Ladies and Gentlemen -

Before we discuss the past week in College Football, I want to tell you a thing or two about picking the games….

You see I have been in a rush picking your games.
I admit it…

I am not making excuses…
If I were to make excuses I would use any one of my favorite three excuses.
You know what those are right?

The Sun was in my eyes…

I had a rock in my shoe….

And…
I don’t play well on artificial turf…

You see “IF” I hadn’t of been in a hurry this past week, (Believe it or not)…
I would have picked Oregon State over U$C…and
the Houston Cougars over East Carolina…

Don’t get me wrong..
I still would have missed Navy over Wake Forest…
Michigan over Wisconsin….
Colorado over Florida State…
Iowa over Northwestern…
and I Damn sure would have missed Ole Miss over…
Never mind you get the picture…

Not that it would have made a big difference…

I just would have felt better about myself this week…

NOT that it wasn’t a GREAT weekend for me….

But I will be much more careful (for you) My Beloved fans in the Future…

ROLL TIDE ROLL……
MEB

 

FROM THE….

WHAT THE HELL? (FILE)

WISCONSIN: What were you cheeseheads thinking?
Thanks for making me look like a complete jackass….

WAKE FOREST: How could you lose to “Navy”? Their mascot is a goat!
You beat Florida State (AT Florida State!) last Saturday…
Then Lose to Navy at home the next….

I am speechless….

COLORADO: Were you all really that un-inspired without my sister-in-law leading you onto the field? I knew that she could irritate the hell out of someone…(anyone)
But “Inspire”?
Never….

CARSON NEWMAN: I can believe losing to “Mayberry”, but “New” Berry…?

CLEMSON: My friends….
I do not have words that will comfort you…
Except maybe….
FIRE TOMMY’S ASS……

IOWA: “Children of the Corn”…my butt.
You all couldn’t scare a class of second graders…

FLORIDA: I am still too shocked to speak on the subject…
Maybe next week…

MIAMI (FL): You all play the toughest 15 minutes of football in the country…
Unfortunately the game is 60 damn minutes long….

HAWAII: The way you play; you don’t deserve to live in the same state as “Dog the Bounty Hunter”…

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART I)

“The first thing they need to do is listen to Coach Fulmer and the coaching staff……they know what they are doing..”

-Peyton Manning talking to CBS Sideline Reporter Tracy Wolfson on the Tennessee bench during the Tennessee - Auburn game

EDITORS NOTE: You Tennessee Vol fans ARE smart enough to know this is “damage control” to save the Fat Man’s job right?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART II)

“This team needs to listen to Coach Fulmer and the coaching staff….
They have a plan. So listen to them and follow the plan…
Coach Fulmer knows what he is doing….”

- The second time CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson spoke with Peyton Manning on the Tennessee bench during the Tennessee - Auburn game

EDITORS NOTE: Seriously; you Tennessee fans “DO KNOW” this “Spin Cycle” is all being done to protect Fat Phil’s job, right?
You sure….?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART III)

“I wanted to touch each of the players in a place they hadn’t been touched before…”

- Peyton Manning’s response to CBS sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson when asked if he said or did anything with the Vol Football team before the game…

EDITORS NOTE: Dude, I wouldn’t have said that…

 

 

GOD’S GIFT TO THE COMMON MAN

This week’s God’s Gift to the Common man (and woman) comes in the form of the greatest gift to tailgating since the invention of charcoal…

Earl Campbell’s Hot Links…

Not only was Earl a Heisman Trophy winner from the University of Texas…
(Hook Em Horns…)
And a member of the Professional Football Hall of Fame…

He also makes the best damn Hot Links and Sausage on the planet…

Here is one link (No Pun intended) there are others…
Get some today…
There is nothing like them…
http://www.samsclub.com/shopping/navigate.do?dest=5&item=182629

 

 

COMMENTARY

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: The Trojan$ lose to an unranked team with a losing record (No disrespect to the Oregon State Beavers)……..
And the Trojan$ stay in the AP top ten….
Did you know the Trojan$ are currently only 2 and 1…..

The Number “Ten” Team is 5 and 0….

It finally occurred to me what bothers me the most about everything $outhern California Trojan$….

The sense of entitlement….

Why don’t they have to “Fight their way back into the Top Ten”?
Like everybody else….

If they were really that good…
Would they have lost to Oregon State?

The belief of the Privileged….

The Trojan$ and their Pimps from ESPN and ABC “believe” the Trojan$ are a team of “Destiny”…and they “still” have a shot at the National Title….

Of course ESPN and ABC Sports don’t think THE Ohio State University has a shot at the title…despite losing to the (then) top team in the nation….not an unranked losing team (No disrespect to the Oregon State Beavers..)

ESPN and ABC have all but written off Georgia despite losing to a top ten footbal team AND falling out of the Top Ten themselves…

Why don’t the TROJAN$ (after a stellar 2 and 1 record) have to work like the devil (and maybe win a few more games) to get back into the Top Ten or Top fifteen?

I WONDER don’t you?

 

NCAA: I continue to see on the various College Football Blogs and Forums how Great and wonderful “Alabama is doing since being on probation…”

Some still call us cheaters…

Prehaps what bothers me the most, even more than the FACT that the NCAA punished the University of Alabama without ANY evidence….

That’s right I said it…
AND so did the Lead NCAA Investigator in the case…

I would suggest…
You READ the NCAA “evidence” and you will agree…
Yet I digress…

Is the fact the NCAA has ALL the evidence they need in the Reggie Bush - Southern California Trojan Case……

 In the form of recorded tapes with Reggie Bush and his then “sports agent”…
Credit Card receipt’s….payed for by Reggie’s “sports agent”…
signed by Reggie Himself…

Plane Tickets…
Signed legal agreement’s…

and a HOUSE with an ADDRESS for GOD’S Sake…!!!!!!
Paid by Reggie’s “Sports Agent”….

Yet….
The NCAA and the PAC 10 Conference refuses to say anything concerning the investigation…

WHY?

I guess there are two sets of rules at the NCAA….
Those for Southerners….and the midwest…
And those for the privileged….

EDITORS NOTE: And as a side note…
The only thing funnier than the NCAA using the words “Fair” is when they use the word “Education”…

 

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: Mike, I cannot believe how Tennessee is a playing!
We is depressed as hell around here!
When we was a watching the game this past weekend, we noticed Coach Fulmer hollering at the Vol Quarterback, when he a coming off the field!
We couldn’t hear or tell what he was a saying!
Do you know what Coach Fulmer was telling the Tennessee Quarterback?
Thanks!
Shakey and Shelia - Athens, Tennessee

A: Lucky for you I have Bionic Hearing…
Coach Fulmer was telling the Tennessee Quarterback Jonathan Cromton…
“GET in MY BELLY!”

