Ladies and Gentlemen –
Last Week (Week 5 if you are keeping count and I know you are) was the equivalent of Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator stepping on a rake and getting smacked in the jimmy.
Last week I was a disappointing 46 and 21 or 69%.
I know, I can hardly believe it myself
That leaves Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator at 300 and 66 or 82% for the season.
But my lack of productivity last week gives me the opportunity to share with you my Top Three Favorite Excuses on why I didn’t perform up to par in Week 5….
1. The Sun was in my eyes
2. I had a rock in my shoe
3. I don’t play well on artificial turf
Enjoy your Picks….
HIGH SCHOOL PLAYER OF THE WEEK
This Week’s High School player(s) of the week:
The Summerville High School Green Wave is a powerhouse football team in the Charleston, S.C. area. The West Ashley Wildcats are relatively new to the Low Country football scene as it has only been in existence since 2000. However, the newcomers took on the tried and tested Wave in a battle for Low Country supremacy and the Wildcats walked away with a victory.
The Cats were led by running back K. Eady who had a 32 yard touchdown run for the only offensive touchdown scored in the contest. That was followed, later in the game, by what turned out to be the game winning 20 yard field goal by young C. Cashion. These two youngsters finally got the ‘Cats their first win against the vaunted Green Wave with a 10-7 victory.
Oh, did I mention that the running back’s name is Karon Eady?
Or that the place kicker’s name is Caroline Cashion?
I didn’t think so. These two young ladies gave new meaning to the term “Girls Gone Wild” with their impressive showing Friday night.
Congratulations, girls
SOUTH GEORGIA FOOTBALL NEWS and VIEWS
Welcome from the heart of SEC country.
Our boys in blue came out on the short end of a 21-0 score in a game taking on Bacon County. These kids put up a valiant effort against a tough Red Raider team from Alma, Georgia in a battle of supremacy for South Georgia Pride. The Raiders made the drive down to McRae sporting a 5-1 record with their only loss coming against traditional Class A powerhouse Clinch County and they showed why they’re sporting this winning record. The Trojans just didn’t quite have enough to hang on and now prepare for a trip to Ocilla for a matchup and possible win against the 1-5 Irwin County Indians. Keep your heads up, boys. After moving into this new Region 2-A region, we’ve got a much tougher schedule than in years past.
Everyone in Telfair County is behind you.
Meanwhile, up in Athens, the home state Bulldogs took on the Mississippi State Bulldogs in a battle of Canine bragging rights. The Athens Dogs proved to be rude hosts in turning back the Starkville crowd by a 24-10 score between the hedges. There were obviously no souvenir sprigs of those historic hedges gathered by the visitors as they never really got anything going and, truth be told, looked lost at times. The only area of concern was that our Red Heads jumped out to a 21-3 lead at the half and then went into cruise control for the rest of the game. Our orange clad, and yes, tacky, neighbors north of the border, are next on the agenda.
Next for the Bulldogs is an away game in Knoxville. Derek may be a Dooley, but he aint getting any love from South of Chattanooga on this day.
Meanwhile, up in Raleigh, the North Avenue Trade School took on an angry mob of Dogs and came away with a 45-35 win. The Slide Rule Jocks made this a little closer than anticipated in avenging a slip up last year against the Carolina State Mutts. The takeaway is this. Defense needs to break out the calculators and figure out how to stop an offense pretty fast or there could be some disappointments in our state capitol.
And I would be completely negligent if I didn’t throw out some kudos to the Eagles from up the road in Statesboro. The Eagles, who also have a mascot who flies around the stadium (but doesn’t get off course and fly into glass windows), topped the home standing Elon Phoenix by a 41-14 score. These birds also have the distinction of being # 1 in FCS competition, the first time they’ve attained that lofty spot since 2001. Congrats Eagles and keep up the good work.
In other games, the Chicken’s chickens finally came home to roost against the Alabama Plainsmen on Saturday. I don’t know who looked worse in this game but as the old Head Ball Coach said, this offense looks “putrid.” There might be some changes in Columbia on the horizon for the Yard Birds.
And over in Arlington, a bunch of testy Hogs welcomed the most recent addition to the conference to the SEC with a 42-38 win over the Aggies of Texas A&M. I think even the cadets were ready to turn their weapons on their team as they squandered a big lead and fell to the SEC West’s 3rd best team. We all know the old saying; be careful what you wish for, you just may get it.
