Hey Yawl !
It’s the number Damn One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet!
It’s Hootie “By God” Snitch from Baneberry Tennessee
The Heart of Big Orange Country!
I ain’t got time to talk about My Volunteers of Tennessee right now…
I need to tell yawl something..
It might save your life!
I was a going last night to a Halloween party down at the Baneberry Farmer’s Co-op with my wife (the former Miss Thelma Stroderback, the famous hand model in all them East Tennessee Tractor Supply and Fertilizer Store advertisements)
Well let me tell you….
Thelma said she was a going to the party as one of them female pirates and I thought that was a good idea, Cause I knew she was a going to look hotter than a stolen shotgun
So I says I think that’s a damn good idea, cause I was a going as myself since I’m already a damn legend around Volunteer Country
But let me a tell you something; that Thelma couldn’t find nothing to use for an eye patch
So guess what she went and done?
Thelma used her one of them big ole Birth Control patches for an eye patch
Well Hell that just ruined it
I couldn’t get excited about it cause she looked like damn Johnny Depp if he gained a bunch of weight
And I made the mistake of a telling her so when she asked how she looked before we was a going to leave for the party (Yeah I done it)
Well don’t you know, she squared off right then and there and ask me “If I needed a reality check?”
Now yawl is going to think I was being a smartass but I wasn’t…
So I said…
“I would like to have one of them, where do I sign up and when will it come in the mail?”
That’s the last thing I remembered until I heard her come back home from the party
I tell you I got a punk knot on my forehead big enough to hang a hat from this morning
Talk about your Tricks and no damn Treats
I got me a headache like I was a Butt Chugging Jack Daniels
So let me tell yawl out there…
If your gal asks you a something about the way she looks….
LIE Like Hell if you have too!
It beats having a big damn knot on your head.
I got to run now Miss Thelma is a hollering for me and she is still madder than hell
Hootie – Out!