Ladies and Gentlemen –
Before we get into this Week’s Picks I believe Congratulations are in order….
After defeating the James Madison Dukes last Saturday the University of New Hampshire Wildcats can take their rightful place as the Number Three Ranked team in College Football!
This of course is based upon the BCS formula of the “three degrees of separation” as it relates to the Virginia Tech Hokies.
Meaning: On the merit of Boise State’s win over Virginia Tech, the Bronco’s moved to the Number Three Ranking, correct? The following week James Madison defeated Virginia Tech and they should have been elevated to at least a Number Three ranking as well, right?
That brings us to last Saturday…
The New Hampshire Wildcats defeated the James Madison Dukes, who defeated the Virginia Tech Hokies and thus are the Number Three Team in College Football!
Now that you understand the logic associated with the BCS….
You too are qualified to determine who will play in the BCS Championship game…
EDITORS NOTES: Based on the BCS formula….
I think New Hampshire has a real shot at the title game..Don’t you?
Enjoy Your Picks…
PRE-GAME WARM UP
You know it’s a tough week when Chuck Norris references can’t help you….
Last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a dismal 40 and 14 or 74%.
That drops me to 335 and 69 or 83% after seven weeks of college football.
But this is no time to dwell on post Saturday heartbreak….
EDITORS NOTE: South Carolina and Nebraska fans take note
It’s the Third Saturday in October….
And that means war….
DUMBASS OF THE WEEK AWARD
In a photo finish….
The Dumbass of the Week Award goes to none other than CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson who said last week after Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallett left the game with Auburn with an undisclosed injury….
“ I talk to the Arkansas trainers and I got me no information on it”
EDITORS NOTE: Before the season is over….
I hope Tracy gets “Hooked on Phonics”
Second runner-up for this week’s award goes to Tracy’s colleague in the CBS booth, Vern Lundquist who stated near halftime of the Arkansas – Auburn contest….
“Stay tuned to CBS for all of today’s gay highlights from around the country”
EDITORS NOTES: Who knew Vern was a Kenny Chesney fan?
FAN FAVORITE OF THE WEEK AWARD
This week the Auburn Tiger fans have selected as “The Fan Favorite of the Week”
Southeastern Conference referee Penn Wagers of Summerville South Carolina for providing the Tigers with two unassisted touchdowns in their victory over the Arkansas Razorbacks!
Although they didn’t need the additional touchdowns to win the game…
It is nice to know that Penn cared enough to give the Tigers the extra added bonus to ensure victory!
Congratulations to Penn and War Damn Eagle!
THE PICKS
Thursday October 20th
UCLA at Oregon
This game will be chocked full of Quackers and Bears..
Which coincidently is not unlike a box of animal crackers
QUACK ATTACK 43-17
Friday October 21st
South Florida at Cincinnati
The Boys from Chili Town are fresh off their victory for the Keg of Nails
And that is good enough for me….
BEARKATS 31-17
EDITORS NOTE: Also Cincinnati is the home of Skyline Chili which greatly influences my selection process when it comes to picking the BearKats, just so you know.
Saturday October 22nd
Syracuse at West Virginia
Otto the Orange will feel out of place in Morgantown…
Especially when they roast him on a couch…
LIGHT THOSE COUCHES!
MOUNTAINEERS 33-21
Moravian at Juniata
I wonder….
If Morons come from Moravian?
Not that it matters to Juanita
J-LO 28-10
Duke at Virginia Tech
Blue Devils fans finally have something to cheer about…
Basketball season is almost here..
HOKEY POKEY 43-17
Iowa State at Texas
My beloved Longhorns….
Have returned to their winning ways before my liver fell out and my spleen exploded.
Which is nice…
LONGHORNS 28-17
Michigan State at Northwestern
The Spartans are undefeated at this point in the season for the first time in 44 years…
That trend will continue in the Windy City on Saturday…
SPARTANS 38-14
Notre Dame at Navy
Even Golden garden Gnomes won’t help the Fighting Leprechauns this week..
Believe it…
MIDSHIPMEN 28-24
Penn State at Minnesota
The Not So very Golden Gophers have one problem…
Actually they have a lot of problems…
No offense, no defense and nonexistent special teams….
But let’s keep this simple shall we?
Jo Pa is coming to town….
The Governors’ Bell Trophy goes too…
JOE’S LIONS 33-10
Ole Miss at Arkansas
One question….
What the hell does a foam rubber bear have to do with the “Ole Miss Rebels”?
Is that a “rebel” bear? Does he just not get along with the other bears?
Does he do a keen James Dean impression?
That’s just stupid….
RAZORBACKS 38-24
Mars Hill at Carson Newman
You know illegal immigration is a problem…
When people from Mars have their own college..
SPARKS EAGLES 43-28
Indiana at Illinois
This Big Twelve, Eleven, I mean Ten Rivalry…
Is played each year for the “Bottom Feeder of the Conference Trophy”
In case you were wondering….
The Trophy is a stuffed Catfish….
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 31-17
Delaware at William and Mary
This game will have Bill and Mary chasing some hens around a field…
Throw in some fireworks and some liquor and you have a weekend at Hootie Snitch’s house..
BLUE HENS 38-24
Purdue at Ohio State
The Boilermakers will need a few after this one is over….
The Buckeyes have a mean on…
BUCKEYES 34-14
Rutgers at Pittsburgh
The Knights will leave the home of Iron City Beer with a Scarlett face…
Believe it…
PANTHERS 24-17
Maryland at Boston College
Honestly this game is a tossup….
Because both teams have more personalities than a schizophrenic
TURTLEMEN 24-21
Ohio at Miami (OH)
Coach Franks Cats of Bob are ready but the boys from Miami are red hot..