And in the Big Ten-ish Conference, that darling of the media, O-hiya State was defeated by the Spartans of Michigan by a “huge” margin, 10 – 7. It must be rough on the Buckeyes. You can phone in your appreciation to Coach Tressel via Verizon Wireless, toll free.
Last, but not least, the mighty USC Trojans squeaked by in a close contest with PAC 10-ish those mighty Wildcats of Arizona. That would be the 1-4 variety kittens. They must have been dancing in the streets in Compton and L.A. after this big win.
Finally, it’s time for the Peach State Prognostication.
This is my prediction of the “Good Old Fashioned Hate” rivalry between the Dogs and Jackets if they played today. Last week, I predicted a 31-28 score favoring the Wreck.
This week, I’m going with this: 31-30……….. Jackets.
And I’m torn. The Dog’s young running back Isaih Crowell impressed me, gutting out some tough yards with bruised ribs. Tech’s offense was a little off, but the Defense is definitely an area of concern. I’ve gotta give the slight nod to the Jackets as long as the dogs have a hard time getting on track. Until they get rolling, gotta stay with the Bee’s.
Let’s see what next week reveals.
That’s it for now. Hope everyone’s team wins and you have a great week.
And remember; make sure you support your local High School Athletics.
These are your future collegians of tomorrow.
Until next time,
I’m Harley Hanesworth
COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS
SOUTH FLORIDA: You are aware….
That you can take your “first team” with you to road games, right? I’m just checking..
Because last Saturday it looked like you left them all at the Tampa Airport
ILLINOIS: The Fighting Pumpkins are 5 and 0 for the first time in sixty years…
Yes, I said sixty years.
And you know what that means?
The fact that the Pumpkins are currently undefeated is one of the signs of the coming Apocalypse
PENN STATE: Last Saturday Joe Pa coached his 700th game…..
700 college football games as the Head Football Coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions
Great win last Saturday for a Great Coach and a living Legend
UNITED STATES MILITARY ACADEMY: I can’t believe it….
I picked the Black Knights of the Hudson to win last week and they actually won…
I almost cried
MARSHALL: I can assume by your performance last Saturday that my weekly taunts and sarcastic remarks motivated you Thundering Herd to victory over the Louisville Cardinals.
You’re Welcome
SOUTHERN METHODIST: I never should have doubted my Proud Ponies last week.
Congratulations on winning the Battle of the Iron Skillet….
The Iron Skillet belongs to Coach June and the Mighty Mustangs
OHIO STATE: If Buckeyes don’t pick up the pace…..
They will be headed to the Vienna Sausage Bowl in Dahlonega Georgia
CLEMSON: These are not the kitty cats of years past….
The Mighty Tigers have defeated three top teams in as many weeks and are currently undefeated.
I know my adopted Clemson Family is Happy and I’m Happy for you.
TEXAS: The Red River Rivalry this week will determine if the Longhorns are really back.
My guess?
Read this week’s picks for the answer.
CARSON NEWMAN: Spark’s Eagles have NEVER lost two games in a row…..
That I can remember…
Until last week….
Not to add any additional pressure to your season, but you guys are killing my weekly average
Just so you know
WISCONSIN: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
NEW MEXICO STATE: Congratulations to Lasso Larry for defeating the Lobo’s and winning
“The Maloof Trophy” and just for the record…
I still think that trophy looks like a possum on a stick
ARKANSAS: Didn’t I tell you Razorback fans that you were going to beat the Aggies?
And you didn’t believe me did you?
You all have some “trust” issues, I’m just saying
SOUTH CAROLINA: This is for the 113 Carolina Gamecock Fans that sent me emails complaining about my write up in the “Preseason Extravaganza” when I didn’t mention South Carolina as a “contender”.
Now you know why I didn’t list them as a “contender”, don’t you?
EMAIL QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Q: Hey Mister Wizard!
You have been a little hard on our beloved Sooner’s lately, so I have an idea.
I don’t know if you have ever been to Oklahoma, but I would like to cordially invite you to Norman Oklahoma for a Sooner football game!
We will show you what Boomer Sooner hospitality is all about!
The Davis Family – Norman, Oklahoma
A: Thank you for the invitation…
However there are two very good reasons why I don’t visit Oklahoma.