Q: Mike, did you see Chris Berman on College Game Day this past Saturday?
He said (and I quote..)
“The SEC, The BIG 12 and the BIG Ten need to pay attention!
The Ivy League is were football was invented!”

What do you think about that?
Kevin - Thomasville, Georgia
A: Well Kevin, “Flight” was invented at Kitty Hawk North Carolina and they don’t even have a damn airport today…
So don’t put any stock in what some smartass over-paid yankee has to say…

Q: What ever happened to the NCAA’s “Excessive Celebration” rule in College Football?
Since the University of Washington was taken behind the woodshed by the “rule”…
And the NCAA and the PAC 10 Conference Defended the rulings…
The NCAA appears to have backed away from their ruling…
YET, we haven’t heard anything..
What gives?
Thanks Mike!
Jimmy - Lincoln, Nebraska

A: In case you didn’t know Jimmy…
The NCAA is made up of a bunch of “Know it all” Academics, that can’t (and won’t) admit when they are wrong…

O’ Yeah…
Also they are all Wusseys….

Q: Mike, if you were driving down the road and you saw the President of the NCAA (Miles Brand) on the side of the road, what one word comes to mind?
Be Honest….
Jerry - Birmingham, Alabama
A: “Accelerate”

Enjoy your Week!

RTR

MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I don’t know about you….
But I am still higher than a Georgia Pine over the Oregon State Beavers win last night!

I half expected to wake up this morning and read about mass suicides within the College Football National Media over the U$C Trojan loss…

You can’t blame a guy for dreaming, can you?

Before we launch into Saturday’s Games let’s talk about last week.

Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was an uncharacteristic 30 and 14 or a rather disappointing 68%….

I will however say the Boise State Bronco fans don’t really care; because I nailed their win over the Oregon Quacks…

Before I give our overall numbers for the season I think it’s about time I say…..

HOW ABOUT THE OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEATING THAT TROJAN ASS!

Currently we are 172 and 36 or 83% for the year….

Which isn’t too bad considering….

OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEAT THE BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY!

This will not get old for me…any time soon.

Enjoy your Picks!

 

CLASS ACT OF THE WEEK

MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS: Senior Running Back Javon Ringer after rushing for 282 yards and scoring both touchdowns in the Spartans 17 to 0 win over Florida Atlantic told the post game media…

“I don’t know why you all are talking to me…Behind me is my offensive line. They did all the work and without them, I wouldn’t have gotten anything…”

Javon Ringer then proceded to introduce his offensive line one by one and then he politely excuse himself so the media and the offensive line could talk….

EDITORS NOTE: This young man is nothing BUT CLASS….Period.

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“Nobody in the PAC 10 can compete with U$C…..”

- Kirt Herbstreit - ESPN College Football Gameday

EDITORS NOTE: Isn’t Oregon State in the PAC 10?
Just wondering…..

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART II)

“We are only a quarter of the way through our season…so we have alot more football to play”

- Southern California Trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez response to being asked by Kirt Herbstreit on how the Trojans are prepared to remain “The Number One Team in the Country”…

EDITORS NOTE: Let me see if I have this right…

When asked that question the Trojan$ had only played TWO..as in 2 games.

So a “Quarter” of the Games would be what?

So, either the Trojan$ only play EIGHT games or it is REALLY REALLY easy to get a Math and Accounting Degree from Southern California…

Dumbass…..

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART III)

“Me and my teammates, like we ain’t no quitters…
We bring it all day long…All day….you know…
Like you wait and see.”

- Tennessee Volunteer Defensive Back Eric Berry on being prepared for the Florida Gators…

BEFORE they were soundly thrashed 30 to 6 by the Mighty Florida Gators…

EDITORS NOTE: I wonder if Mr. Berry is an English major?

 

QUOTE OF THE WEEK (PART IV)

“We don’t have any leadership on this team…”

- Coach Phil Fulmer on the 2008 Tennessee Volunteer Football team

EDITORS NOTE: Can we assume that starts from the top?

 

THE GAMES

Saturday September 27th

Minnesota at Ohio State
This week an O’So Gloden Gopher means….
A Gopher that has been fried to a crispy golden brown…
MIGHTY BUCKEYES 28-14

Maryland at Clemson
This game will be real close for two quarters….
Then it will be nothing but…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 31-17

Carson Newman at Newberry
If this game was against Mayberry I would feel different…
Because I could never go against Andy and Barney…
SPARK’S EAGLES 38-10

Michigan State at Indiana
Down go the Homers…..
Or Homer Down! (If you prefer)
Never mind….
SPARTANS 33-13

Virginia at Duke
Why? My Point exactly….
I can’t believe I did this either…
BLUE DEVILS 23-17

Pittsburg at Syracuse
This is the “Who Sucks Worse” Game …
It’s a toss up…
PANTHERS 13-10

Kent State at Ball State
Ahhhhhh……
All is right with the World when Kent State loses at ANYTHING….
CARDINALS 43-10

North Carolina at Miami
The Heels will keep it close….
But we are still in Hurricane Season….
HURRICANES 33-24

Northwestern at Iowa
What is with the “Eyes of the Hawk”?
(Which by the way sounds like a Sylvester Stallone Movie)

EYES of the HAWK 23-17
Coming to a theater near you…

Ole Miss at Florida
The Good news is that Morgan Freeman is recovering well from his automobile accident…
He is THE voice of the University of Mississippi…
Other than that Ole Miss is going to get their ass kicked…
MIGHTY GATORS 34-14

Army at Texas A&M
The Aggies finally found a team they can beat…
Congratulations…
GIG EM AGGIES 43-13

Rhode Island at Boston College
I cannot in good conscience pull for a team or a state that is living a lie…
Rhode Island is NOT an Island…
Liars…
EAGLES 38-10

Arkansas at Texas
An Old Fashioned Southwest Conference Fight….
President Nixon said the 1969 game between these two team was the game of the century..
This one will not be as powerful…
But it will be one hell of a game…
LONGHORNS 34-17

Wisconsin at Michigan
If you are a Wolverine Fan I would send the kids to Grandma’s house for the weekend…
This is going to be uglier than Coach Rod’s wife without any make-up…
BADGERS 31-17

EDITORS NOTE: Yes…It will be THAT ugly.

