Ladies and Gentlemen –
I am writing this week’s picks as I wait to pick up my “new” liver from Wal Mart.
After the last two weeks frankly I am surprised I have made it this far..
I just hope I don’t get another chimpanzee liver, like last time…
For two weeks all I did was smell my fingers and climb trees
And I may have thrown poop at my neighbors, I really can’t talk about it
Enjoy your Picks….
POST GAME COMMENTARY
Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a rather dismal 58 and 17 or 77 % for Week 11. That leaves the CFB Wizard at 615 and 160 or 79% for the season.
Don’t despair my dear readers…..
There are worse things….
The guy in front of me just got a liver that said “Made in “Pakistan”
He ran out of Wal Mart screaming in search of fireworks that I can only assume he will attach to his butt and attempt to detonate in the K Mart parking lot.
I hate to lose my place in line, but I would like to see that myself
Wednesday November 14th
Ohio at Ball State
This new liver has given me powers to see into the future….
It’s kind of crazy…
Toledo at Northern Illinois
It’s a shame that these powers to see into the future are limited to college football prognostication.
Thursday November 15th
North Carolina at Virginia
I don’t mean to be so cavalier about this pick….
It’s just that I don’t care
Friday November 16th
Florida Atlantic at Florida International
One last word this season on this team from Florida….
Just because you are located close to the airport and have an IHOP across from campus…
Doesn’t make you “International”
Hawaii at Air Force
The boys from the Air Force Academy better be glad Dog the Bounty Hunter isn’t playing….
I once saw him eat an entire F-16 and then poop lightening bolts…
I saw it on the Discovery Channel
Saturday November 17th
Stanford at Oregon
The game is like watching two Islamic terrorist fight each other
You want them both to lose…
Florida State at Maryland
The Seminoles will be momentarily overcome with dyslexia and vomiting from seeing the Maryland Terrapins “new” butt ugly uniforms, but then they will make “turtle soup” out of them
JIMBO’S NOLES 44-17
Yale at Harvard
This is the Biggest game of the year in the Ivy League
And you guessed it…
Nobody gives a crap
Montana at Montana State
This is game of the year in Big Sky Country…
The Battle of the Great Divide
It pains me to write this…
North Carolina State at Clemson
This Wolfpack are playing like a herd of tea cup poodles
DABO’S TIGERS 44-17
Southern California at UCLA
This “big” game in the land of gangs, outrageous taxes and diversity run amuck…
Is played for the “Victory Bell”….
If you ask me I would say it looks a like a hookah pipe
Washington State at Arizona State
I think Coach Mike’s Cougars are stuck in the litter box
SUN DEVILS 41-17
Duke at Georgia Tech
I NEVER thought I would be making this pick…
BLUE DEVILS 41-28
Virginia Tech at Boston College
It’s almost Thanksgiving, it’s a law that I pick Tech
Sorry…It’s a sponsorship thing
BUTTER BALL TURKEYS 28-17
Arizona at Utah
The Two Utes couldn’t Ute their way out of a wet paper bag
South Florida at Miami (OH)
I haven’t been able to accurately pick these two teams all year…
It wouldn’t surprise me if I miss this one by a mile either way
Rutgers at Cincinnati
I said it….
Northwestern at Michigan State
The wildcats have wined all year about this and that…
GO TELL THE SPARTANS 31-24
Iowa at Michigan
Since the Hawkeyes suddenly developed amnesia this year and completely “forgot” how to run the football, this one will be ALL Maze and Blue…
Kent State at Bowling Green
Have you seen the quarterback for the Falcons?
That boy has got a head like a turnip
GOLDEN FLASHES 28-17
Central Florida at Tulsa
This game features….
“Golden Knights” and “Golden Hurricanes”
Sounds like a party at Kenny Chesney’s house….
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 41-24
Indiana at Penn State
The Hoosiers have been a surprise this year
The surprise is over…
NITTANY LIONS 31-24
Houston at Marshall
November 14th was this past week…
I will be crushed if the Herd doesn’t win this game…
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-17
Temple at Army
Don’t ask me why I am making this pick….
It might be caused by new Chimpanzee liver….
(My fingers smell funny)
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 31-28
Western Carolina at Alabama
When Elephants get angry they have a tendency to stampede and hurt things…
CRIMSON TIDE 44-10
Arkansas at Mississippi State
Believe it or not…..