I have seen the movie “Oklahoma!” and I refuse to walk around all day singing and dancing.
(I have no idea how you all getting anything done singing and dancing all day)
And secondly (although most importantly) My Texas citizenship would be revoked if I came to Oklahoma, even for a visit.
THE GAMES
Thursday October 6th
Western Kentucky at Middle Tennessee State
The Blue Raiders are tough to beat under the lights in Murfreesboro and the Hilltopper’s mascot looks like the offspring of Chewbacca’s sister and the Cool-aide guy.
Enough said….
RAIDERS of BLUE 33-17
Arkansas – Monticello at Delta State
This game features the surprising Boll Weevils of Arkansas and my beloved Fighting Okra.
Except for Okra Winfrey there isn’t anything I don’t love about Okra.
FIGHTING OKRA 24-21
California at Oregon
I had every intention of watching this thrilling matchup from a bottom tiered football conference but The Animal Planet is suppose to have Rhino’s on Roller Skates on at the same time.
Don’t worry, I have on good authority that…
No Rhino’s will be harmed in the “Roller Boogie” portion of the program
QUACKS 6-5
Friday October 7th
Boise State at Fresno State
Not really sure why this is a rivalry game, but it is…
This game is called “The Battle for the Milk Can”
(And “No” I’m not making this up)
And as you might have guessed…
The winner of the game gets a Milk Can
Yippee
MILKY WAY BRONCO’S 33-28
Saturday October 8th
Oklahoma at Texas
This is the Red River Rivalry
It’s played each year during the Texas State Fair at the Cotton Bowl (As God intended it)
Pure and simple this game is hatred personified.
The teams, the fans, and the alumni dislike each other intensely.
Sometimes I make picks based on statistics and trends and other times I pick with my heart.
No matter where I am, I am always Deep in the Heart of Texas
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 33-31
Maryland at Georgia Tech
The Linoleum Tile Turtles takes on the Rambling Wreck of Tech in Atlanta
And if you are wondering “why” this game is so important, it’s because…
Across the street from the Tech stadium is the Home to the greatest chili dogs in the world
“The Varsity”
Believe it…
YELLOW JACKETS 34-17
Mississippi State at UAB
The Bulldogs travel to Legion Field in Birmingham to take on the Blazers
The sign in the stadium still says “The Football Capital of the South”
Those were the days…
BULLY DOGS 38-10
Minnesota at Purdue
This Big Ten (or Twelve) Rivalry is played each year for..
“Herbert’s Sphincter Cannon”
Word to the wise…
You don’t want to be around when Herbert’s cannon goes off…
BOILERMAKERS 20-17
Louisville at North Carolina
I can’t make up my mind about these two teams…
One week the Cardinals are Strong and the next week they are getting sand kicked in their face
One week the Heels are Tarred and the next week they get feathered.
This is one a tossup
HEELS of TAR 24-17
Connecticut at West Virginia
Smoldering couches on Sunday morning smells like….
“Victory..”
LIGHT THOSE COUCHES!
MOUNTAINEERS 34-14
Kentucky at South Carolina
This game has jobs on the line and reputations at stake (yes, it does…)
It’s going to be closer than you might think
GAMECOCKS 24-17
North Alabama at Arkansas Tech
The folks from Arkansas Tech are called “The Wonder Boys”
Well, “wonder” no longer boys
MIGHTY LIONS 42-17
Florida State at Wake Forest
Maybe it’s just me….
But instead of having some student in a foam rubber costume
I wish the Demon Deacon mascot was Jimmy Swaggert…
He’s a hoot when he’s all liquored up, on a crying jag and waving his arms in the air
Never mind
NOLES 38-10
Memphis at Rice
Neither one of these teams could beat the Odessa Perriman Panthers in Odessa Texas
And that’s a fact
ELVIS’S TIGERS 17-10
Murray State at Georgia State
I cannot in good conscience pick any team that Bill Curry is associated with.
That being said….
PACERS 28-17
Army at Miami (OH)
I might be wrong….
But I don’t think the boys from West Point can put together a two game winning streak here
REDHAWKS 33-17
Marist at Davidson
I don’t know that much about David’s Son, but that Marist is a Fox
RED FOXES 24-21
Montana Western at North Dakota
I know some members of the NCAA Speech Police read this column because I read the emails.
This pick is for them….