Tennessee at Auburn
Can you play that song for me?
You know the one…
Rocky Flop…
WAR DAMN EAGLE 27-14

Houston at East Carolina
The Cougars will keep this a lot closer that you might think…
PIRATES 27-24

Fresno State at UCLA
I wish I could watch this “instant classic” but, VH1 has a progam devoted to Singing Mexican Midgets in Sombreros…
You see my dilemmia..right?
BRUINS 6-3

Colorado at Florida State
Before you ask…
No my Sister-in-law will not be leading the Colorado Team onto the Field…
She gets car sick on long trips…
Trust me on this one…
BUFFALOS 33-28

Purdue at Notre Dame
Even after last weeks loss….
I still believe…for now
FIGHTING IRISH 31-28

Morgan State at Rutgers
I don’t even know who this Morgan guy is…
Forget about it….
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 44-10

Marshall at West Virginia
I REALLY want to pick the Thundering Herd in this one…
But I have to go with History…
Light those Couches…But not too much.
MOUNTAINEERS 24-21 

Cincinnati at Akron
Seriously….what the hell is a “Zip”?
You named your team after a “Zipper”?
What was your other choice?
“The Urinal Cakes”?
BEARKATS 28-17

Louisiana Lafayette at Kansas State
No disrespect to anything Rajun or Cajun…
This one is all…
WILDCATS 27-17

Navy at Wake Forest
Nothing says “Demon Deacon” quite like a Jimmy Swaggart “Praise-a-Thon”…..
Not that it really fits here…
I just thought it was funny…
DEMON DEACONS 28-17

North Texas at Rice
Between a Kitchen Cleanser and my favorite pudding?
No contest…
RICE PUDDING 31-28

Colorado State at California
This one will be a lot closer….
as in A LOT Closer than you might think….
DA BEARS 24-20

Oregon at Washington State
This is a GREAT time to remind EVERYBODY….
THE OREGON STATE BEAVERS BEAT the Univer$ity of the $econd Coming!
ANIMAL QUACKERS 43-10 

Texas Christian at Oklahoma
The Horned Frogs will keep this close for a half….
Then it will be time to crank up the Boomer Sooner…
BOOMER SOONER 34-17

Western Kentucky at Kentucky
You know….
I still miss Bill Keightley…. 
This one is for “Mr. Wildcat”…
WILDCATS 28-14

Central Arkansas at Tulsa
Even though I still think that Hurricane Ike was a jackass…
I have to go with…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 43-10

UAB at South Carolina
Why are the “United Arab Badminton-ers” playing the Gamecocks?

There is so much wrong with this I don’t know where to begin….
GAMECOCKS 24-10

Troy at Oklahoma State
You better keep your eye on Troy in this one…
COWBOYS 27-17 

Mississippi State at LSU
I wish I had better news for you Bulldog Jim…
FIGHTN TIGERS 38-10

South Florida at North Carolina State
You better believe it….
This is No Bull…
BULLS 27-23

Alabama at Georgia
This is THE Game of the Day….

My Dawg Faithful know that I love them…

I miss ole UGA…
and appreciate the new dawg…

I have never met a bad Georgia Bulldog fan…
Ever..

Sorry Lewis…

CRIMSON TIDE 24-21

Illinois at Penn State
I asked Jo Pa once what he thought about Jim Thorpe…

Coach said “he was the best football player he ever saw…”

Enough said…
JO PA’S LIONS 31-24

EDITORS NOTE: You may not think the above comment fits…
But it does…
 

Weber State at Utah
I cannot believe the Grill Factory has a college….
Can You?
TWO UTES 44-10

Virginia Tech at Nebraska
Before you ask…
No, I didn’t studder….
HUSKERS 24-20

New Mexico at New Mexico State
The winner of this instate battle gets a really cool Cactus…
Which is nice… 
AGGIES 27-24

Stanford at Washington
I never thought I would see the day I picked the “tree” over the Mighty Huskies…
“CARDINAL” (Singular) 24-23

Nevada at UNLV
Will the Running Rebels remain undefeated?
Yes….they will
REBELS 33-31

Sunday, September 28th

San Jose Somebody at Hawaii
Who cares…
Dog the Bounty Hunter is back on A&E on Wednesday Nights!
WARRIORS Dancing with the Stars on RAINBOWS 38-17

Enjoy your Games!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Much like Ward Cleaver…

I too Hail the Power of the Beaver….

OREGON STATE BEAVERS 27

$OUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN$ 21

Congratulations to the Oregon State Beavers for killing the hopes and dreams of the most overrated team in all of College Football for the last ten years…

That (O’ By the Way)…
Should be on NCAA Probation by now anyway…

I am SO Glad I was wrong about that game….

More later today…

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

We only have time to cover those College Football Games that take place between now and Saturday…

So Please…Stay tuned.

We have a lot to discuss on Friday in Part II of Your Week Five College Football Picks…

We will have the Weekly Round Up…

Email Questions and Answers….

And the All Important Games of the Week…

 Alabama and Georgia between the hedges…

Arkansas and Texas in an old Fashion Southwest Conference Fight….

The Thundering Herd of Marshall travel to Morgantown to take on the Mountaineers of West Virginia…

And a whole lot more….

See you back here on Friday for all the games…

Also….

Before I forget…
Hootie Snitch (The Self Proclaimed “Number One Tennessee Vol Fan on the Planet!”) found his mothers dentures….
So you Tennessee Fans can call off the search.

Her teeth were found in the glovebox of her Towtruck behind the “New” pair of Channel Locks…

Enjoy your Picks!

 

Thursday September 25th

Southern Methodist at Tulane
My Mighty Mustangs are only a year away….
GREEN WAVE 33-23

Southern California at Oregon State
I don’t know which is worse…
Knowing the Trojans are going to win…
OR the National Sports Media slobber fest that will take place over the next four hours on “How Great The Trojans Are..”
TROJANS 43-17

Friday September 26th

Connecticut at Louisville
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!
Don’t try and Stop Me!….
Just Believe….
CARDINALS 31-27

Hofstra at Stony Brook
The truth is, I could care less about a school named after a lung infection….
But this game does remind me that it’s time for a shamless plug for my friends at Stony Brook Chalets in Beautiful Gatlinburg….
There isn’t a better place on the planet to relax and recharge than at Stony Brook…
Give them a call….you will be glad you did.

http://www.stonybrooklodging.com/

 

See you back here tomorrow…

RTR
MEB

Hey Yawl!

It’s Hootie Snitch the Number One Volunteer Fan on the Planet!
Fact is ALL us Snitch’s are Vol Fans!

Go Big Orange!

Anyway…

As yawl know it’s Tennessee - Florida week…
And that means those damn gator fans are ALL over Knoxville…

But that ain’t the real problem here…

Last Night I took Momma Snitch and my Brother down to “The International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum” for a Vol-Gator show of solidarity at the “Wall of Remembrance”.