I think this game could go either way…
BULLY DOGS 34-24
Jacksonville State at Florida
This game is going to be uglier than Maryland’s “new” uniforms…..
That’s really saying something
MIGHTY GATORS 44-10
Wofford at South Carolina
It baffles me why someone would name a college after a pesky cough….
Don’t they know it’s the cold and flu season?
Georgia Southern at Georgia
It’s been a while since I saw a Bulldog pluck a bird…
This won’t be pretty
Washington at Colorado
The buffalos have a legitimate chance to win this game….
If the Huskies don’t make the game due to weather or there is a sudden zombie apocalypse
Neither is very likely…
Alabama A&M at Auburn
The Tigers warm up game before the Iron Bowl….
Enjoy it while it lasts…
WAR DAMN EAGLES 41-10
Wake Forest at Notre Dame
This a marquee game..
GOLDEN GNOMES 44-10
Ole Miss at LSU
There is a stark difference between these two universities…
Ole Miss has a foam rubber black bear mascot even though they are called the “rebels”…
The Tigers have a BIG LIVE Bengal TIGER as a mascot
(What I wouldn’t give to see Mike the Tiger eat that foam rubber black bear mascot)
HEY FIGHTN TIGERS 38-14
Sam Houston State at Texas A&M
The Aggies Gigged me last week…..
I won’t make the same mistake this week
GIG EM AGGIES 54-21
Minnesota at Nebraska
I have picked against the Huskers two weeks in a row and lost….
I get the message….
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 34-24
Texas Tech at Oklahoma State
That ninety to nothing win at the beginning of the season for the cowboys…
Seems like a distant memory now…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 31-28
Middle Tennessee at South Alabama
My jaguars of Mobile will keep it close for a while, but the Raiders are too strong
BLUE RAIDERS 44-21
Colorado State at Boise State
I wish I could pick Coach Jim’s Rams in this one….
Maybe next year….
Nevada at New Mexico
I was going to pick the Lobo’s on the Down Low, but I didn’t want to Yo-Yo
(I can do this all day)
Southern Methodist at Rice
I don’t believe in “instant rice”….
But I hope the Mustangs microwave the Owls….
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 38-17
Ohio State at Wisconsin
The Buckeyes have a had a history of trouble playing in Madison…
This one will be close….
Purdue at Illinois
This game will be like watching two homeless guys fighting over a sandwich…
At first it’s kind of funny….
Then it’s just sad
Texas State at Navy
The Midshipmen has made a damn goat out of me for three weeks in a row….
If they make it “4” the Popeye jokes are coming out, I’m just saying
Arkansas State at Troy
The Men of Troy will battle to the end…..
But this one belongs to ….
RED WOLVES 34-31
East Carolina at Tulane
The “Green Wave” is nothing more than a translucent trickle….
Utah State at Louisiana Tech
The closest you will come to seeing a shootout like this…..
Will be the failed liquor store robbery on the nightly news..
North Texas at Louisiana Monroe
The “once” Invincible Warhawks have stumbled after defeating Western Kentucky…
They will rebound this week…
But not by much
Wyoming at UNLV
My Hero’s have always Been Cowboy’s…..
COWBOY UP! 24-14
Oklahoma at West Virginia
The Mountaineer fans might want to hold off torching those couches for another week…
I’m just saying,…
BOOMER SOONERS 38-24
Syracuse at Missouri
Mo knows how to squeeze an Orange…..
MO’S TIGERS 34-17
Tennessee at Vanderbilt
I can’t believe I am actually writing this one….
Western Kentucky at Louisiana Lafayette
This game is going to be a slugfest until the final whistle….
It can easily go either way….
RAJUN CAJUNS 31-28
Iowa State at Kansas
Last week Kansas Coach Charlie Weis “replaced” his starting quarterback…
By “replaced” I mean he ate him……
Samford at Kentucky
The Wildcats double their season win total with this game…
JOKING CATS 28-17
Kansas State at Baylor
Da Bears will be Da Done before the first quarter is da over
Texas El Paso at Southern Miss
At the beginning of the season….
I never thought I would be picking the miners in this game….
California at Oregon State
The Beavers will bounce back this week….
Or my name isn’t Jerry Mathers
MIGHTY BEAVERS 38-24
Brigham Young at San Jose State
Did you know that “San Jose” in Spanish is….
My picks are entertaining and educational
Enjoy your games…
THE CFB WIZARD