referee’s would stop the game before halftime….
JIMBO’S NOLES 44-14

Next week I will have a couple of “surprises” just to keep you motivated up until kickoff

So Stay tuned there is a lot more on the way….

Enjoy your games

RTR

THE CFB WIZARD

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