RED HAWKS 33-28
Wyoming at Brigham Young
I have a philosophical question….
If Wyoming and Washington State played against each other..
How many days would it be until someone scored?
COUGARS 38-10
Chattanooga at Furman
Choo-Choo and Chewbacca….
Sounds like a chewing tobacco company…
MIGHTY MOCS 28-24
Northern Arizona at Montana
Not even a bunch of lumberjacks can calm a grizzly bear…
I saw that once on the Animal Planet…
GRIZZZZZZZ 41-24
Kent State at Bowling Green
This battle of the Buckeye State is played for the “Jimmy Crack Corn Trophy”
Because if you aren’t the Buckeyes in Ohio, then nobody cares…
FALCONS 31-17
Rice at Central Florida
My Favorite Pudding doesn’t get breaded this weekend….
PUDDING POPS 28-24
Connecticut at Louisville
I still believe the Cardinals are Strong….
STRONGS CARDNIALS 31-28
North Alabama at Ouachita Baptist
Little known fact..
Like most denominations of the Baptist faith….
The Ouachita Baptist will not make love standing up…
For fear someone will see them and think they were dancing..
MIGHTY LIONS 34-14
Kansas State at Baylor
In case you were wondering..
The slogan…
“Let’s go Wacko in Waco”
Wasn’t cool anymore when the Branch Davidians moved into the neighborhood
WILDCATS 28-20
Millsaps at Centre
I didn’t know Ronnie Millsaps had his own college?
I wonder if Conway Twitty does too?
Never mind…
RONNIE’S BOYS 24-17
Wisconsin at Iowa
I told you about the Power of Cheese last week…
This week it’s all about Cheese Curls…
HAWKS EYES 31-24
LSU at Auburn
I am going out on a limb here….
But I believe the Tigers are going to win this game…
Call it a Prognosticators Hunch….
TIGERS 28-24
EDITORS NOTE: Hey Fightn’ Tigers…..
Georgia Tech at Clemson
I think it’s worth mentioning here….
I miss my adopted Clemson Tiger Family…
This one is for you all….
DABO’S TIGERS 28-23
Houston at Southern Methodist
I know my Ponies took it on the chin last weekend….
EDITORS NOTE: That was in no way intended as a slight on the Chinese people..
This country owes them far too much money for me to make them angry
MIGHTY MUSTANGS 33-28
Arizona State at California
I would watch this game…..
But there is a “special” on Sea Monkeys on the Discovery Channel.
You do know they are natures perfect animal, right?
DEVILS of the SUN 6-3
Massachusetts at New Hampshire
The Nations Number Three Wildcats takes on the Men of Minutes…
In a clash which is located ten miles from the arctic circle…
Just thought I would throw that in…
WILDCATS 24-17
Marshall at East Carolina
I won’t forget the Thundering Herd’s game with the Pirates on November 14th 1970…
And neither should you…
WE ARE MARSHALL 28-24
Hawaii at Utah State
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it…
But Dog the Bounty Hunter can be seen on the A&E Network on Wednesday Evenings..
Check your local listings for times in your area…
WARRIORS Bounty Hunting on RAINBOWS 38-28
Washington State at Stanford
I don’t know if I mentioned it…..
But the Cougars couldn’t beat the West Orange Texas High School Mustangs…
And that’s a damn fact
CARDINAL 151-0
New Mexico State at Idaho
Have you seen the Idaho Vandal mascot?
He really does look a pedophile out on parole….
I half expect to see him with an ankle tracker…
PISTOL PETE 38-34
Eastern Michigan at Virginia
I don’t mean to be cavalier about my selection here….
CAVALIERS 31-21
Colorado State at Utah
“Two what? What was that word? Two What?”
TWO UTES 43-17
UAB at Mississippi State
Coach Dan’s Bulldogs have already done some Urban renewal in the Swamp..
Now they are ready for homecoming in Starkville
DAN’S DAWGS 34-10
South Carolina at Vanderbilt
Coach Steve will have his Roosters ready to crow in the Music City
Believe it…
GAMECOCKS 38-17
Texas A&M at Kansas
I would watch this game but I am hosting a Sea Monkeys and Sea Monkey accessory party…
It’s like a Tupperware party except with Sea Monkeys and Sea Monkey accessories.
I did tell you they were natures perfect animal right?
GIG EM AGGIES 28-24
Alabama at Tennessee
It’s the Third Saturday in October….
This is Republicans and Democrats..
Its Cowboys and Indians…
Its oil and water
Except its worse…
CRIMSON TIDE 24-21
North Carolina at Miami
The Heels get Tarred in South Beach….
And “No” it has nothing to do with the BP Oil spill…
HURRICANES 24-21
Georgia at Kentucky
Here is a little lesson in life….
Dawgs tree cats, it’s what they do…
SIC EM DAWGS 34-24
Air Force at Texas Christian
The Mighty Falcons get grounded in Fort Worth…
And it won’t be due to bad weather…
HORNED FROGS 38-17
Washington at Arizona
Didn’t I mention earlier that Dogs tree cats?
I did?
Then this one is easy…
HUSKIES 31-24
Nebraska at Oklahoma State
The Prairie Wind is getting ready to touch the Cowboys in the naughty place…
CORNHUSKERS 28-24
Oklahoma at Missouri
UPSET SPECIAL!
MO Knows Upsets…
I know that because on every episode of the Three Stooges MO looks upset..
MO’S TIGERS 33-28
Texas Tech at Colorado
The Red Raiders saddle up to get back to their winning ways….
At least that’s the plan…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS 28-24
Enjoy Your Games….
RTR
THE CFB WIZARD