You know why we done it, right?…
To show everybody that we can all get along and to show support for all the folks in the Towing Industry in both states that have done so much for our freedom….

Truth is, we still hate their damn guts…
But we done it for Momma, cause we started one of them on-line petitions to get Momma (Rowenna Ratt-Snitch) into that Hall of Fame next year and we need all the help we can get.

Getting her into that hall of fame is prestigious….

http://www.internationaltowingmuseum.org/

Anyway…..

So we get back to the Peyton Manning trailer park late last night and guess what?

Some damn gator fan done broke into Momma’s trailer and stole her Brand “New” Dentures!

That is low down…I don’t care who you are!

No wonder we Vol’s hate you all so much!

Got a picture of her dentures right here that I took for insurance purposes.

If ANY Body Knows ANYthing about this robbery, give me a call at the Casa De Hootie at the Peyton Manning Trailer Park here in Baneberry Tennessee!

There is a reward!

Hootie - Out!

Ladies and Gentlemen -

As promised we return for the Saturday College Football Games…..

Due to limited time this week for “The Picks” I will present the “Southern California Trojan” version of the College Football Picks next week…

However, just for you (My Beloved Fans) I will provide a sample of what is to come in that segment with a “Southern California Trojan” Testimonial…
It should be more than enough to get your funny bone going for the weekend…

Enjoy Your Picks!

 

College Football News and Views

HURRICANE IKE: Now I know how Tina felt….
I am glad your ass is gone….

ARCHIE MANNING: Is it just me, or is Archie starting to look more like Woody Allen each day?

FLORIDA STATE: Even at Bobby’s advanced age he is out on the recruiting trail…
You don’t think so?
Tune in next week, I have a picture to prove it!

ESPN: The only thing you have for us at Halftime on Thursday Night College Football is “Dr. Lou”?

Really? That’s all you all came up with?

Lou spitting and gobbling for 15 minutes?

HOW about SHOWING us the Damn MARCHING BANDS?

TENNESSEE: This past week Phat Phil and his “personal” Attorney Jeff Hagood filed a motion to prevent Coach Phil Fulmer from having to provide a depostion in a lawsuit involving a former Alabama Booster.

This isn’t the “Same” Coach Phil Fulmer that stated in an article this past summer (printed in the Knoxville News-Sentinel) that self-proclaimed he was a “man of Principle and Integrity”…

This couldn’t be the “Same” Coach Fulmer that stated on a radio sports talk show “I didn’t have anything to do with the investigation into  Alabama…”
Then Proceded to conduct his own investigation with “Thunder Lips” Thornton and became the NCAA “Secret Witness”?

EDITORS NOTE: The wheels of justice move slowly….but they finally caught his fat ass.

AUBURN: This past week the President of Auburn University had to issue a statement to the student, fans and alumni….
“Be good sports…Don’t Boo your team or the opposing team…Your behavior reflects poorly on the Auburn Family…”

EDITORS NOTE: I NEVER thought I would see the day when the Auburn Fans acted like Tennessee Fans….You should all be ashamed of yourselves….

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Seriously, shouldn’t you all be on probation by now?
Just wondering……

MICHIGAN: I know it hurts losing to a crappy Notre Dame Team….
But Look on the bright side….
Coach Rod’s wife STILL looks like a ten Dollar Hooker….

NCAA: SOoooooo just exactly are you with the “BIG” Investigation into Reggie Bush and the Mighty Southern California Trojans..?

STILL Wondering…..

 

EMAIL Questions and Answers

Q: Mike, how do they seperate the “Boys” from the “Men” at The University of Southern California?
Mel - Seattle, Washington
A: With a Crowbar….

Q: Hey Man! I am a Roadie for a Poison cover band called “Poison: Overdose” and I have a question for you! If Bret Michaels was a college football team who would it be and why?
Thanks Dude, you rock!
“Beef” - Kansas City, Missouri
A: I would have to say Georgia Tech…Because they are after all..
 ”The Rambling Wreck”…Rock on Dude..

Q: If you could have one wish, would it be for “World Peace” or “Ending World Hunger”?
Flower - Coronado, California
A: Neither….
It would involve a Deaf Mute “Super Model” that owned her own chain of liquor stores…

Q: Mike, our neighbors are Tennessee fans…
They are normal 8 months out of the year…
You can talk with them about almost anything..
Until football season starts!

Then they act stupid! Can you help us please?

Mindy - Biloxi, Mississippi
A: Mindy…these are people that believe “Professional Wrestling” is Real and the Moon landing is a fake….Go figure.

 

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJAN “Testimonials”

EDITORS NOTE: These are “real” testimonials to the Greatness of all that is the University of Southern California Trojans Football…..
Enjoy….

“Mark Sanchez saved me a ton of money on my car insurance!”

- Dr. Mike Rotchburns

“The Southern California Trojans Cured my Polio!”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

“Since I placed my hands under the University of Southern California Trojan center last week; I no longer want to molest little boys…Thank you USC Trojans!”

- Michael Jackson

“It is a scientific fact: Hurricanes DO NOT hit the west coast out of fear for the Southern California Trojans!”

- Jim Cantore “The Weather Channel”

“What was I thinking? Scientology is for wusseys! I believe in the power of the Trojans!”

- Tom Cruise

 

THE GAMES

Saturday September 20th

EDITORS NOTE: I have been accused in the past of being “insensitive” and “uncultured”….
I hope to correct this unfair description of myself this week….
By Picking Your College Football Games through the “magic” of Interpretive Dance…

Enjoy!

 

Troy at Ohio State
I am doing the “River Dance” right now and thinking….
THE MIGHTY BUCKEYES 34-10

EDITORS NOTE: Get it..”Stomping”?
I think I pulled something…

East Carolina at North Carolina State
If I was the Coach for the Wolfpack I would be doing the “Running Man”….
PIRATES 23-17

Temple at Penn State
I am a little afraid to discuss dancing here: I don’t want Jo Pa to break a hip…
JO PA’S LIONS 44-13

Mississippi State at Georgia Tech
Somebody call the Bee Gees!
The Bulldogs….are Staying Alive…
BULLDOGS 23-20

EDITORS NOTE: I can’t believe I had to resort to a Disco reference already…
I might have really pulled something……my leg is on fire.

