Ladies and Gentlemen –
This week I am doing a Willie Nelson….
“No” I am NOT riding around in a multi-million dollar tour bus smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos and writing country songs. I am “On the Road” again, of sorts so forgive me in advance if the picks appear to be disjointed.
Which by using the term “disjointed” I was in no way referencing smoking marijuana.
Most of you would probably agree however that I’m more of a Waylon guy….
I’ve Always Been Crazy….
Enjoy your Picks….
POST GAME WRAP-UP
Week 7 of the 2012 College Football Season…..
Was anything but “Lucky 7” for Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator.
Before you bring it up, I know that I missed the Texas Tech – West Virginia game by a country mile and a half (or More) and I don’t EVEN want to talk about the Red River Rivalry (That subject is closed)
I know that for the first time since they started playing football in Big Sky Country all the teams in Montana and North Dakota lost on the same weekend. Who would have thought that was going to happen?
My beloved Mustangs of Southern Methodist played like Amish against Tulane
Even St Olaf lost, can you believe it and he’s a Saint!
Sure I could make excuses as to my poor showing last week….
Which by the way was a pitiful 41 and 18 or 69% and after seven full weeks of college football the CFB Wizard is 403 and 98 or 80% so far in the season.
But rather than spend any time explaining my poor performance last week
I would rather provide my Top Three Favorite Excuses, than can be used in almost any situation.
1. The Sun was in my eyes….
2. I had a rock in my shoe…
3. I don’t play well on artificial turf….
Feel free to use any of them at your discretion
MUSIC VIDEO OF THE WEEK
A Tennessee Buddy of mine said it best…..
“You haven’t really made it until they write a song about you”
Tuesday October 16th
Louisiana Lafayette at North Texas
I have never been more certain about anything in my life…
Trust me on this one…
MEAN GREEN 30-23
Thursday October 18th
Houston at Southern Methodist
My once proud ponies…..
I am begging you please
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-24
Oregon at Arizona State
I have been “accused” of never saying anything good about the Oregon Ducks
Let me correct this perceived slight….
Thanks to the University of Maryland the Oregon Ducks no longer have the ugliest uniforms in all of college football; they now have the second ugliest.
North Alabama at West Georgia
The Lions bounce back from last week’s loss to Roar in West Georgia
FLORENCE LIONS 34-24
Friday October 19th
Connecticut at Syracuse
After the Huskies got spanked last week by of all teams…..
The Temple Owls…(Yes, I said Temple)
I have to go with my favorite flavored powdered Tang
Susquehanna at Ursinus
I continue to be baffled why someone would name their college after a Urinary Sinus Infection
I guess that’s a little better than naming your college Hemorrhoid University
But not by much…
SUSIE Q 28-24
Saturday October 20th
Alabama at Tennessee
This rivalry Game is called “The Third Saturday in October”
This is the College Football equivalent of….
Cowboys and Indians
Republicans and Democrats
Oil and Water
Except its worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24
South Carolina at Florida
If you enjoy watching a man in his late sixties pitch a temper tantrum and throw his visor…
Then you can either go to a Wal-Mart near a retirement community or watch this game..
Either way, it’s entertaining
MIGHTY GATORS 28 -17
Purdue at Ohio State
The Buckeyes keep rolling and the Boilermakers keep, well, not rolling….
LSU at Texas A&M
These two teams first played each other in 1899…..
In all that time, they haven’t grown very fond of each other
In fact they dislike each other intensely.
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 31-17
Baylor at Texas
Damn it Longhorns…….
Michigan State at Michigan
They call this biter instate rivalry “The Sibling Rivalry” and it’s played for the coveted…
“Paul Bunyan Trophy”
(I wonder who gets the Big Blue Ox?)
Howard Payne at East Texas Baptist
You may be asking yourself…..
“What’s the difference between an East Texas Baptist and other Baptist?”
The answer is simple….
There is always BBQ and firearms available after Baptist services in East Texas….
BBQ BAPTIST 24-20
Florida Atlantic at South Alabama
The Mobile Jaguars aren’t “there” yet….
But they are getting closer..
Nebraska at Northwestern
It’s getting to close to Halloween for me to ignore….
THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN 38-17
Georgia Southern at Furman
The Harry Man or Furry Man, whatever he is calling himself these days….
Will keep this one close for a little while then it will be all Eagles….
SOUTHERN EAGLES 34-31
Iowa State at Oklahoma State
The Cowboys better keep an eye on the Cyclones…..