FIGHTING SIOUX! FIGHTING SIOUX! FIGHTING SIOUX! 33-10
San Diego at Valparaiso
This game features “Torero’s” and “Crusaders”….
I think I saw a “Torero” last night on a commercial…
It’s that new burrito looking thing they are selling at Taco Bell that looks like a cut-away of a large intestine. Now why would you want to name your football team after something like that?
CRUISERS 27-14
Temple at Ball State
You don’t really care about this game do you?
I didn’t think so
HOOT OWLS 34-31
Florida International at Akron
The Panthers have let me down the past couple of weeks
But it’s time for the Hilton to get loose…
HILTON PANTHERS 33-31
Illinois at Indiana
This Big Ten and cross state rivalry game is played annually for the…
“Puddin’ Tane Trophy”, ask me again and I will tell you the same
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 38-10
Chattanooga at Georgia Southern
The Eagles of Southern are the Number One team in the country in their respective division.
That ranking won’t change after Saturday
SOUTHERN EAGLES 33-21
Boston College at Clemson
This Atlantic Coast Conference Rivalry is played for “The Leather Helmet” and..
The O’Rourke-McFadden Trophy
Which (by the way) has nothing to do with Mickey Rourke or Johnny McFadden
Just so you know
DABO’S TIGERS 34-17
North Dakota State at Southern Illinois
The folks from Southern are called the “Salukis”…
That sounds like a pesky foot fungus if you ask me.
Which is disgusting…
THUNDERING BISON 28-24
Missouri at Kansas State
I know, I know….
The Wildcats of State are winning and winning….
But Mo knows there is more than one way to skin a cat
MO’S TIGERS 28-24
Central Michigan at North Carolina State
I really don’t know what to think about the latest Public Service Announcement from the Department of Agriculture. Have you seen it?
“Chippewa’s; the other white meat”
(I think that is very inappropriate)
PACKS of WOLVES 28-24
Ohio at Buffalo
The Bobcats are rolling and the Boy’s from Buffalo are just winging it.
(In case you were wondering, “yes” that was Buffalo Wings reference)
FRANK’S CATS 38-10
Arizona State at Utah
The Two Ute’s has too much Ute on their team to complete with the Devils from the Sun.
SUNNY DEVILS 31-28
Iowa at Penn State
This is going to be an old fashioned Big Ten battle in the trenches.
It’s going to be a real tussle and could go either way…
But I believe Joe Pa still has a trick or two up his depends.
JOE PA’S LIONS 23-17
Southern Miss at Navy
This one is going to be close, real close….
MIDSHIPMEN 28-24
Miami at Virginia Tech
Please see “Southern Miss and Navy” above…
Then wash, rinse and repeat….
HOKEY POKEY 24-21
Catawba at Carson Newman
The Mighty Spark’s Eagles will not lose three games in a row….
Or I will have to go into the Witness Protection Program (again…)
SPARK’S EAGLES 34-31
Florida at LSU
I have a great deal of respect for both of these teams, so I won’t belabor the point or make some funny witticism concerning this game. But it’s going to be closer than you might think
HEY FIGHTN’ TIGERS 24-21
Pittsburgh at Rutgers
If these two teams were entertainers they would be “Siegfried and Roy”
ROY’S PANTHERS 24-17
Air Force at Notre Dame
I wouldn’t call this an “Upset” unless you were a Fighting Irish fan…
MIGHTY FALCONS 34-28
Montana State at Portland State
The Bobcats will ground the Vikings..
Believe it
BOBCATS 38-17
Arkansas Pine Bluff at Jackson State
The Golden Lions of Pine Bluff will be tarnished by Walter’s Tigers on Saturday.
And as a side note: the Battle of the Bands at halftime in this game is not to be missed.
WALTER’S TIGERS 43-24
Valdosta State at Ouachita Baptist
I have an interesting fact about the Ouachita Baptist…
They refuse to make love standing up because..
They are afraid someone will see them and think they are dancing.
DANCING BAPTIST 31-24
Montana at Idaho
This is a Big rivalry game…
And it is played each year for the “Little Brown Stein”
I bet you are surprised I knew that..
I am a mental storehouse for “strange facts known by few”
(It’s a blessing and a curse)
GRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 33-24
Marshall at Central Florida
The Thundering Herd Thundered through Louisville last Saturday
But the Boys from O-Town (Not the defunct Boy Band) are ready…
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 33-28
Iowa State at Baylor
The Cyclones are a dangerous team (when they want to be)…
And the Bears are way overrated….