Ohio at Northwestern
Seriously…My leg is burning like hell itself.
WILDCATS 27-14

Florida Atlantic at Minnesota
Just thinking about Gophers Dancing…
Makes me laugh…
O SOooo GOLDEN GOPHERS 33-17

Iowa at Pittsburg
Honestly? I am still laughing about the Dancing Gophers….
Yes..I am that easily amused.
EYES of the HAWK 27-14

Central Michigan at Purdue
Seriously…
I have to stop laughing over the dancing Gophers…
I almost made myself throw-up…..
BOILERMAKERS 28-24

Alabama at Arkansas
This ain’t no Party….
This ain’t no Disco…
This ain’t no fooling around…
CRIMSON TIDE 33-24

Central Florida at Boston College
If yankees dance or enjoy themselves in any way…
I am blissfully unaware…
EAGLES 27-14

Eastern Michigan at Maryland
“See the above Pick for discription”
FIGHTN TURTLES 24-20

South Carolina State at Clemson
In case you didn’t know…
South Carolina is known for the “Shag”…
There isn’t anything I don’t like about that…
TOMMY’S TIGERS 38-10

Miami (FL) at Texas A&M
I cannot believe I am doing the Texas Two Step on this one…
HURRICANES 23-17

Buffalo at Missouri
Is there a dance called the “Buffalo Beat-Down’?
Well…….There should be
MO’S TIGERS 49-10

Wyoming at Brigham Young
I don’t think Mormons are allowed to dance…
Are they?
Never Mind….I just remembered “Donny and Marie”…
COUGARS 33-14

 
Arizona at UCLA
This is going to be really…really…
UGLY….
BRUINS 17-14

Florida at Tennessee
Speaking of “Ugly”….
Do you know the Number One Pick Up Line in OBKnoxville on Saturday Night?
“Hey….Nice Tooth”
MIGHTY GATORS 34-17

Boise State at Oregon
Call me crazy….
My psychiatrists did….
BRONCOS 31-28

Houston at Colorado State
In case you were wondering…
I can no longer “Dance Out” this weeks picks…
Pulled something in my leg..
After all, who do you think I am …
Deney Terrio?
COUGARS 34-31

Notre Dame at Michigan State
Damn you Adrian Zmed and your high power dancing….
FIGHTING IRISH 28-24

Virginia Tech at North Carolina
When I was in school I was really good at the “Hokey-Pokey”…
I didn’t even know It was a dance until I was caught by the principal….
Forget I mentioned it…
TAR HEELS 23-17

Rutgers at Navy
Sailors dancing in those white Cracker Jack Uniforms reminds me of that one guy in “The Villiage People”
SCARLETT KNIGHTS 24-17

Marshall at Southern Miss
This game may decide the Conference USA Champion….
It will be close….
REAL close…
GOLDEN EAGLE 23-21

Utah at Air Force
Normally I wouldn’t pick against the Mighty Falcons…
But these Utes are something else…
TWO UTES 31-28

South Florida at Florida International
Why do these people from Florida think they are all “International”?
What makes them so “International”?
Do they eat with their feet?
BULLS 27-14

Rice at Texas
I believe the words in the song…..
“The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You”
MIGHTY LONGHORNS 34-14

Menlo at Occidental
I am not quite sure why this is in here….
It sounds like a disease and a Health Insurance Company…

Massachusetts at Texas Tech
This will be SOOoooooo close…
NOT…
RED RAIDERS GET THOSE GUNS UP! 38-17

Sam Houston State at Kansas
I always admired Sam Houston…
But he is outgunned in this one…
JAY’S HAWKS 43-10

Wake Forest at Florida State
The Demon Deacons will keep this one closer than you think….
But on the up side…
Coach Bobby is telling everyone he has tickets to the “next” Elvis Concert…
SEMINOLES 28-17

Ball State at Indiana
I have a meeting of the International Sea Monkey Society…
Or I would soooo be watching this one…
HOMERS 31-28

Muskingum College at Otterbein College
This sounds like a game between two lung infections…

Vanderbilt at Ole Miss
Will the Commodores be 4 and 0 after this week?
Yes….I believe they will be.
COMMODORES 27-23

New Mexico at Tulsa
I wish I cared…But I am tired from the “magic” of Interpretive Dance…
Plus my ankle hurts…
GOLDEN HURRICANES 33-28

Wofford at South Carolina
I believe if Chewbacca had a College…
It would be Wofford…
OR if Chewbacca had a pesky cough..
It would be Wofford…
I have to stop…
GAMECOCKS 38-10

LSU at Auburn
I could easly pick the winner of this game as the “Tigers”
But that isn’t why you read my column…
FIGHTN’ TIGERS 17-15

Georgia at Arizona State
It’s about time people out west learn that all important phrase…
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!
DAWGS 24-17

Texas Christian at Southern Methodist
The Mighty Mustangs will keep this closer than you might think..
For a while….
HORNED FROGS 24-14

Fresno State at Toledo
I have the International Sea Monkey Society Meeting “After Party” or I would watch this one….
I promise…
BULLDOGS 34-17

Juniata at Ursinus
I tried to say these two teams “out loud” really fast and I spit all over myself….

San Jose State at Stanford
My Lord….I can’t believe I am doing this….
CARDINAL 6-3

Iowa State at UNLV
As a Side Note: Always “Warm up” before you start dancing and typing…
CYCLONES 23-21

New Mexico State at UTEP
If the knuckleheads in Aggieland Bring back “Pistol Pete” I will not publish naked pictures of “key” members of the administration with farm animals…

That is my promise to you….
AGGIES 24-20

 
Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Much like last week, your Weekly College Football Picks will be in two installments with the “early” games being presented during the middle of the week and the Saturday Games coming your way on Friday evening.

You wonder why I was bragging last week with picking a blistering 91% of the games?

Easy….
Because, last week I finished at 37 and 8 or 82%.
But along with the drop in my weekly percentage, I ALSO Picked UCLA over BYU…

And of course…
UCLA Lost by the biggest margin since 1929….
Since 1929?

Yes…”that” 1929.
The same year that Bobby Bowden graduated College….

Anyway..That leaves us at 142 and 24 for the season or a rather impressive 86% (All things considered)

Be sure and check back on Friday…
We have the Florida - Tennessee Game…
Georgia and Arizona State…
Alabama and Arkansas and others…

See you all on Friday….

Enjoy your Picks!

 

THE GAMES

Wednesday September 17th

Kansas State at Louisville
The Once Mighty Cardinals have already been beaten once this year by some Wildcats…
Make it twice…
WILDCATS 33-17

Thursday September 18th

West Virginia at Colorado
UPSET SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s right I said it……
BUFFALOS 28-24

EDITORS NOTE: I want to assure my beloved readers that I am not picking the Colorado Buffalos because my sister-in-law will be leading the team onto the field to start the game.