They can whip up an “upset” quicker than Bill Clinton can lie
(Yeah, I said it…)
COWBOY UP! 31-23
Texas Tech at Texas Christian
The Horned Frogs upset the Bears from Baylor last week….
And the Red Raiders DESTROYED the Mountaineers of West Virginia…
This is going to be a good one, hang on to your seat
GET THOSE GUNS UP! RED RAIDERS! 34-24
Virginia Tech at Clemson
I have come to the stark realization….
That the “Hokey Pokey” is NOT what it’s all about…
My Elementary School Gym Teacher was a liar….
DABO’S TIGERS 38-17
Rutgers at Temple
Not that it matters here….
But I think “Reality Television” has finally scraped the bottom of the barrel
The other day I saw a program entitled “Ethiopian Hoarders”
It showed an Ethiopian guy holding a Styrofoam cup with a napkin stuck in it….
That is going too far….
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 28-14
Bowling Green at Massachusetts
I would watch this game….
But the fine folks from UPS just delivered my “new” Sea Monkey aquarium
You do know that Sea Monkeys are natures perfect animal, right?
I thought so
Minnesota at Wisconsin
This Old Rivalry in the North Woods is played each year for “Paul Bunyan’s Ax”
I think the Gophers will get the Ax before the 2nd quarter is over….
If you know what I mean…
CHEESE WEDGE 31-17
Northern Illinois at Akron
Way off the subject of this game….
I got a “questionnaire” from the Government the other day that asked…
(Among other things….)
So I wrote beneath it….
“I am a Happy Heterosexual who occasionally eats at Taco Bell.”
EDITORS NOTE: You must admit….
it takes some skill to make a sentence out of those three choices
Marist at Drake
I know, I know….
Drake is heavily favored in this game….
But that Marist is a real Fox…
RED FOX 24-21
Auburn at Vanderbilt
I can’t believe I am actually writing this….
Wake Forest at Virginia
I wouldn’t go so far as to call this one an “upset”
But the Cavaliers certainly won’t be too happy about it
DEMON DEACONS 24-21
Army at Eastern Michigan
This will be a landmark occasion…
I pick Army to win and they actually win….
BLACK KNIGHTS OF THE HUDSON 38-24
Montana at North Dakota
This rivalry in the Big Sky Country doesn’t have a catchy name….
It’s just hate and lot’s of it…
Juniata at Muhlenberg
J-Lo just doesn’t have the same fight in her since she lost all that weight
Damn that Richard Simmons
Stanford at California
The Tree got a bad call at the Home of the Golden Gnomes last week..
It cost them the game…..
The Tree will bring the Wood to the Bears on Saturday
Boston College at Georgia Tech
I can’t tell if Tech is Rambling or Wrecking….
This one is a tossup…..
YELLOW JACKETS 33-24
Samford at Chattanooga
The Boys from Choo-Choo Town are picking up steam….
But this team from the Iron City is for real this year
SAMMY FORD 34-17
New Mexico State at Utah State
I’m afraid Lasso Larry will be tied up in knots before this one is over
Brigham Young at Notre Dame
I can’t believe I am actually picking the Gnomes….
I have clearly lost my damn mind
GOLDEN GNOMES 31-17
South Florida at Louisville
The Boys from Tampa aren’t the same team they have been the past few years…
And that’s No Bull……
STRONGER CARDINALS 34-21
Moravian at Franklin & Marshall
I can’t in good conscience pick an institution of higher learning called the “Morons”…
FRANK and BEANS 24-17
UNLV at Boise State
The Rebels haven’t been “running” too much this season….
In fact I think they could be outrun by a senior citizen on a Rascal Scooter…
North Carolina State at Maryland
I don’t know if I have mentioned it lately….
But the University of Maryland has the most nauseating uniforms in all of college football
Seriously; they are butt ass ugly….
Rice at Tulsa
This Rice gets cooked faster than Uncle Ben’s….
GOLDEN HURRICANES 34-10
Pittsburgh at Buffalo
I heard that some Pizza Companies are now offering “Buffalo Pizza’s”….
I have no idea how they get an animal that size on a pizza…
(I have to get out more…)
Ball State at Central Michigan
Slightly off the subject of this game…..
Someone asked me recently…
“What was my impression of seeing Wynonna Judd on television recently?”
I told them…
“From the rear it looked like about ten thousand dollars worth of hail damage”
(What? Now you don’t want me to be honest?)
Western Michigan at Kent State
Legendary Coach Bobby Bowden of Florida State was reported to have ordered an entire season of “Highlight’s of the Golden Flashes” but sent them back when he realized they were not the companion videos to “Golden Girls Gone Wild”
GOLDEN FLASHES 38-34
Indiana at Navy
I don’t know if I would go as far as to call this an “Upset Special”….
