Hey Yawl!
It’s Hootie Snitch!
The Number Damn One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the Planet!
Coming at you from the Heart of Volunteer Country in Baneberry Tennessee!
I ain’t been a writing cause I’ve been busier than a dog with two tails to chase.
I done finished up a “Christmas Special” for Dollywood called…
“Who Let the Clogs Out”
And….
I still got “Scooter’s” Bar and Grill in Baneberry and some more stuff I will tell you about later.
But we got to talk serious…..
Cause I am here to bring you the State of the Big Orange Nation Address
State of the Big Orange
If you ain’t a Tennessee Volunteer and if you and your babies don’t drool Orange then you might as well as a stop reading, cause this is all about the Big Orange Nation.
Now I know that we Vols ain’t been winning like we was when the Greatest Coach to ever win a Hot Dog Eating Contest Coach Phillip Fulmer stomped the sidelines, but that damn Lame Kitten done screwed us up when he was here and we is paying the price for that mistake.
Just look at this damn picture…..
You can tell Lame and them two idiots next to him ain’t seen the ball since kickoff.
Lame Kitten didn’t belong in Tennessee anymore than Mike Tyson belongs on “Celebrity Jeopardy” and he recruited some boys that were so dumb….
They couldn’t even spell football if you spotted them the “O’s” and the “L’s”.
I mean how damn dumb do you have to be to rob somebody in broad daylight wearing your Tennessee Vol’s practice uniform? At least Coach Fulmer had the good sense to tell them boys to wear a ski mask.
And that damn Athletic Director we had Mike Hamilton, I could have told you not to trust that goober pea. Never trust a man that looks like a Possum. Every time I seen him on the television he was always acting like he was a hunting a sweet potato, know what I mean?
We now got everything in place; we got us a good football coach and a good athletic director.
Remember, Rome Georgia wasn’t built in a day.
And let me tell, we just ain’t been bit by the “injury bug” this year, it’s been a damn plague.
It’s been so damn bad…..
Coach Dooley had to call some fraternity houses on campus last week to get a damn kicker.
So we Vols have had our selves a mountain to climb this year.
But let me tell you something and listen good.
Although me and that damn CFB Wizard don’t see eye to eye on the college football…
Or anything else for that matter.
I got to admit that ole boy is right about one thing.
We ain’t had no arrests this year of any Tennessee football players, not one.
I can’t remember the last time we didn’t have something going on with the Knoxville PD, the Knoxville Fire Department, the Tennessee Highway Patrol, DEA, ATF or the Coast Guard.
Can you?
Which goes to show you that Coach Dooley ain’t putting up with that kind of foolishness.
And I for one am glad and you should be too.
So let’s be patient Big Orange Fans
And let me say a few more things, about yawl that is frustrated and raising ten kinds of Hell about this football season getting liquored up in “Scooter’s” which is my Bar in Grill right here in Baneberry Tennessee.
Show your Tennessee Volunteer Big Orange Spirit!
To show my Volunteer Pride me and my bride (The former Miss Thelma Stroderback who is a hand model for the East Tennessee Tractor Supply and Fertilizer Store, jealous?) went and done decorated our house, hell yeah we done it! And we went whole Hog; we matched the truck with the house, that’s cool as hell ain’t it?
I will tell you something else. The Coaches we got now ain’t just cleaning up the football program, they is cleaning up the football players too.
Don’t you start a laughing about this neither, have you ever been around some ole sweating fellow that’s been a working and a sweating all day? It smells like my Mother-in-laws Tuna Noodle Helper Spam Loaf Casserole, which she is supposed to bring over for Thanksgiving this year.
I could damn near throw up just a thinking about it.
So let’s get behind the Big Orange this year Volunteer Fans, there is plenty of football left to be played and if we win the rest of the games we is going Bowling!
It’s like the sign in the Volunteer locker room says….
BELIEVE IT!
GO VOLS!
Hootie-Out!