We are however glad she has a “Job”…Even if it’s seasonal.

Friday September 19th

Baylor at Connecticut
UPSET SPECIAL PART II !!!!!!!!!!!!
Before you ask….
NO I am Not DRINKING!
BEARS 23-17

Stay Tuned…More this Friday

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

It appears that I struck a nerve with a large number of Southern California Trojan Fans with my “Sunday Rewind” article yesterday.

Good….

The funny thing is that out of the nearly eighty emails I received; nobody wanted to challenge my facts concerning the Southern California Football Program….

Instead the Trojan fans resorted to name calling….
For example…..

“Why don’t you just let the Reggie Bush thing go #^&%$? He ain’t done nothing wrong Bro!”

From - TrojanChamps2008

“You sound like a typical southern raciest…USC rocks and you can’t stand it!”

From - SoCalGal2010

EDITORS NOTE: What is it about being from the South that makes yankees and liberal weenies think they have the right to call us ugly names?

“Dude you so out of line, &*^% you! Leave brother Reggie and them Trojans alone!”

From - Tro-Jamal12

 

It seems to me that some Southern California Trojan Football Fans want my undivided attention…..

Congratulations…You got it.

This week, along with the usual College Football Picks..
I will have a “Special” Southern California Trojan Addition…….

Be careful what you wish for….

Now on to this weeks “Monday Morning Quarterback”….

 

SATURDAY QUOTES

“Anybody can have a bad century….”

- Kansas Coach Mark Mangino when asked why the Jayhawks have only recently become a contender in the Big 12 Conference

 

STRANGE FACTS KNOWN BY FEW…..

Slightly off the College Football Subject…..
As you all know from time to time, I like to share deep thoughts of knowledge with my beloved readers….
Pearls of wisdom, if you will…
Enjoy….

A man shouldn’t act tough if he has a Richard Simmons Tattoo on his arm….

If you listen to Phil Collins sing “Sussudio” backwards it will encourage you to kill Michael Jackson…

The “K.C” in K.C. and the Sunshine Band Fame doesn’t stand for “Kansas City”….
Who Knew?

It is impossible to MapQuest “Funky Town”….

EDITORS NOTE: I still believe the above to be in Mississippi…

 

TEAM NEWS

ARIZONA & ARIZONA STATE: I believe you all are all sand and no beach.

EDITORS NOTE: Not quite sure what that is suppose to mean, but it came to me today in a meeting and I thought it sounded profound.

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Bad Dogs….

NCAA: Would it be too much to ask as to what the status of the Reggie Bush - Southern California Trojan Investigation is? I mean this thing has been going on for what, three years?

PAC 10 CONFERENCE: See “NCAA” Above…

TEMPLE: My God! I finally pick you idiots and you lose….I don’t normally need any help to be made to look stupid…but thanks.

MARYLAND: It was the threat of the Slim Whitman albums wasn’t it?
No need to thank me…..

SOUTH FLORIDA: When the sun goes down in Raymond James Stadium, I believe the Bulls can beat anybody…..

MICHIGAN: Told you so…..

DUKE: You Beat Navy…and Hell didn’t freeze over….
But it did have one heck of a frost….

GEORGIA: HOW Bout Them DAWGS!

 

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

 

Q: Mike I enjoyed your Sunday piece on the National Media’s “Love Fest” with the Southern California Trojan Football team. Not to overlook the 350 Million Dollar Contract the PAC 10 has with ESPN to broadcast football games..Which you exposed! But do you think the national media is influenced by television sponsorship(s) and commercials?
Thanks!
“Doc” - Odessa, Texas
A: Thanks Doc…Before I answer your email: “How Bout them Mojo’s?”
I wouldn’t disagree with your point concerning the “entire” ESPN-ABC network package covering PAC 10 Football games and the football flagship university of that Conference: The U$C Trojans…

Lucky for my beloved readers that I am above such influence…
For example….
As I was preparing for a day of College Football last Saturday…
I fired up my WEBER Charcoal Grill…
That ALWAYS provides a nice even heat for grilling and smoking…

And I realized I needed more KINGSFORD Charcoal…
The KING of all Charcoal….

So, I got in my beautiful FORD TAURUS….
That provided a smooth comfortable ride to the grocery store (that I cannot yet name until a deal has been reached for a limited sponsorship….)

Came back home and opened an ice cold Budweiser, which as we all should know by now…
IS the KING of Beers….

The Perfect Combinations for a Football Saturday….

 
Q: I know this is a crazy question! But do you like The Three Stooges?
Thanks Mike!
Grayson - Beaufort, South Carolina
A: By “The Three Stooges”; do you mean the ABC College Football Commentator Trio of Bob Griese, Brad Nessler and Paul McGuire?
Then “NO”…
But if you are referring to Larry, Moe and Curley…then “YES”

Q: Mike I lost a bet at work, so I have to ask you.
Is there a reason why they always show Brent Musburger from the waist up?
Charlie - Richmond, Virginia
A: Yes there is a good reason Charlie…
College Football is a family program…

So the Network is trying to prevent the audience from noticing that Brent Musburger is in fact…
A Syphilitic Liver spotted Hermaphrodite troll….

Hope that helped…..

 

Stay Tuned…..More later in the Week.

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I wanted to take a moment in the wake of the national sports media’s “Love Fest” with the Unive$ity of $outhern California Trojan$ to bring some common sense to the College Football Weekend, that was…

Has the National Sports Media gone mad?
Jim Jones and his family drinking the cool-aide made as much sense as anything I have heard over the last 24 hours concerning the “Greatness” of the Southern California Trojans…
But it didn’t stop there either did it?

“The PAC 10 is the “Toughest” Conference in ALL of College Football”

- Craig James and John Saunders “Hosts” of ABC College Football…

EDITORS NOTE: REALLY?  

Baylor 45
Washington State 17

Maryland 35
California 27

Texas Christian University 31
Stanford 14

Brigham Young 59
UCLA 0

Oklahoma 55
Washington 14

New Mexico 36
Arizona 28

UNLV 23
Arizona State 20

 

“Mark Sanchez IS the NUMBER One Heisman Candidate, without question!”

- Kirt Herbstreit, ABC College Football Commentator / Analyst

EDITORS NOTE: Really? After playing only TWO Games?

 

“Folks the Southern California Trojans WILL be in the National Championship Game, the ONLY question that remains, is Who will be their opponent!”

- Brent Musburger, ABC College Football Commentator / Analyst

EDITORS NOTE: Around my house Brent is “Also” known as the syphilitic liver spotted jackass…..
Just in case anyone was wondering….

 

You want to know something interesting about all this hype?

Do you know what “Wasn’t Mentioned” about the Southern California Trojan$ from the time college football coverage began Saturday Morning at nine O’clock A.M. Central Standard Time until after eleven O’clock P.M. Central Standard time….

Not a word…….
Not a mention by a single College Football Commentator or Analyst about the NCAA Investigation into Reggie Bush and Southern California.

Not so much as a whisper…….
About an Investigation that COULD result in Reggie Bush losing his Heisman Trophy and the Southern California Trojans forfeiting one National Championship as well over twenty wins from the “Official” NCAA Record books…
After all….
Some Football Programs have been punished far worse with less evidence…..

Soooo something this important wasn’t worth mentioning?
Really?

And…….

Not a comment from a single commentator…
About the “Illegal” recruitment of Joe McKnight by Coach Pete Carroll and New Orlean Saint Reggie Bush..

Why do I say it was “Illegal”?
Because the NCAA said it was….

After Coach Carroll and Reggie Bush denied they called then High School Senior Joe McKnight, then admitted that they did…Then Reggie Didn’t….Then Coach Carroll..”Might have”….

You get the picture….

The NCAA told the Trojans to “knock it off” but ALLOWED the recruitment of McKnight by Carroll and the Trojans anyway…

The Usual punishment by the NCAA for such an offense?
The NCAA will disallow the recruitment of that particular athlete and possibly a loss of scholarships in the future…
Not so for the University of the Second Coming….

These two “little” examples make you think don’t they?
Especially if you are from….

The University of Kentucky
Auburn University
Mississippi State University
The University of Alabama
Clemson University

Just to name a few…..

So while you are drinking the Trojan Cool-aide this morning…
Just remember…..

If you were in the South…..
You would be on probation by now….
Lost scholarships….
Forfeited wins….
NOT being shown on television…
And don’t even thinking about a Bowl Game…for the next four years.
You would be called Cheaters….and worse.

 

But after watching the two or three games that have been completed thus far this season, to include the “BIG GAME” on ABC last night… 
I know three things…

1. Ohio State isn’t that bad…
2. Southern California isn’t that good….
3. There is still a lot of football left to be played…

Enjoy Your Sunday…

RTR
MEB

-

Ladies and Gentlemen -

You didn’t really think I was going to leave you hanging did you?

I would hope not!
I thought we knew one another better than that.

But before we launch into the final installment of Your Week 3 College Football Picks…..
Have I mentioned that last week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was 52 and 5 or a rather impressive 91%?

Well, did I mention that in the last two weeks I have been 105 and 16 at a rather respectable 87%?

The only reason I mention it (other than openly bragging of course) is because in the flash of an instant….
A missed extra point….here
One dropped pass….there
A single PAC 10 referee….anywhere
AND…..

That rather impressive 91% (and it is impressive; is it not?)
Stop it! You all embarrassing me!
Is a disappointing 19% and leaving me, wishing I was dyslexic…

Enough about me…
That is unless you want to hear MORE about how I got 91% of the games last week after starting out 0 and 2…
O.K….there I was….

Never mind….we don’t have time for this now.
Let’s get to the games…

Enjoy Your Picks!

College Football News and Views

HURRICANE IKE: I don’t know what you still have against Tina, but you need to let this go…
And let my people play football…..

WEST POINT: My Lord…The Black Knights of the Hudson lost to New Hampshire…
I didn’t even know the folks in ‘Hampshire (Pronounced: HAM-shhh-iir) had a football team…
It’s just sad…

MARYLAND: While we are on the subject of Breakdowns”…
Last week the Ninja Turtles lost to Alphabet U….
What have the Fightn Turtles been using for motivation, Slim Whitman albums?

ARKANSAS: The Razorbacks came within a buffalo fart of losing last weeks HOME game to the University of Louisiana “Monroe”….
Coach P, you will be G-O-N-E  if you let that happen one too many times…

ESPN: Last week ESPN’s “Newest” studio talking bobblehead doll David Lloyd, which looks more like a blonde headed troll……
Proclaimed….
“The Oregon State Beavers WILL beat Penn State, because Jo Pa and the Nittany Lions are a team in confusion”…….

Three hours later…
Penn State 45
Oregon State 14

 

Good call dumbass…
Just what we need on ESPN…
More Idiots running their mouths when the network SHOULD be showing us the College Marching Bands at halftime….

 

ESPN II: It is my belief that if Pam Ward’s voice was broadcast in Iraq and Afghanistan the fighting in those areas would stop….
Why?
Because they would be afraid if they didn’t stop fighting..
We would turn up the volume…

 

EMAIL Questions And Answers

Q: Mike, why do you ridicule the Oregon Duck Mascot?
Chad - Eugene, Oregon
A: Simple Chad; If Liberace had a Dream….
It would be about the Oregon Duck Mascot…
Clear that one up for you?

Q: Dear Sir; I am OUTRAGED by the email earlier this week from the “teacher” in California!
Everone knows that Abraham Lincoln freed the Aztecs, Eskimos and African Americans immediately after white southerners bombed Pearl Harbor and Davy Crockett and the U.S. 7th Cavalry sank the Titanic…
The Folks in California Need to Get their History straight!
Phillis - Albany, New York
A: I just LOVE modern History….

Q: I know you can’t say nothing, being at Leavenworth and all.
But are you training for some of that Gorilla warfare?
Stanley - Ringgold, Georgia
A: I want to go on the record:
No, I will not be wrestling or otherwise fighting my sister-in-law.
That is what you meant, right?

 

THE GAMES

Saturday, September 13th

Louisiana Lafayette at Illinois
Ole Lafayette might have been big cheese in the War of 1776…
But these are the Fighting Pumpkins!
FIGHTING PUMPKINS 33-14

EDITORS NOTE: Please no emails this week from “enlightened” educators on how Fighting Pumpkins led by General Lafayette defeated the Klingon’s at the Battle of the Bulge..
Thank you…

Southern Illinois at Northwestern
There are a lot directions in this one….
This game is a Rand McNally Dream…
WILDCATS 28-23

California at Maryland
I cannot believe I am doing this…
BEARS 34-17

Florida Atlantic at Michigan State
I am trying to be more “Culturally Sensitive” so instead of watching this game I am going to watch a program about “Ramadan Andy”…
Kind of like the Muslim version of Santa Claus or Hanukka Harry…
Never Mind…
SPARTANS 38-17

Montana State at Minnesota
Have I not told you that everything in Boseman Sucks?
That goes for the Bobcats too….
O’ SO GOLDEN GOPHERS 28-23

Navy at Duke
People Can’t you see?
If the Blue Devils win this game…

Then the Terrorist win!
MIDSHIPMEN 24-21

North Carolina State at Clemson
Have no fear my beloved Clemson Family…
The Big Cats are Hungry….
TOMMY’S TIGERS 34-14

Temple at Buffalo
Even I cannot believe that I am actually picking Temple…
HELL HAS FROZEN OVER 23-17

Iowa State at Iowa
Anytime I see “Iowa” something…
I always think of…
My Favorite line from a movie…
“IS this Heaven?”

“Yes, but we like to call it Tuscaloosa…”

EYE of the HAWK 33-23

EDITORS NOTE: The above is NOT to be confused with “Eye of the Tiger”

Nevada at Missouri
Believe me….
MO Knows Football…
MO’s TIGERS 43-10

UAB at Tennessee
Coach Phil finally beats a team from Alabama….
Film at Eleven…
VOWELS 34-10

East Carolina at Tulane
What has the world come to when I am picking Lou “Gobble-Gobble” Holtz’s son…
PIRATES 28-17

Georgia at South Carolina
The Gamecocks can’t keep their players out of trouble…
Or the Bulldogs out of the endzone….
BIG BAD DAWGS 33-14

EDITORS NOTE: We all know that John Saunders from ABC College Sports hates anything associated with the South….
So this one is for his dumbass..
HOW BOUT THEM BAD ASS DAWGS!!!!!!!!

 
UCLA at Brigham Young
I would love to watch this but David Hasselhoff is wrestling an Anteater on “America’s Got Talent”
I have my priorities….
BRUINS 31-28

 
Oregon at Purdue
This game will be known more for the two most disturbing mascots in all of College Football than the actual contest…
And for good reason…
QUACKS 3-2

Penn State at Syracuse
The “Orange” will get Juiced….
Believe it….
JO PA’S LIONS 38-13

Michigan at Notre Dame
Dear God….
Can’t they “Both” Lose?
FIGHTING IRISH 24-21

Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech
If the Hokies want to beat the 2 and 0 Yellow Jackets they better get that Big Wang on the Field.
HOKIES 23-20

EDITORS NOTE: You are probably asking yourself…”Is he that easily amused over “Wang” Jokes?
The answer is, “yes” I am…

Chattanooga at Florida State
What’s wrong Bobby?
The Fort Myers Shuffleboard League not available?
SEMINOLES 43-0

Hawaii at Oregon State
I think I speak for all of us when I say…
Thank Goodness “Dog The Bounty Hunter” is back on the air…
BEAVERS 33-28

Auburn at Mississippi State
A Good Ole fashioned Fight Between Cats and Dogs…
This one could go either way…..
TOMMY’s TIGERS 21-17

Southern Methodist at Texas Tech
My Once Proud Ponies will be beaten like rented Mules in this one…
GET THOSE GUNS UP!
RED RAIDERS! 43-17

Western Kentucky at Alabama
Sweet Home Alabama…..
ROLL TIDE ROLL 34-16

MTSU at Kentucky
I was just thinking about him this morning…
I know this isn’t his sport…
But this one is for “Mr. Wildcat”…
WILDCATS 31-17

Juniata at Susquehanna
Sorry, this segment is for my other Blog…
“When Mexican Girls Attack”..
But if I was betting I would take Juniata…
That girl is tough…

Rensselaer at Endicott College
What is wrong with me today?
As you can see, this entry of fungus and warts belong in my medical blog..
“Turn your head and Cough with Dr.Mike”
Sorry….

Samford at Mississippi
I never knew Fred Samford had a college?
There must be alot of money in that ole Junk…
I wonder if Lamont is the President?
Never mind….
REBELS 43-10

New Mexico State at Nebraska
The Children of the Corn will be very happy…
HUSKERS 43-17

EDITORS NOTE: I like the Aggies but cannot support the change in mascot to Lasso Larry…
Give Pete back his six guns for Gods Sake!
Before you ask…No I will not give that up…

Rice at Vanderbilt
Will the Commodores start the season at 3 and 0?
They damn sure will….
COMMODORES 31-17

Memphis at Marshall
Everbody knows I like Elvis…
But have you seen “We are Marshall”?
Enough said….
THUNDERING HERD 28-24

Iona at Wagner
I cannot believe that Vacuum Cleaner College has a football team..
They must really suck…
OLE IONA 28-24

Southern Miss at Arkansas State
I Love those folks from H-Burg…
And that is good enough for me…
GOLDEN EAGLES 27-24

Alabama A&M at Louisiana Monroe
The Bulldogs cannot stand up to the power of the War Hawk…
Trust me…
I am a believer..
WAR HAWKS 38-10

Stanford at Texas Christian
If IKE doesn’t screw this game up…
It will be a dandy for three quarters…
HORNED FROGS 24-17

Alcorn State at Troy
A school named for a nut cannot and should not beat the men of Troy…
MEN of TROY 23-14

Missouri State at Oklahoma State
This game will be like a John Wayne Movie…
Nothing but..
COWBOYS 33-10

Virginia at Connecticut
I wish I cared…But I don’t.
HUSKIES 6-3

Oklahoma at Washington
If you have children…
DO not let them watch this game..
It will be ugly…
BOOMER SOONER 43-10

North Texas at LSU
I have a portion of the personal Diary of the North Texas Head Coach…
“Dear Diary…
Can’t this game be postponed?
I would much prefer to take my butt whipping later…
When the Tigers are tired and maybe looking ahead to an SEC opponent..
Can you help me Diary?”
Noooooo….
Time for your ass whipping….
FIGHTN TIGERS 44-10

Utah at Utah State
I think in this case it is appropriate to quote the two most famous residents of Utah.
In the words of Donny and Marie….
“I am a little bit country….and a little bit Rock and Roll..”

This really didn’t have anything to do with the pick..
I just thought it was funny….
TWO UTES 38-21

Bowling Green at Boise State
This game is going to be uglier than dollar beer night at the Bowling Alley…
BRONCOS 44-14

Arizona at New Mexico
The Best game on television at three o’clock in the morning eastern time…
That is unless you have the full cable package…
WILDCATS 24-21

UNLV at Arizona State
The Devils from the Land of the Sun will dominate…
It’s true…..
SUN DEVILS 37-10

Wisconsin at Fresno State
Behold the mighty power of the Cheese….
To include any and all cheese like snacks…
BADGERS 34-10

Ohio State at Southern California
The Game of the Week…
You might think I am crazy…
But that’s what they said about Ted Bundy and the Wright Brothers…
THE MIGHTY BUCKEYES 31-24

Believe it….

Enjoy Your Games!

RTR
MEB