I would just say..
St Olaf at Carleton
This is the rivalry of all rivalries in Division III College Football…
It’s called “The Cereal Bowl”
It’s played for the highly coveted “Cereal Bowl Trophy” and…..
(Wait for it…)
“The Goat Trophy”
Who doesn’t want a Goat Trophy?
ST OLIES 27-21
Louisiana Monroe at Western Kentucky
This game is for ALL the marbles in the Sun Belt Conference….
It’s going to be one heck of a game….
Colorado at Southern California
The Buffalos “might” win this game and I “might” win the lottery….
Since the Buffalos don’t play football and I don’t play the lottery, neither is very likely
LAME TROJANS 141-3
Kansas State at West Virginia
Fortunately for the fine folks in West Virginia….
They are accustomed to shoot-outs….
However this one has nothing to do with homemade liquor
North Dakota State at South Dakota
This cross state rivalry is as intense as any across the country…..
It’s going to be a fight until the final whistle blows..
MIGHTY BISON 28-24
Kansas at Oklahoma
It was reported last week that Jayhawks Coach, Charlie Weis had “threatened” the editor of the Kansas student newspaper for writing unflattering articles over the coach’s play calling. There is no word yet however, if Coach Charlie intends to go through with his threat to actually “eat” the young editor.
More news on this subject as it develops or digests as it were….
BOOMER SOONERS 41-17
Georgia at Kentucky
Don’t worry Big Blue Kentucky Fans……
Your “streak” will remain intact this weekend
HUNKER DOWN BIG DAWGS 206-3
Carson Newman at North Carolina Pembroke
Coach Sparks Eagles are on a winning streak….
And frankly “Pembroke” sounds a little too uppity for me…..
SPARK’S EAGLES 41-34
Middle Tennessee State at Mississippi State
The Blue Raiders are a dangerous team this season….
But they will get the back of their britches torn out by a pack of angry Bulldogs
BULLY DOGS 31-17
Cincinnati at Toledo
Have you seen the Toledo mascot “Rocky and his female sidekick Rocksy Rocket”?
Let me save you some time looking it up…
They look like two Teletubbies that spent a weekend Butt Chugging…..
(You didn’t really think I was going to do the entire picks without one reference to that, did you?)
Idaho at Louisiana Tech
The Bulldogs came within a Bark and Woof of upsetting the Aggies of Texas A&M….
They will tree the Ida-Honkeys this week
East Carolina at UAB
BREAKING NEWS! Negotiations are underway to host the UAB Blazers and the University of Kentucky Wildcats in the “first” ever the Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Bowl, due in large part because both teams suck.
Delta State at Valdosta State
I know the Boys from Valdosta beat my beloved Florence Lions last week….
But it’s not “just” Okra Season….
It’s FIGHTING Okra Season….
FIGHTN’ OKRA 33-31
North Carolina at Duke
This old rivalry on Tobacco Road is played for the “Victory Bell”
I call this an “Upset”
BLUE DEVILS 33-31
New Mexico at Air Force
The Air Force has too many bombing ranges in New Mexico not to pick them..
Marshall at Southern Miss
It pains me to write this for my Beloved Golden Eagle faithful….
THUNDERING HERD 33-21
Florida State at Miami (FL)
This bitter rivalry in the Sunshine state is played each year for the coveted prize of…
A set of Gold Crunk Teeth, a large gold plated zodiac medallion and a CD of “2 Live Crew”
I like to think of it as a “Mister T starter kit”
JIMBO’S NOLES 44-14
Central Florida at Memphis
There is one thing you can’t take away from Memphis…..
It will always be the home of Graceland….
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 38-10
Penn State at Iowa
I am still a believer……
NITTANY LIONS 24-17
Tulane at Texas El Paso
The Green Wave evaporates in the Texas Heat of El Paso….
Washington at Arizona
I don’t really care, I am just waiting to make the Oregon State Beaver pick…
Utah at Oregon State
The only way the Two Utes are going to slow the Beavers down…..
Is to follow them to In-N-Out Burger after the game….
They take their time to order going through the drive thru…
MIGHTY BEAVERS 34-24
Wyoming at Fresno State
This game will be a lot closer than the experts think….
Not that it really matters….
San Diego State at Nevada
If you are still up to watch this game then you didn’t tailgate properly during the earlier games…
I’m just saying….
Enjoy your games…
THE CFB WIZARD