CYCLONES 33-31
Auburn at Arkansas
The War Eagle faithful has reminded me (repeatedly) that I haven’t picked them to win since the first week and they would be correct in that assertion. Let’s keep the streak going, shall we?
HAWGS 38-24
Michigan at Northwestern
Another Big Ten (or twelve) Game and you know exactly what that means…
Another game for a coveted Rivalry Trophy!
This game is played for the “Mask of Yak Trophy”
Which oddly enough looks like former Michigan “first lady” Rita Rodriguez without makeup.
WOLVERINES 38-10
Georgia at Tennessee
I have read a number of emails recently from Volunteer fans “claiming” among other things that “I never say anything positive about their program”. I was hurt and dismayed by those accusations and vowed to rectify this perceived wrong, because after all, I work very hard to leave each reader with hope and optimism concerning their teams in each and every article.
With that being said….
Recently I saw former University of Tennessee Coach Phil Fulmer on a television commercial promoting tourism to Gulf Shores Alabama. In the commercial Phil Fulmer was wearing a t-shirt and shorts.
In that t-shirt…..
Phil Fulmer’s man boobs looked like old orangutan monkey boobs.
SIC EM DOGS 31-28
Texas A&M at Texas Tech
The Aggies are madder than Wynonna Judd at a Weight Watchers meeting…
But on a positive note: If you are ever in Lubbock Texas, you have to see the Buddy Holly Museum, you won’t be disappointed Peggy Sue.
GIG EM AGGIES 33-17
East Carolina at Houston
The Pirates of Carolina are in for a rude awakening in H-Town
This isn’t the wounded and beat up Cougars from last year
These boys are healthy
MIGHTY COUGARS 38-17
Vanderbilt at Alabama
The Commodores always play the Tide tough, and this game will be no exception.
CRIMSON TIDE 28-14
UNLV at Nevada
This is the biggest rivalry game in the state of Nevada…
Actually it’s the only rivalry game in the state of Nevada, but who’s counting
This game is called “The Battle of Nevada” and it’s played for the “Fremont Cannon”.
Not to be confused in any way with the “Tippy McAllen Casino and Big Butt Cannon Buffett”
Those are two completely different things, just so you know
WOLF PACK 31-17
Colorado at Stanford
The Buffalo are pulling out all the stops to motivate the players this week!
The rumors are true!
You will not see “Ralphie” the Buffalo leading the Colorado team onto the field this Saturday.
It will be Wynonna Judd in a tube top…
(Sorry for the disturbing visual)
CARDINAL 43-10
Florida Atlantic at North Texas
The Hooter’s from Florida (Not the original location in Clearwater but someplace else..)
Are going to get an unhealthy does of the…
MEAN GREEN 34-17
Ohio State at Nebraska
The way these two teams are playing it wouldn’t surprise me if they both lost.
CHILDREN of the CORN 24-17
Syracuse at Tulane
The Orange got squeezed last week, but Orange you glad I picked you this week?
(I know that was weak, but honestly that’s all I had for this game, sorry)
OTTO the ORANGE 33-14
Wyoming at Utah State
Don’t remind me….
I know the Aggies have let me down as of late, but they won’t disappoint this week
Cowboy Down!
AGGIES UP 28-17
San Jose State at Brigham Young
Do you know the motto of the San Jose Football team?
“We are Everybody’s Homecoming Team”
COUGARS 34-14
Washington State at UCLA
My Black Lab “Doc” wanted to make this pick….
I knew he wanted to make the pick because he came up to the screen
Turned his head from side to side….
And walked away with a disgusted look on his face…
That means one thing..
BRUINS 28-24
Texas Christian at San Diego State
The Frogs got Dehorned Last week by the Mighty SMU Mustangs….
Lightening won’t strike twice in the same place
Believe it
HORNED FROGS 33-28
Kansas at Oklahoma State
The Prairie Wind is going to smack Jay’s Hawks in the naughty place…
COWBOY UP! 43-17
Arizona at Oregon State
Although State hasn’t played very well as of late…
I still believe in the Power of the Beaver
MIGHTY BEAVERS 24-21
Enjoy your games…
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD